Argh, a twist of fate or true irony

[RogueAC]

So as I have been trying to deal with my break up (and what had been 8 wonderful days of NC!), the online dating compatibility screeners decide that I might enjoy a taste of irony…

 

Yesterday, I get an e-mail that I might be interested in checking out ________ profile. I click on the profile—4/5 matches, great compatibly, etc… I’m thinking, “Great this sounds awesome because my date last week was only so-so. I’ll check it out!”

 

But wouldn’t yah know it. Guess who this great new profile belongs to? I’ll give you one guess. You’re right! Smart you are. It is my ex. It is his profile.

 

The same person who is “too broken” and “too damaged” to be in a relationship with me is actively looking for dating and relationships online. And of course, being curious by nature I had to look and knowing that I had looked at his profile, the ex also looked at mine. I logged on again today (I couldn't help myself-- I know, now I am playing mindgames with myself! THIS IS BAD BEHAVIOR) and the ex turned off his profile or blocked me because it stopped showing that he viewed my profile.

 

Just thought you might all enjoy this random, laughable and yet almost cruel twist of fate. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up…

[EmperorR]

Ouch maybe your meant for each other just not now

[RogueAC]

Maybe it is just my karma. I live in a big city but even after changing my routines, over the past six weeks I have run into the ex several times at whole foods, three times when getting coffee, twice while running, and one day we were even driving next to each other for like 3 blocks! So why should my online life be any different?

 

But far better for the ex to see my profile on a dating website than to read my sad/angry/happy/lovesick posts on LS.

 

So, does this count as contact? I thought was starting to do the whole NC better.

[CaliGuy]

Looking at his profile is breaking NC for the most part. You aren't talking to him but you're still poking around in his life one way or another.

[BrooklynBridge]

Sounds like the Pina Colada Song (Escape) by Rupert Holmes.....

[RogueAC]

Caliguy, you are right. Profile looking still counts as contact— we just didn’t directly interact. He has never been on any online sites before (aol, social networking, dating, etc.) so I had yet encounter this type of contact with him. Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson!

 

BrooklynBridge, I have heard that song dozens of times but never actually listened to the lyrics. Good to know my life is now comparable to a 70s soft rock hit (minus the rekindling relationship bit). Lol.

[CaliGuy]

Caliguy, you are right. Profile looking still counts as contact— we just didn’t directly interact. He has never been on any online sites before (aol, social networking, dating, etc.) so I had yet encounter this type of contact with him. Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson!

 

It's no different than asking friends what he is up to or how he is doing. Seeking out info on an ex, no matter the medium used, is still breaking NC. You really want to strive to get to the point where you don't give a rat's Rs what he is up to. You're too busy with your fun and exciting life to waste time on someone who could walk away from you.

 

At least, that is my perspective.

[RogueAC]

You really want to strive to get to the point where you don't give a rat's Rs what he is up to. You're too busy with your fun and exciting life to waste time on someone who could walk away from you.

 

At least, that is my perspective.

 

CG this is definitely starting to happen, even if I still have relapses about the current ex. One of the things this relationship and break up has taught me is to enjoy doing my own things; that, and to get my self-esteem and confidence back in check. I don’t remember the last time I really enjoyed doing whatever I wanted to do.

 

It is liberating and interesting and fun and scary to figure out who I am and what I want out my own life—with or without a partner.

 

I’m not implying that I’m not heartbroken, sad or hurt—a few of my other posts definitely attest to that—I just forgot how awesome and lovable I am.

[BCCA]

Everyone says another relationship is the last thing on their mind when they leave you, but what theyre really saying is that a relationship with YOU is the last thing on thier mind. I had an ex say that to me, and at the time she said it had already started dating someone else. Who really wants to be all alone?

 

I think everyone here knows how hard it is to resist the temptation to look, and I dont fault you for it, but just try and avoid it next time.

[CaliGuy]

CG this is definitely starting to happen, even if I still have relapses about the current ex. One of the things this relationship and break up has taught me is to enjoy doing my own things; that, and to get my self-esteem and confidence back in check. I don’t remember the last time I really enjoyed doing whatever I wanted to do.

 

It is liberating and interesting and fun and scary to figure out who I am and what I want out my own life—with or without a partner.

 

I’m not implying that I’m not heartbroken, sad or hurt—a few of my other posts definitely attest to that—I just forgot how awesome and lovable I am.

 

Always remember that! Because if you feel that way about yourself, other men will feel that way about you

[RogueAC]

Everyone says another relationship is the last thing on their mind when they leave you, but what theyre really saying is that a relationship with YOU is the last thing on thier mind. I had an ex say that to me, and at the time she said it had already started dating someone else. Who really wants to be all alone?

 

I think everyone here knows how hard it is to resist the temptation to look, and I dont fault you for it, but just try and avoid it next time.

 

BCCA – My OP was to comment on the irony that the ex’s profile generated a “match” to my profile and mostly about the e-mail that I received, “Rogue check out xyz’s profile because we think we found you a match!” It was only after I clicked and saw the full profile that I knew it was for the ex.

 

Basically it comes down to this:

 

He walked away so I am moving on. I don't have any other choice. If he doesn’t love me or want to be with me then I must think that he is broken (to use his words) or at least broken to me. Besides, I am dating so why would I fault the ex for doing the same thing?

 

Last week was challenging for me because I allowed his “I miss you" bs to affect my mood but this week I have been far more positive and upbeat. Yeah NC! I am also learning what changes I can try so the next time something happens that I can't control (i.e. the ex calling and saying "I miss you"), I will be stronger because I will better handle the things that I can control (i.e. not returning his call, not feeling depressed about it for a week, etc.). I will still make mistakes, but hey, I am work in progress!

 

Many many thanks to what you and Caliguy and the others here write and post.

[BCCA]

I actually just joined a dating website, and I get a little nervous that either the same thing will happen to me, or I'll be 'matched' with a friend/co-worker lol

 

All you can ever do in this situation is to pick up the pieces and move on. Dating is good, but I'm trying to be careful. I dont want to use/mislead another person because it helps me out temporarily. Ive been upfront with everyone Ive gone out with if theyve asked about my last relationship, although I dont give all the specifics. I would just feel aweful if I met someone nice and ended up hurting them because I wasnt ready for a relationship.

 

I dont even think about what I'll do if I hear from my ex, I just assume it wont happen. And if I do, I'll just ignore it anyway.

[Sysyphus28]

running into your ex just plain sucks.