treeluva Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I wanted to call him today. So badly. I felt my fingers itching. So I left the house. I went for a drive. I went to my local hangout and talked to people for a few hours. I didn't call him. I didn't text him. I didn't email him. (one of the reasons I left home, that way I wouldn't be near my computer) I should feel good about resisting the temptation to call him. Day 12 of NC. All it does it make me feel worse because its 12 days he hasn't contacted me, either. So, I started thinking about the reasons why I wanted to call him. Because I felt scared. Scared. And he always made me feel safe. I was sitting in my house and all of a sudden I had this huge panic attack of being scared. Of everything and nothing all at the same time. And I am left thinking, what the hell happened to me? What happened to the woman who was independent, strong, and knew what was in front of her? Did this one other person really screw me up to the point of not recognizing myself anymore? Why am I wasting my energy on a man who I am NOT safe with? The illuision is easier than reality.
Intergalactic Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 does he know you have started NC? perhaps that's why he hasn't initiated contact - because he knows you need the time. we all wonder what "happened" to us after the relationship ends. all that happened is we fell in love. and we believed, however risky that may be, that the person we fell in love with would continue to be there, if not forever then definitely for the next little while. a break up, when the dumpee doesn't want it, always happens too soon. i remember asking my ex why it had to be NOW, why the relationship couldn't have lasted a bit longer. all that doesn't matter anymore. it's happened, and all we can do is try and pick up the pieces left. don't beat yourself up about this. i know it's hard, but think about it... and then just let it go. visualise letting it go, if that helps. things are the way they are, people come and go and there will ALWAYS be someone else. just remember that if you don't get back together with him and be happy, then you'll be with someone else and be happy. or you'll choose to be on your own, and be happy. at the end of the day, the result is the same - you WILL be happy.
jolie78 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 as sad as i may be as well, i also know that the feeling can pass rather quickly. you may be panicky for a couple weeks or three after a breakup, and then suddenly wake up and be done with it. and with age, that time lessens. i'm 29, but my worse breakup, when i felt really down (and now even because the relationship was all that important) was when i was 27. now, i feel sad but i am holding onto the belief that the feeling will be over soon. it's kinda like being on a roller coaster ride, terrifying, but you know it has to come to an end. there will be an end, and regardless of what it is, you'll be okay. good job on keeping up with nc. it's tough, but another day has passed.
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