Even though you've been FZ'ed....THEY too have friends....

[Bells]

....something someone told me....I refer to this as some kind of building socila capital or "networking" but in a social venue.

 

Say if a woman doesn't think of you in "That way" but you know she has alot of unattached single friends....perhaps she can invite you out on the night on the town along with HER friends as well?

 

Does this ever happen?

 

Kind of like "Networking" but it's more about dating.

[Sears]

....something someone told me....I refer to this as some kind of building socila capital or "networking" but in a social venue.

 

Say if a woman doesn't think of you in "That way" but you know she has alot of unattached single friends....perhaps she can invite you out on the night on the town along with HER friends as well?

 

Does this ever happen?

 

Kind of like "Networking" but it's more about dating.

 

It has happened for me. You are like a pre-approved Visa card. By that I mean your new friend says things like "he's a good guy but not for me you may like him" or something to that effect.

 

One of my best female friends is a woman I dated and friend zoned me. Now, she's always on the look out for someone(not always a good thing but)for me.

 

I

[Balthazar]

Unfortunately, my own experiences point to one fact.

 

Women who are associated with you will RARELY or NEVER help you with other women, especially attractive ones.

 

Women who have FZ'd you will not want you to hook up with their attractive friends.

Not because they want you; it's just they don't want anyone else to have you either. They want you to be part of their court, and keep you on the backburner in case they change their mind.

 

Also, their attractive friends know you have been FZ'd and this works as a type of negative pre-selection.

The mentality is that "If he is not good enough for my friend Helga, why should he be good enough for me?"

Alas, Chick logic.

 

If by any chance your female "friend" does introduce you to another lady, it will usually be someone unattractive or really desperate who she is trying to unload on some poor schmuck(you in this case!).

 

These rules are not written in stone.

There are helpful women out there, it is just that I haven't met many of them.

I think men are just better off going after the women THEY like and leave their female "friends" out of it.

[Jilly Bean]

Women who are associated with you will RARELY or NEVER help you with other women, especially attractive ones.

 

Women who have FZ'd you will not want you to hook up with their attractive friends.

Not because they want you; it's just they don't want anyone else to have you either. They want you to be part of their court, and keep you on the backburner in case they change their mind.

 

Wow, I so can't relate to this, B.

 

If I friendzone a guy, it's because he has been deemed supremely undateable. Since my gf's tend to be a lot like me, and have the same taste in men for the most part, I wouldn't recommend a guy to them I have already rejected.

 

Basically, if he didn't pass the initial screening, he won't make it for the long haul with anyone in the group.

 

But I hear ya - I think some younger women are petty and nasty like that and wouldn't like a friend to date someone that they didn't have. Chicks suck.

[Bells]

Unfortunately, my own experiences point to one fact.

 

Women who are associated with you will RARELY or NEVER help you with other women, especially attractive ones.

 

Women who have FZ'd you will not want you to hook up with their attractive friends.

Not because they want you; it's just they don't want anyone else to have you either. They want you to be part of their court, and keep you on the backburner in case they change their mind.

 

Also, their attractive friends know you have been FZ'd and this works as a type of negative pre-selection.

The mentality is that "If he is not good enough for my friend Helga, why should he be good enough for me?"

Alas, Chick logic.

 

If by any chance your female "friend" does introduce you to another lady, it will usually be someone unattractive or really desperate who she is trying to unload on some poor schmuck(you in this case!).

 

These rules are not written in stone.

There are helpful women out there, it is just that I haven't met many of them.

I think men are just better off going after the women THEY like and leave their female "friends" out of it.

 

Yeah, and esp. if they are a bunch of superficial friends as well. If she wound up being of those materialistic shallow women, chances are all her other lot of friends are just as bad (birds of a feather, you know).

 

OR.....they don't like the idea of you dating one of HER friends because if it does work out...then she'll wind up kicking herself for turning you down. You know "hindsight" and all that. lol.

[Trimmer]

Wow, I so can't relate to this, B.

 

If I friendzone a guy, it's because he has been deemed supremely undateable. Since my gf's tend to be a lot like me, and have the same taste in men for the most part, I wouldn't recommend a guy to them I have already rejected.

 

Basically, if he didn't pass the initial screening, he won't make it for the long haul with anyone in the group.

... but doesn't that pretty much directly correspond with Balthazar's other point:

 

Also, their attractive friends know you have been FZ'd and this works as a type of negative pre-selection.

The mentality is that "If he is not good enough for my friend Helga, why should he be good enough for me?"

[Jilly Bean]

... but doesn't that pretty much directly correspond with Balthazar's other point:

 

But that wasn't the portion I was commenting on...

 

I've gone ahead and made the supreme decision for my gf's that he is not date-worthy. They don't even have the opportunity to worry about my sloppy seconds. lol

 

I did say that I agreed with him that younger packs of women would have that mentality of not letting a friend near a guy they once considered.

[D-Jam]

I think it's a big "it depends" when it comes to this.

 

Three rationales I've seen of MEN OR WOMEN who won't hook up new friends with their single friends:

 

1) Her single female friends are shallow, picky, or he/she knows they just won't find said new friend attractive.

 

2) He/she fears that if new friend hooks up with other friend an they hit it off, love, relationship, happiness, etc...that he/she will feel like they tossed away a good thing and thus there's regret.

 

3) He/she fears if things don't work out, it'll lead to drama and thus flak from new friend or old friend.

 

I'm mostly inclined to believe #1 is the biggest reason some won't hook up their friends. I have some attractive female friends, but my guy friends who are single are very average looking, and I know these women wouldn't find them attractive...so I don't bother. Plus some of my guy friends tend to start up strong with a girl, then get bored easily and take off...not good in my book. That makes them not good to fix up.

 

So there is a little of #3 as well. #2 I believe happens, but not as often as one would want to think.

 

I know when I had attractive female friends tell of how I'm such a wonderful guy and would make some woman very happy, they would never do more then introduce me to their female friends...which I think is the limit one should do. I'd rather just meet, chat, get to know, and see if it happens. If I try to do the same, I make it clear I make no guarantees.

 

Most of the time the friends of my friend didn't find me attractive, but most of them were also into bad boys and jerks.

 

I also think you guys who aren't "fixed up" might want to bear in mind that your friend might think less of her friends than of you. Like they don't want to fix up the cool guy with flaky weirdo who has a hot body.

 

See it as (and this goes for both genders) if the friend and his/her single friends are chronically single, but won't see if you might be a match, then they are not worth your time and thus deserve the trouble they have in dating. Let them complain that there are no decent folk...they bring it on themselves if you ask me.

[Balthazar]

I will present 2 experiences of mine(both from recent months).

 

In mid May I was talking with a lady I found attractive, Joanne(some of you may remember her from one of my threads:laugh:).

 

While discussing, she mentions a friend of hers(33) who is hot but rejects almost all men.

I thought Joanne was trying to set me up and I told her to give me her friend's number.

 

Joanne said that there is no way she would give me her friend's number. When I asked why she said "I don't want to!"

 

Case #2

 

Georgia was a girl from my amateur theater group.

We had flirted a bit, but nothing more(she was 26, I was 37).

Before the main performance one night, a friend of Georgia's came and helped put on our make-up.

I flirted with her(Irene) and she seemed quite responsive.

After the performance, I asked Georgia for Irene's number. Georgia said Irene was sort of going through a bad phase. I told her we should let Irene decide, but to no avail.

 

Women have almost NEVER helped me. Maybe it's my fault..who knows?

[D-Jam]

I would never give out a friend's number without permission.

 

I'd more just introduce the two, let them talk, and then it's on him or her to make things happen. I won't stand in the way or be a problem.

 

Balthazar, I think in Case 1, Joanne just didn't want to get involved and have any kind of responsibility. She didn't you to look at her or give her drama if her friend suddenly rejected you. Maybe you're not like that, but I remember when I told a female friend and a male friend about one another, the female saw a photo and didn't want to meet him. The male friend turned into a big drama queen and literally decided to hate this woman with a passion...even tried to get me to stop being friends with her.

 

In Case 2, it's not Georgia's job to get you numbers. Be a man and ask Irene herself.

[tanbark813]

Yes, it helps to have a network of female friends. I've hooked up with female friends of female friends before.

[djhall]

If I friendzone a guy, it's because he has been deemed supremely undateable. Since my gf's tend to be a lot like me, and have the same taste in men for the most part, I wouldn't recommend a guy to them I have already rejected.

Do you never meet guys who are dateable but who don't really do it for you personally? Or are you not willing to be friends with those kinds of people? Why are all your male freinds undatable?

[Bells]

Do you never meet guys who are dateable but who don't really do it for you personally? Or are you not willing to be friends with those kinds of people? Why are all your male freinds undatable?

 

You see, some of these people are NOT Open minded.....they aren't willing to "Welcome" them to their network of friends....why? Simply because they don't want to date them.

 

This attitude reflects upon the personality of what KIND of person they REALLY are. Shallow and superificial.

 

I am in a group of friends, and alot of these female friends serve as a female version of a "wingman", they're great.

 

If you just keep your mind closed to the "big picture" you'll probably wind up alone for a while.

[Jilly Bean]

Do you never meet guys who are dateable but who don't really do it for you personally? Or are you not willing to be friends with those kinds of people? Why are all your male freinds undatable?

 

Hmmm... good question.

 

Im going to have to say no.

 

My guy friends, of whom I have a LOT, are mainly guys I would never date, and I couldnt imagine my gf's dating them either. But, I do have some guy friends I have dated, and they are a lot more work, as they are often trying to rekindle the flame. They get kept in back burner land.

 

If I found someone dateable, I would date him.

 

The ones that are rendered undateable, and therefore friends, are so for a variety of reasons, but mainly that we are incompatible for dating.

[Mending1985]

I friendzone guys that I'm just not attracted to. If they aren't an awesome guy, I don't friendzone them - I just never speak to them again, so yeah, I try to hook up my male friends with my single friends fairly frequently.

[D-Jam]

I still say the best thing to do is just introduce friends to one another and let them be to make up their own minds if they'll date one another or not.

 

I make no guarantees to anyone and I won't let myself be caught in the middle, but if two of my friends find love with one another, then awesome. If they don't, and one wants to be a baby about it...then I put him/her in their place.

 

I guess in my eyes, I wouldn't want to be the reason two people who clicked didn't find love. It's not for me to decide if someone is right for someone else...let them make up their own minds.

 

I find it funny how willing many guys are to intro friends to others, but how unwilling women are to intro their friends to others.

[djhall]

The one good thing that ever came out of myspace... you're friends' friends lists are practically dating menus.

[Balthazar]

I would never give out a friend's number without permission.

 

I'd more just introduce the two, let them talk, and then it's on him or her to make things happen. I won't stand in the way or be a problem.

 

Balthazar, I think in Case 1, Joanne just didn't want to get involved and have any kind of responsibility. She didn't you to look at her or give her drama if her friend suddenly rejected you. Maybe you're not like that, but I remember when I told a female friend and a male friend about one another, the female saw a photo and didn't want to meet him. The male friend turned into a big drama queen and literally decided to hate this woman with a passion...even tried to get me to stop being friends with her.

 

In Case 2, it's not Georgia's job to get you numbers. Be a man and ask Irene herself.

 

Nope, I disagree D-jam.

 

Women LOVE getting involved but only when they want to and with women they want to hook you up to. Drama is something they want in their love rather than avoid.

 

As for Irene, I never saw her after that day, so I couldn't ask her myself....

[Balthazar]

 

I find it funny how willing many guys are to intro friends to others, but how unwilling women are to intro their friends to others.

 

So we agree?

 

This is my point. Your woman "friends" will rarely help you hook up. The ones that have FZ'd you are even worse.

Best bet is to get your LS women to hook you up.

[ahhhchooo]

Unfortunately, my own experiences point to one fact.

 

Women who are associated with you will RARELY or NEVER help you with other women, especially attractive ones.

 

Women who have FZ'd you will not want you to hook up with their attractive friends.

Not because they want you; it's just they don't want anyone else to have you either. They want you to be part of their court, and keep you on the backburner in case they change their mind.

 

Also, their attractive friends know you have been FZ'd and this works as a type of negative pre-selection.

I think you've nailed it , at least this is how I find my chick friend's friends act and the girl herself.

 

There are two exceptions though - being friends with a chick who's already taken and being friends with a chick that you don't want to hook up with.

[Bells]

So we agree?

 

This is my point. Your woman "friends" will rarely help you hook up. The ones that have FZ'd you are even worse.

Best bet is to get your LS women to hook you up.

 

This is probably yet ANOTHER reason why women are still wondering why they're still single.

 

Another "mark" if you will.

 

It's like they shut out ANY opportunities to meet men. Sounds like they are doing this just out of spite.

[Bells]

I think you've nailed it , at least this is how I find my chick friend's friends act and the girl herself.

 

There are two exceptions though - being friends with a chick who's already taken and being friends with a chick that you don't want to hook up with.

 

Or....even better.....get a MARRIED woman to hook you up with one of her single friends...for some reason...they have NO problem there.

 

Notice the irony? lol.

[ed-205]

Unfortunately, my own experiences point to one fact.

 

Women who are associated with you will RARELY or NEVER help you with other women, especially attractive ones.

 

Women who have FZ'd you will not want you to hook up with their attractive friends.

Not because they want you; it's just they don't want anyone else to have you either. They want you to be part of their court, and keep you on the backburner in case they change their mind.

 

Also, their attractive friends know you have been FZ'd and this works as a type of negative pre-selection.

The mentality is that "If he is not good enough for my friend Helga, why should he be good enough for me?"

Alas, Chick logic.

 

This is SO True, IME. I've had female "friends" sabotage my chances with other women they didn't even know! The only times that any female "acquaintance" has set me up with one of her friends was because she were trying to do her girlfriend a favor - NOT me! (although I benefited from it).

The moment I feel that I've been FZ'd by a woman, she goes on permanent NC. I don't need to be her "standby" the next time she has a flat tire, or needs to "borrow" a few bucks, that's how a guy gets stuck paying off a $1300 Vet bill for a dog he don't even get to see!

Female "Friends" will expect you to pick them up at the party where their date "ditched" them, look after their kids while they spend the night with their next future ex-b/f, and provide food and shelter for them while they're "between relationships", all "benefits" they know they'll lose out on if they risk letting you meet someone who might actually care about you.

[Bells]

This is SO True, IME. I've had female "friends" sabotage my chances with other women they didn't even know! The only times that any female "acquaintance" has set me up with one of her friends was because she were trying to do her girlfriend a favor - NOT me! (although I benefited from it).

The moment I feel that I've been FZ'd by a woman, she goes on permanent NC. I don't need to be her "standby" the next time she has a flat tire, or needs to "borrow" a few bucks, that's how a guy gets stuck paying off a $1300 Vet bill for a dog he don't even get to see!

Female "Friends" will expect you to pick them up at the party where their date "ditched" them, look after their kids while they spend the night with their next future ex-b/f, and provide food and shelter for them while they're "between relationships", all "benefits" they know they'll lose out on if they risk letting you meet someone who might actually care about you.

 

So...in essence, there's NO such thing as a good "Wing woman"?

[Jersey Shortie]

I think it's important not to burn your bridges. You never know how you will end up meeting someone. I've hung out with guys that I once was interested in and we only became friends, and met his cute friends.