dozer4444 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Ive been married for 13 yrs. After 2yrs of being into our first house, wife came to me with "I want a divorce". I was so shocked and confused. We were young 28 and I thought we were just getting started on a new life together. I was torn apart, and cried and pleaded for weeks untill I was offered a job working out of state Mon-Fri and only being in our home Sat and Sun. She was never around because of her weekend job. After 6 months of me finnally getting back to my sense of not being deppressed any more, she got any inkling that i was seeing someone else. Which I was not. To make a long story short, we got back together moved to another house had 2 boys and after 11 years, wants out. She says im sellfish and self centered because of my unhappiness because she treats me like very bad all the time. Im heartbroken and cannot bear to leave my family. Ive pleaded begged, offered consuling, which she will not do, everything. now she says the children are going to suffer because being at home Sat and Sun. Im so deppressed there. I m scared to act like everything is ok...cheerful...happy...and whatever because I dont want her to think im ok with this. Should I act? Or just ignore her and be wonderful to my kids. Im so confused... Basically she wants me to act in front of the kids like nothing is going on between us. Please help
quankanne Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 hate to ruin your day, but it sounds like her mind is set about the split. As much as you don't want this, sometimes you've got to move forward without the person you most want to be with. however, that shouldn't affect your relationship with your kids, nor should you allow it to do so. At this point, they are the one sure thing about your relationship with her. get yourself to counselling and prepare to move forward in life without her as your wife. Because unless she's got it within herself to forgive the past and work on building up your marriage, she's not going to stick around.
TrustInYourself Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Well first off, this isn't about you it's about her unhappiness. With that being said, you should be as happy as you can be. Sure you feel bad. Deal with those feelings, don't ignore them. But that doesn't mean your emotions have to be an open book for all the world to see. The faster you move forward with your life the better. It's up to you on how quickly you want to do that.
dead-dyke Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 + if she is saying the kids are going to suffer, and refuse counseling, she the perpetrator here, not you.
Author dozer4444 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 hope you did not get the wrong info...she says the kids would suffer if they would have to see my deppression on the weekends when i am home. Do I act like nothing is happening in my marriage in front of them. Its hard. they are 8 and 4. I dont want my wife to think im ok and agree with situation. I will not tell her that. what do you think?
dead-dyke Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Sorry, yeah I misinterpreted. I would think for the well being of your children it would be wise to not let them see any strife in you. I don't think that will affect the way your wife would see it, as you were just fine w/ the status quot. BUT. I should inform you I have no children of my own. But I would think that is the right approach as far as the children are concerned.
TrustInYourself Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Sorry, yeah I misinterpreted. I would think for the well being of your children it would be wise to not let them see any strife in you. I don't think that will affect the way your wife would see it, as you were just fine w/ the status quot. BUT. I should inform you I have no children of my own. But I would think that is the right approach as far as the children are concerned. That's sound advice. I'd suggest keeping your children's lives as normal as possible. Raising your children is a partnership you and your wife will share for the rest of your lives. That isn't going to change regardless of your marital situation. If you can both agree on informing your children of the decision and comforting them and assuring them that it doesn't change you or your wife's feelings of love for them, I'd consider that a good thing. Ultimately, it's your decision on whether to make waves and be emotional around your children or to be cool and to keep their involvement limited. I think the latter would be the higher road. Even if your wife has something to hide, your kids shouldn't be involved or used against her. It's rough. Take some time for yourself to handle the situation and cope. Friends, family, etc are a great option to discuss your feelings. Best wishes.
Author dozer4444 Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Thank you all for your support. Ive been in my office trying to figure out some answers on the net, came across this site and all I can say ... is thank you
Author dozer4444 Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Just found out we are having another baby. My wife states that the pregnacy did not sit well with her but is willing to give it 100% towards our family. Her sister is even going to stay with us for a while. Should help out alot. (less stress on my wife). You know what they say about los Angeles smog, it makes you nuts. anyways I feel 100% better. bye for good
dead-dyke Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Congratulations - I hope eveything turns out smooth as butter for you. GOOD LUCK!
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