lofi_tokyo Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 A brief summary of my ex and I: I went to Tokyo, he got lonely, met a new girl. We were in a long distance relationship anyways, for 2.5yrs, but Tokyo was different. Anyways, immediatly after Tokyo, I went to visit him. We were on the rocks, and instead of working things out with me, he ignored me and talked to her. So I dumped him, and he agreed it was for the best. Then for two weeks I went on begging for him back, until I realized he had started seeing her... and I was definately not getting him back. So I went on to NC. Hes been trying constantly to make idle conversation, until finally last night I told him he needs to stop. Today though, he started up conversation again, scolding me for telling him so late at night not talk time to him. I explained that I didnt know where he stood, did he want friendship, something more, where was he with Diane? How can we be "friends" if he we're both censoring eachother about certain aspects of our lives? So he told me all about Diane. They're getting serious now. I believe they actually call themselves a couple in fact. He was sorry to "mislead me", though to be honest, I wasnt feeling mislead at all, I expected as much. Now that the air is clear - is it alright to keep talking to him? I am NOT hoping to win him over. I almost feel like hearing about Diane reminds me to MOVE ON! I know Jon will not keep talking to me, so part of me thinks go NC now, but another part of me doesn't mind just chatting. Oy. I need some support here ;p
jolie78 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 that sounds really painful, almost masochistic. you want to listen to this talk about the diane person to help you move on? is it absolutely necessary? i mean, surely you could move on without dragging yourself through so much. i'm confused as to why he's contacting you. cut him off cold turkey. block him. it's not his choice whether or not to talk to you. he has diane. wth?
Sysyphus28 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 just chatting. Thats what I wanted, to just chat and joke. No matter what after a bit of talking it will get into "grey territory", the "meat and potatoes" of your relationship will show its face. Even if you try to keep it casual, somethings gonna creep out and hurt. We can't help it when we talk to a fresh ex. Maybe after a long time......after one of you is married or has a kid...or something. Other than that, WHY? Thier are so many fun people to talk to and connect with. When me and my ex hung out briefly we joked....as soon as it started feeling comfortable..........it got uncomfortable!
Author lofi_tokyo Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I think you're right Jolie. What do I have to gain from hearing about her? I suppose its some sort of satisfaction that like... even though hes dating her, hes still taking time to talk to me. I really have no idea. It does help me accept its over, and part of me knows he does not really deserve my friendship anyways... he started cutting me off while we were together to let his relationship with her get stronger. I wonder why he talks to me too. I seriously doubt he ever mentions me to her. I don't think hes in any pain over leaving me. He said it hurts him to hear about me socializing with other guys, but I think thats to be expected. When we broke up, though he was going after this other girl sort of (though he denied it), he told me he still loved me and had feelings for me. I don't think he'd say that now, since theyre dating but... whatever. I dont know what I want! Sorry I'm so whiney.
SarahRose Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I don't think I would keep talking to him and listening about some other girl. He is just looking for an ego stroke from you at this point. You could turn the tables and start talking about some guy you have the hots for even if you have to make him up and see how he likes it.
jolie78 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I think you're right Jolie. What do I have to gain from hearing about her? I suppose its some sort of satisfaction that like... even though hes dating her, hes still taking time to talk to me. I really have no idea. It does help me accept its over, and part of me knows he does not really deserve my friendship anyways... he started cutting me off while we were together to let his relationship with her get stronger. I wonder why he talks to me too. I seriously doubt he ever mentions me to her. I don't think hes in any pain over leaving me. He said it hurts him to hear about me socializing with other guys, but I think thats to be expected. When we broke up, though he was going after this other girl sort of (though he denied it), he told me he still loved me and had feelings for me. I don't think he'd say that now, since theyre dating but... whatever. I dont know what I want! Sorry I'm so whiney. you're not whiny at all. it sounds like you're just thinking things through. and it's much better that you do it here than to him. i can't believe he gets "hurt" when he hears that you are socializing with other guys. a bit hypocritical? i don't think you could ever have a relationship where the other person is just that unfair. i think cutting him off and doing your own thing, getting back on your own feet, is the best way to go. it sounds like he's terribly confused and is just acting without thinking at all at this point. he probably does have feelings for you, and probably has feelings for her, too. you really don't have time for that. the right thing for him to do is probably chill out on his own til he can figure out what he wants, not string both of you along. but since he can't do the right thing, i don't see why you should give him the benefit of being a part, however little, of your life.
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