tuscansun Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 So I've posted some threads about my ugly split with my ex/kinda fiance of 3 and a half years....Long story short, we were madly in love for a long time, things went sour but we were both super committed to making it work anyway. Emotionally I started detaching before he did, I had a lot of stressful things going on in my life and he stressed me out more. I think he sensed I was letting go a bit so he held the reigns that much tighter. I never INTENDED for us to really break up. I was losing feelings for him but I kind of viewed it like a marriage thinking the feelings would come back at some point. He grew impatient. I know having someone just kind of tolerate you can't do wonders for your self esteem...so we did break up but we were still sleeping together, still working it out even if we didn't say that. At some point he started dating a coworker that I detested...Then it was my turn to hang on for dear life. Things progressed with the new girl, after about 5 months or so he started sleeping with her and began to claim her as his girlfriend. BUT the catch is, he didn't tell me this, he claims, cuz he knew Id walk away. He admitted that he didn't expect to last long with " " and he hoped we could work things out at some point. He said this was just something he needed to do, which I might have respected had he not LIED ABOUT IT.... He was even making plans to come and visit me (he lives 3 hours away) for lunch to "see what that would do". Well anyway, when I found out they were an official couple and they were sleeping together (he was my first so I was pretty possesive), I freaked. After hysterically cussing him out and telling him I wasted my heart, body, and life on him and I regretted every second of our relationship, I successfully went NC for over a month. Changed my emails, made him think I changed my number, was LIVID. Well today, after thinking about it for weeks, I emailed him something very short and sweet, I apologized for what I said, told him I shouldn't have acted how I did the last time we spoke, and I wished him the best. Just about three lines, nothing major. He wrote me back something even shorter, saying thank you for writing, I made his day and he thinks about that night a lot....then he signed it "Sincerely"....It was painfully cordial. Just not sure what to make of it. I know I didn't make a mistake to write because I really felt that, for me and my conscience, I needed to apologize for at least my behaviour so I know that I did my part and Im free of it, but I'm confused by him. Is he still angry? Is he still hurt? It's just wierd that he cried and seemed to be in so much pain when I said those things, and now that Ive apologized he's just like whatever..."you made my day?" I dunno...any thoughts?
Intergalactic Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 are you wanting to get back together? and if you do want to, do you really think this can be fixed? from your post, it sounds like he lied to you for 5 months, started a new relationship whilst keeping you around and basically ****ed you over. it doesn't sound like something that can be fixed. if you don't want to get back together and you realise that it can't be fixed, then what does it matter what it all means? stop concerning yourself with it and find happiness in something that doesn't cause you stress and hurt.
westrock Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Well today, after thinking about it for weeks, I emailed him something very short and sweet, I apologized for what I said, told him I shouldn't have acted how I did the last time we spoke, and I wished him the best. Just about three lines, nothing major. I think you did the right thing to email him and you handled it just right. He wrote me back something even shorter, saying thank you for writing, I made his day and he thinks about that night a lot....then he signed it "Sincerely"....It was painfully cordial. Just not sure what to make of it. He probably was not expecting your email, so he may be confused, not sure what to make of your email and the implications. I am not sure what kind of reply you were expecting to receive back from him at this time. Also, his timing may not be the same as yours. but I'm confused by him. Is he still angry? Is he still hurt? It's just wierd that he cried and seemed to be in so much pain when I said those things, and now that Ive apologized he's just like whatever..."you made my day?" I dunno...any thoughts? Most people don't say "you made my day" unless you truly did make their day. I would see this as a positive statement and not just indifference on his part. Give him time to digest your email and think about things. If he reaches out to you then listen to what he says. The ball is in his court.
Author tuscansun Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Thanks Westrock that was helpful. From all the crap I said to him Im sure he wasn't expecting to hear from me so, that's probably the case. And no intergalactic I don't want him back. Things are so messy I don't think they can be fixed. I think I just feel like we had something really amazing outside the romantic realm, that I hoped that one day, obviously not soon, we could at least be on the 'I can call and see how you're doing occasionally' level. He's moving back here next year to the city I'm in and I thought itd be nice to be at peace by then. He's definitely not what I thought he was, so romantically, I'm pretty sure we're done, he's not what I want. But sometimes I think 3 and a half years! Such a long time to have it end in sh**....
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