Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Something came up in another thread which has inspired this one. Let's say you've gotten past the dating stage and are in a relationship with a woman. You're not co-habitating yet. If the woman pays her equal share for everything, including outtings, do you feel emasculated? Here's the inspirational thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t164960/
johan Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Something came up in another thread which has inspired this one. Let's say you've gotten past the dating stage and are in a relationship with a woman. You're not co-habitating yet. If the woman pays her equal share for everything, including outtings, do you feel emasculated? I have to admit I do. But I kind of like it.
carhill Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 No way. There are many currencies besides monetary ones
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 johan, you're so conflicted. carhill, does this mean you don't feel emasculated?
johan Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 If I was an rich and famous actor or something cool like that, then I think I would be ok with it. I honestly don't think who pays means a whole lot. I won't argue over the check, but then I don't expect her to either. Things even out and I wouldn't turn paying for dinner into a power struggle. But she also shouldn't.
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 What if she never pays for anything, expecting you to pay for everything, regardless if she can afford it or not?
Nemo Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 If my partner reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wad, then I find it something of a turn-on. I would love to be emasculated to relieve the tension, but circumstances may dictate otherwise.
carhill Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 carhill, does this mean you don't feel emasculated? Affirmative. Money does not define me I recall my wife doing such things as suggested in the OP. It's just how relationships flow, to me. Some of my female friends even paid for me. I have a different view of gender roles than some. Scourge of my existence, sometimes
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Nemo, do boy/boy situations emasculate? I didn't know that. Thanks for the clarification carhill. Got it this time!
Nemo Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 With so much frenzied talk about emasculation, I may have to dart off soon and rub one out.
Gold Pile Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 If we don't reach this more or less 50/50 situation...I'd dump her. It's all about fairness
Rafa Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 If we don't reach this more or less 50/50 situation...I'd dump her. It's all about fairness Agreed. My ex hated spending her own money but was always happy for me to pay for most things, even when I wasn't so flush. Doesn't make me feel emasculated in the slightest, it makes me feel that they care about my situation and not just their own.
Owl Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I disagree. If she wants to pay her own way, that's fine. If I feel that she's paying too much, I can always compensate by using that money I didn't spend to get her little gifts or something so that it all balances out in the end. This of course coming from a guy who's been married for over two decades...his dating experiences might be just a WEE bit rusty!
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Nope. I like it when my girlfriend pays her share for everything, it means I have more money to spend with her.
grogster Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 My emasculation threshold is much higher than that. If she wants to pay her fair share, that's fine by me.
tanbark813 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 If the woman pays her equal share for everything, including outtings, do you feel emasculated? Not at all. I rarely have a problem with people doing something that saves me money.
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Some of the LS men who I most respect have given their input into this thread. It appears to be an overwhelming vote for it not to be emasculating, for whatever () their reasons.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Some of the LS men who I most respect have given their input into this thread. It appears to be an overwhelming vote for it not to be emasculating, for whatever () their reasons. It's because they are not stuck in their ways, that's why!
Trimmer Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Something came up in another thread which has inspired this one. Let's say you've gotten past the dating stage and are in a relationship with a woman. You're not co-habitating yet. If the woman pays her equal share for everything, including outtings, do you feel emasculated? Not at all. It isn't part of what defines me as a man. Now having said that, if she couldn't even receive a gift without feeling like she had to reciprocate in absolutely equal measure, I think I might wonder whether she was holding herself back from committing to the relationship, as if keeping a "balanced account" insulated her from obligation or commitment, and kept the door open for an easy exit. But that would be a feeling about the relationship dynamic, and not about my identity as a man. I think a general willingness to both give (to pay her share sometimes or half the time or whatever) and receive (to accept a gift, or me paying some of the time) in a relaxed dynamic would be the thing I would find most comfortable. Again, any wierd subtexts around those issues would be more likely to make me wonder about the relationship dynamic than about my own manhood. With so much frenzied talk about emasculation, I may have to dart off soon and rub one out. "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Inyigo Montoya
The Collector Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 A man has to pay to be a man to me. A lady has to think other than this to be a lady to me. Can you see my new avatar? It said the file didn't upload, but it looks ok to me... anyway fight the power and don't trust whitey.
fral945 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 If the woman pays her equal share for everything, including outtings, do you feel emasculated? Not at all. I think it might be a generational thing, though. Maybe there are some older guys who would. Most guys my age I know would feel used if the woman never paid or offered. I feel a little like Trimmer though, I'd feel she might be one of these women who expect 100% equality in a relationship (which I don't necessarily buy into). There will be times when she gives more and times when I give more, so I'd feel like she keeping tabs of who owes who.
Angel1111 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Some of the LS men who I most respect have given their input into this thread. It appears to be an overwhelming vote for it not to be emasculating, for whatever () their reasons. I'm sure that someone like John Gray who has studies thousands of relationships doesn't know what on earth he's talking about. Now watch what happens when these men find a woman they're totally in love with and watch how differently they act. I've seen this a dozen times - the guy and girl are on this 'equal' kick until he falls madly in love with someone else and she stands there in complete amazement and says, "He never treated ME like that!"
Author Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Don't we all want to feel special, gender aside? What are the underlying issues behind either wanting to be bought and paid for, thus feeling special, or mutual appreciation and equality? It appears that emasculation isn't one of the issues for the LS men. Perhaps it's because they don't have the insecurities surrounding men who aren't as self-aware? One's who aren't as comfortable with their masculinity that they feel challenged, when there's a woman who appreciates them back?
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I bought my girlfriend a few gifts from holiday (they weren't tacky souvenirs) they were beauty products sold in that country, and were not available in my country. When I gave them to her and she opened them, she said "I will pay for your lunch as you bought me these gifts". I was taken aback by this, because as much as I appreciated the offer I didn't buy her the gifts, so she would be in my debt. I bought them for her because I wanted to. It seems to me that this equality thing can backfire as it did there....
Recommended Posts