wayfaerer1 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 So I had routine bloodwork done this morning at the hospital. I just put up an away message this morning on AIM saying I was going to the hospital and then off to work. Anyway, I get a text this morning at like 7am from my ex, "Hey, I saw your away message, hope everyone is ok...just wanted to check in." (probably thinking something happened to me or a family member). So, I ignored it. And then, 5 or so hours later, (like 20 minutes ago), she sends me another text message, "I'm sorry I am contacting you, but did you get my text earlier? Is everything ok?" Does she deserve to know what is going on with my life for me to answer her? After what she did? And how self-centered and ridiculous she's been about my feelings since we broke up? She knows I don't want to talk, which is why she said sorry for texting, but should I even respond to her? I mean, I don't think she deserves to know anything, anytime I tried contacting her after we broke up, she could have cared less what I had to say to her... And now all of sudden I'm supposed to give her the time of day, when she never did before? What should I do? Stay no contact? Or break it?
JooLee Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 stay no contact , dont reply her. "I mean, I don't think she deserves to know anything, anytime I tried contacting her after we broke up, she could have cared less what I had to say to her..." you have answered your question yourself. besides replying her wud only let her think you're allowing her back in your life. she doesnt deserve the time of your day.
gummybear Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 So I had routine bloodwork done this morning at the hospital. I just put up an away message this morning on AIM saying I was going to the hospital and then off to work. Anyway, I get a text this morning at like 7am from my ex, "Hey, I saw your away message, hope everyone is ok...just wanted to check in." (probably thinking something happened to me or a family member). So, I ignored it. And then, 5 or so hours later, (like 20 minutes ago), she sends me another text message, "I'm sorry I am contacting you, but did you get my text earlier? Is everything ok?" Does she deserve to know what is going on with my life for me to answer her? After what she did? And how self-centered and ridiculous she's been about my feelings since we broke up? She knows I don't want to talk, which is why she said sorry for texting, but should I even respond to her? I mean, I don't think she deserves to know anything, anytime I tried contacting her after we broke up, she could have cared less what I had to say to her... And now all of sudden I'm supposed to give her the time of day, when she never did before? What should I do? Stay no contact? Or break it? It depends. If you want to get back with her, then respond briefly. But if you truly want to move on, then just ignore her or else you will give her power/desire to continue to contact you (she'd figure that you'd talk to her even when you told her she wouldn't).
Billie63 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I find the dumpee eventually wants to "make up" because they feel bad about the way they treated you. In the beginning they're so desperate to be out of the relationship that they forget to take the other person's feelings into account. But once the dust has settled they start feeling guilty. And they think if you forgive them, it will ease their guilt. It's up to you. Do you want to make her feel better about herself? If she really has been awful, then what sweet revenge to simply ignore her or to send her an abrupt message: "Thank you for your message. Please don't contact me again." What do you want to do?
jolie78 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 i think a simple text like, "i'm fine" won't hurt and is courteous if she is genuinely concerned. it wouldn't be unreasonable that she is concerned given your away msg on IM. one way to avoid this in the future, though, is to just block her from your IM. that way, she won't be able to see when you're on or any of your away msgs. i don't think it's really NC if they see that you're on-line and therefore have the power to choose whether or not to talk to you.
Geishawhelk Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 text back 'routine bloodwork' then delete her number off your PC. If you feel so strongly about her, why still have her details?
CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I wouldn't answer her at all and I would also block her off all your IM programs and mark her cell number "name" as "DO NOT ANSWER". Worked for me
gummybear Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I wouldn't answer her at all and I would also block her off all your IM programs and mark her cell number "name" as "DO NOT ANSWER". Worked for me Did you really block your ex's IM? Did she still try to contact you afterward?
CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Did you really block your ex's IM? Did she still try to contact you afterward? Yes and I have no clue if she tried to contact me. She's blocked!
Author wayfaerer1 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I sent her a message back, just a simple, "routine bloodwork". She then responded with, "Ahh ok, sorry I contacted you, I just wanted to know everyone was ok." I'm a big pussy..., but I suppose I would be concerned too if someone I knew left that as an away message. I still hate her though and will continue this no contact thing. She obviously still checks my away messages daily, that's for sure.
Author wayfaerer1 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Does being a nice guy ever pay off? I mean, I'm starting to think that women just don't want a nice guy around - maybe I should just start getting into fights at the bar, or acting like a dick in front of women. I don't get it.
Author wayfaerer1 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I think I'm going to rent Swingers tonight... I feel like crap once again, and I was doing so well...
Geishawhelk Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I'm really sorry to say this, but if you've let her into your head, it's you that's let her into your head. Ridiculous as this may sound to you, please don't get mad - just "listen" to what I'm 'saying' and think about it. You didn't think twice about posting that message to everyone to advise them all of what you were doing, did you? How many other people actually called you to see if everything was OK? She showed some concern, you explained, she messaged back. That's it. Finito. Over and done with. let me tell you a little 'fable'. There are two monks walking along a road to town. Now, it's one of the rules for these monks that they have no verbal or physical contact with women. But they get to a ford, and a woman is struggling to get across, as she is encumbered by an infirmity and an unsteadiness on her feet. The older monk, seeing her difficulty, simply indicates she should take a ride piggy-back, and he helps her over the stream. Two hours down the road, the younger monk can contain himself no longer. "How could you have done something like that?! You know it is forbidden for us to have any contact with women! You have broken your vows and done something terrible! How could you be so senseless?!??" The older monk turns to him and calmly replies, "You know, I put that helpless woman down, two hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?" If you let something ruin your whole day - it's down to you, that it's ruining your whole day. You can't blame her if she's effectively signalled closure on today's contact. She was worried, she called, you answered. Stop with the whys, wherefores amd woe is mes. It's done. Move on now. Leave it behind and get a grip. The choice is yours.
Author wayfaerer1 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 You're absolutely right. I learned my lesson though - never again - no more contact.
gummybear Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 You're absolutely right. I learned my lesson though - never again - no more contact. Good for you! What you replied back to her was brief and good and did not show you were weak in any way. Absolute NC ofcourse will be best but you did not set yourself back by what you did. Now keep NC and you will be on your way to moving on. Stay strong! =)
CaliGuy Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Does being a nice guy ever pay off? I mean, I'm starting to think that women just don't want a nice guy around - maybe I should just start getting into fights at the bar, or acting like a dick in front of women. I don't get it. Not in the classic "door mat" nice guy sense. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" (Glover) and you'll understand what changes you need to make. Cheers.
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