Rich464 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Me and the ex have been split up for 7 months now after 5 years together, she turns up at my house randomly and we seemed to be getting along well. That was 3 weeks ago. Today at work my best friend of 2 years takes me aside and tells me he's sleeping with her and its been going on a while and then walks away without even replying. I have to work with this guy too so i left for the afternoon to clear my head and not act unprofessional. I'm torn apart here, I feel so many different things, upset, angry, betrayed and I'm struggling to quantify this in my head. I love that girl and he was my best friend who I poured my heart out to when we broke up and he betrayed me. Can anyone offer any words of wisdom because I feel really, really low. The breakup was painful as hell and now this. I feel lost en empty inside
carhill Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Yuk No succinct words of wisdom, except to perhaps try real hard to find another job. Look at it this way. Now you know what kind of people they are (as much the "telling" as the sleeping together part), so you can let them go and heal yourself.
Billie63 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Oh you poor thing! This happened to me 15 years ago and I still remember the pain like yesterday. Luckily i had a sister who kept me sane when all I wanted to do was tear round there and kill the pair of them. She said to me: "do not feed their drama" the wisest words ever. The truth is their entanglement has been oh so exciting while it was all undercover and they were sneaking around behind your back. now it is all out in the open, all they have is whatever bond they have managed to forge - if you cause any kind of scene, you will be adding excitement to their mundane lives. Of course there is always a chance they have simply fallen in love and there is nothing you can do about it - but I doubt if that's the case. Play your cards close to your chest. You can not be friends with this guy anymore and you need to let him know that. Take it from me - their relationship will be over within 6 months. I got over it and so will you but please try to keep your cool and be careful who you confide in.
quankanne Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 heh ... I think I'd let the evil imp take over. You know, encourage him to discuss their sex life, then say things like, "I don't know if she does this with you, but when we were getting it on, she really liked blah-blah," or "Dude, if she starts complaining about a weird itching sensation, get to a doctor stat, because I learned the hard way and $500 later just what an STD was." I know, evil, but what better way than to get inside his mind and introduce doubt? or you can take the high road, chalk it up to a learning experience and do your best to not get involved in the drama.
Crazy.S Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 i cant even imagine how you must be feeling. you did the right thing and if you have any self-respect, you would move on and forget the both of them. move on with your life, you deserve much better. hang in there
lovelorcet Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 heh ... I think I'd let the evil imp take over. You know, encourage him to discuss their sex life, then say things like, "I don't know if she does this with you, but when we were getting it on, she really liked blah-blah," or "Dude, if she starts complaining about a weird itching sensation, get to a doctor stat, because I learned the hard way and $500 later just what an STD was." I know, evil, but what better way than to get inside his mind and introduce doubt? or you can take the high road, chalk it up to a learning experience and do your best to not get involved in the drama. I see 3 options depending on what you can handle... But no matter what the "don't feed their drama is good advice." 1. Just walk away from it all 2. Be cool with it and let it be 3. Kind of like the above, you were there first and know her well. **** with his head while you can. If you choose 3 be prepared that you may learn that she was cheating on you and maybe even with this guy.
saams Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 personally i'd beat the **** out of him but thats probably not a good idea since you guys work together >< just be cool and forget about them both, belive me it's gonna hurt more if you talk to them and find out it was going on while you were together with her or she left becours of him or whatever else.
whichwayisup Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 One punch landed on him should do the trick - Then walk away and get some ice for your hand. Only do this nowhere near work and working hours.. Cut them both out of your life, there's no point in continuing with either of them. Sorry that you're hurting.
CaliGuy Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Nah, don't punch him. In fact, the best thing you can do is smile and say "Hey, good luck to you both..." and keep a happy face and mind your own business. They want to irritate you. It's fun to them. Don't give them any power over you. By handling it this way they'll see that you're a strong confident guy and they'll not bother you anymore. As long as you don't feed their drama you're good to go.
ioncebelieved Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Me and the ex have been split up for 7 months now after 5 years together, she turns up at my house randomly and we seemed to be getting along well. That was 3 weeks ago. Today at work my best friend of 2 years takes me aside and tells me he's sleeping with her and its been going on a while and then walks away without even replying. I have to work with this guy too so i left for the afternoon to clear my head and not act unprofessional. I'm torn apart here, I feel so many different things, upset, angry, betrayed and I'm struggling to quantify this in my head. I love that girl and he was my best friend who I poured my heart out to when we broke up and he betrayed me. Can anyone offer any words of wisdom because I feel really, really low. The breakup was painful as hell and now this. I feel lost en empty inside Depending on how long a while he has been sleeping with her is the key here. Obviously, if it was while you two were together or soon after the split and you hurt from it that would be a huge problem!! Otherwise she would be free game......but, the way he broke it to you was indeed lame and weak!! You do not need enemies when you have friends like this. I think Cali's advice is SPOT ON!!
RogueAC Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Definitely some good advice posted. I just wanted to add that I am sorry you are hurting and that you have to deal with these raw emotions. It is painful when people in our lives betray us, especially the ones that you trust and love. Stay strong.
BCCA Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Depending on how long a while he has been sleeping with her is the key here. Obviously, if it was while you two were together or soon after the split and you hurt from it that would be a huge problem!! Otherwise she would be free game......but, the way he broke it to you was indeed lame and weak!! You do not need enemies when you have friends like this. I think Cali's advice is SPOT ON!! Anyone that calls themselves my 'friend' would NEVER so much as call any ex of mine without talking to me FIRST. Its just respect. If I saw an ex my friend had in 11th grade, I still wouldnt do anything until I got his ok. And even if I said I was really starting to like the girl, and its been a while, and my friend wasnt cool with it, that would be it. Chances are this bozo was playing the 'double agent' role during your split or right after, and took advantage of an emotional girl. Think about the kind of person that would do that, and go behind his 'friends' back like this. Punching this waste of space wouldnt even be worth the effort of swinging your arm. I'm sorry, but this guy is a complete scumbag. He probably only told you to be a jerk. She probably told him not to, and the coment about what happens once the excitement wears off is dead on. I give them another 2-3 months TOPS. He probably thinks its going somewhere, and 'wanted to tell you', while she probably realizes its not and, therefore, there was no need to tell you.
0hpenelope Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Wow... Poor excuse of a person, really. There's nothing else I can add to the advice, but seriously. You can come out of this smelling like a rose by keeping your cool and not showing them that it fazed you. In other words... Stay classy.
ioncebelieved Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Anyone that calls themselves my 'friend' would NEVER so much as call any ex of mine without talking to me FIRST. Its just respect. If I saw an ex my friend had in 11th grade, I still wouldnt do anything until I got his ok. And even if I said I was really starting to like the girl, and its been a while, and my friend wasnt cool with it, that would be it. Chances are this bozo was playing the 'double agent' role during your split or right after, and took advantage of an emotional girl. Think about the kind of person that would do that, and go behind his 'friends' back like this. Punching this waste of space wouldnt even be worth the effort of swinging your arm. I'm sorry, but this guy is a complete scumbag. He probably only told you to be a jerk. She probably told him not to, and the coment about what happens once the excitement wears off is dead on. I give them another 2-3 months TOPS. He probably thinks its going somewhere, and 'wanted to tell you', while she probably realizes its not and, therefore, there was no need to tell you. Well exactly!! My point how he went about it was LOW!!!! Double agent is about right.
Jilly Bean Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 They want to irritate you. It's fun to them. Don't give them any power over you. Why would you assume this? Its a pretty paranoid conclusion and I didnt get the feeling that they are taunting him with it or consider it "fun". Just because they are both wrong, doesn't mean they did it to get back at him in any way... OP - Id feel REALLY betrayed by your friend. Your ex is out of your life, but its supposed to be bros before ho's, right? I would try to cut ties as best you can with him.
malibustacydoll Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I have not read anyone elses' responses. When I first saw the thread I wondered about longevity. If you were dating the girl for only a little while then I feel like it is something you can forgive. However, since you were with her for so long and he knew about it I would be just as angry as you are now. He certainly did betray you. If he were interested in her, and you and her were really over, then he should of come to you. You could have disagreed and told him not to, but he should of at least warned you. It is a very fine line. It will also be very awkward to work with him. I don't know where you work, but I hope it is in an environment where you aren't in contact with him that frequently if you don't want to be. I wish you the best of luck though.
Nemo Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 You should wish them well. Wouldn't you want the best for her, since you two weren't meant to be together? Well, who better than your best friend?!
CaliGuy Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Why would you assume this? Its a pretty paranoid conclusion and I didnt get the feeling that they are taunting him with it or consider it "fun". Just because they are both wrong, doesn't mean they did it to get back at him in any way... The way his supposive best friend told him is taunting. That's not cool. If someone is your friend and you're boinking his ex, I think you'd want to tiptoe around that and let him know as gently as possible. The way that whole think went down was just totally classless.
Jilly Bean Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 The way his supposive best friend told him is taunting. That's not cool. If someone is your friend and you're boinking his ex, I think you'd want to tiptoe around that and let him know as gently as possible. The way that whole think went down was just totally classless. Granted he didn't deliver the news very well, but how does one say that? Though he was wrong to get with her at all, at least he owned up to it, and I really don't think he was taunting him with it. I got the feeling he wanted to come clean, and was very awkward about it, and probably walked away for fear of getting punched.
shayna Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Drop him as a friend if you can manage that at all. He's pathetic and not worthy of your time or friendship. I have no respect for people who think this is OK. I'm sorry this is harsh, but this is how I feel and I will not and can not budge from this view, ever. Believe me, I've tried. Its sick and twisted. I wonder how many people that do this to their friends have had it done to them at some point- I imagine very few, unless they are those seeking some sort of revenge for it happening to them in the past. Otherwise, they are just heartless people out for only their own gain. There are soooooo many other women out there - why does he have to get with your ex? Sure its convenient but true friends are much harder to find then some girl to sleep with (no offense meant toward you or your ex as being just "some girl") ! Its just asking for trouble for all involved. Why can't people se that ahead of time? Its so not worth it. And 7 months is nothing after a 5 year relationship- 3 or even 4 years after is borderline if you ask me. I'm so incredibly angry toward your friend it makes me want to scream. Can you tell I've been through this recently????
Author Rich464 Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Thanks for the various pieces of advice people. I hate having to look at his smug face every day and see him laughing thinking he doesn't deserve to be happy after what he's done and he never even apologised. The gutting thing is I confided in him about my break up while he was sleeping with her and he acted like nothing was going on! Scumbag.... Guess it's just a waiting game now until I can get over this. Thanks all
Billie63 Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Hi Rich, do you think your so called friend has done this out of some kind of rivalry? Do you really believe he is smirking at you? If so, then he was never your friend and you are well rid of this wolf in sheep's clothing. Like you, I confided in my friend when my relationshhip was in trouble and she urged me to dump ihim Six weeks after we split they were together. I discovered later from a mutual friend that she'd come onto him while we were together. Pathetic behaviour. Keep your head high, don't sink to playing games with him - we know who the gameplayer is here and it will come to bite him on the backside. Like I said before, I give their 'relationship' six months. Why? Because it was built on deceit and lies, never a good foundation for a solid relationship.
Simplycaroline Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Granted he didn't deliver the news very well, but how does one say that? Though he was wrong to get with her at all, at least he owned up to it, and I really don't think he was taunting him with it. I got the feeling he wanted to come clean, and was very awkward about it, and probably walked away for fear of getting punched. The best way to deliver news like that is by not delivering it at all. The only purpose for this is selfishness. it is done o aliviate his or her own guilt or to intentionally taunt. I don't believe that it was to taunt but I still do not believe that this is coming from a good place just the same.
Simplycaroline Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Drop him as a friend if you can manage that at all. He's pathetic and not worthy of your time or friendship. I have no respect for people who think this is OK. I'm sorry this is harsh, but this is how I feel and I will not and can not budge from this view, ever. Believe me, I've tried. Its sick and twisted. I wonder how many people that do this to their friends have had it done to them at some point- I imagine very few, unless they are those seeking some sort of revenge for it happening to them in the past. Otherwise, they are just heartless people out for only their own gain. There are soooooo many other women out there - why does he have to get with your ex? Sure its convenient but true friends are much harder to find then some girl to sleep with (no offense meant toward you or your ex as being just "some girl") ! Its just asking for trouble for all involved. Why can't people se that ahead of time? Its so not worth it. And 7 months is nothing after a 5 year relationship- 3 or even 4 years after is borderline if you ask me. I'm so incredibly angry toward your friend it makes me want to scream. Can you tell I've been through this recently???? I have to say that I agree with you. Forgiveness is a journey and the destination is sometimes reached and sometimes not. People often have the flawed view that because you forgive someone that proof of that is welcoming them to remain in your life. I have forgiven many things of many people but rather they were welcome to stay in my life was a matter to be decided by me and me alone. In time he will be able to pick of the pieces and eventually learn to trust again. Hopefully it will be someone who would not dream of taking such liberties with his affections rather it be friend or lover. As for this woman and this man that did him such harm? They sound like wreckless humans that have little respect and or regard for anyones feeling but their own.
Peter_pan Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 that is so bad man!! i would be so mad at your "mate". i feel angry and its not even happened to me. i would higher someone to beat f out of him lol or move jobs and do it yourself... all i can say is she clearly isnt worth it. sometimes people turn out to be someone you didnt fall in love with thats life. and cut ties with him, he is a d***
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