shadowplay Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Yah, I did? God I'm all fcvked up. I think the point is that everyone's going to keep failing at my main criteria: being Wesley. Except my boss? I think Wesley is ingrained in your mind as "the one" partly because you met him when you were young and impressionable. You imprinted on him like a baby animal imprints on its mother. There are probably many variants of Wesley that could have filled the same role. If could have as easily been Doug, or Ralph, or some other schmo. If you really want him back maybe you should try contacting him. Do you think there's any chance he'd still be interested? If all else fails get famous for something and then he'll kick himself for dismissing you. That's my plan. Sorry my advice sucks. My mind is lazy at the moment.
almost famous Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Well, hey, look up. You got to see the lovely metropolis of Des Moines, Iowa.
shadowplay Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Also the fact that his name is Wesley doesn't help. It sounds like the name of a character in some bad romantic novel.
Author spookie Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 like a baby animal imprints on its mother. I've been thinking about that a lot recently, the concept of childlove, and I think it does have a lot to do with this. My childhood was uncomfortable and Wesley was my first safe spot, my first haven, my home. The only person I believed loved me unconditionally. I believed in his love more than I did my own parents' and I literally felt that as long as I had him, nothing else mattered, because no matter what happened, the most important thing was that he be near. Like a child and its mother, in so many ways, except I never felt that way about mine. I mean, I didn't even LISTEN to my parents past the age of nine. So I don't know. Maybe you're on to something. But I still don't know what to do about that.
Author spookie Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Also the fact that his name is Wesley doesn't help. It sounds like the name of a character in some bad romantic novel. Yah. It's such a romantic name. I can live without him, because I learned what I had to from him, but I'm still constantly grieving for him. I just cannot believe that he's gone. That I might never see him again, never feel him loving me.
shadowplay Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I've been thinking about that a lot recently, the concept of childlove, and I think it does have a lot to do with this. My childhood was uncomfortable and Wesley was my first safe spot, my first haven, my home. The only person I believed loved me unconditionally. I believed in his love more than I did my own parents' and I literally felt that as long as I had him, nothing else mattered, because no matter what happened, the most important thing was that he be near. Like a child and its mother, in so many ways, except I never felt that way about mine. I mean, I didn't even LISTEN to my parents past the age of nine. So I don't know. Maybe you're on to something. But I still don't know what to do about that. Were your parents cold? If you had a not so close relationship with them that would also explain your commitment phobia and fear of intimacy. People who have trouble with intimacy usually didn't get enough love from their parents growing up. If you channeled all of that child love into Wesley than it would be hard to get over. Might be as traumatic as losing a parent, which it seems to have been for you.
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Check the pockets. No... DO NOT check the pockets!!! What if he put Jesus in there to surprise you?
Author spookie Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Were your parents cold? If you had a not so close relationship with them that would also explain your commitment phobia and fear of intimacy. People who have trouble with intimacy usually didn't get enough love from their parents growing up. If you channeled all of that child love into Wesley than it would be hard to get over. Might be as traumatic as losing a parent, which it seems to have been for you. My early childhood was really chaotic, with frequent conditions set by my parents on their love - that was their method of parenting. Then in 6th grade my dad cheated on my mom and my mom lost it for a couple of weeks, locking me up in a room with her while she just went crazy. In my mind that incident permanently separated me from my parents. I began to feel really uncomfortable around my dad (a feeling that persists to today) and basically stopped having a relationship with him. I think we've only had one-sentence conversations since then, and though I have some hazy memories of a time when I really, really loved him, I can't honestly say that I do anymore, or have for a long time. As for my mom, her conditions persist, and I've always felt the further I stayed away from her, the happier both of us would be. Wesley just took me away from all that and loved me, the child me. We really grew up together, mentally and emotionally. He also had a scarred childhood
xpaperxcutx Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 My early childhood was really chaotic, with frequent conditions set by my parents on their love - that was their method of parenting. Then in 6th grade my dad cheated on my mom and my mom lost it for a couple of weeks, locking me up in a room with her while she just went crazy. In my mind that incident permanently separated me from my parents. I began to feel really uncomfortable around my dad (a feeling that persists to today) and basically stopped having a relationship with him. I think we've only had one-sentence conversations since then, and though I have some hazy memories of a time when I really, really loved him, I can't honestly say that I do anymore, or have for a long time. As for my mom, her conditions persist, and I've always felt the further I stayed away from her, the happier both of us would be. Your mom kept you with her because she was afraid you were going to leave her as well, so she locked you with her. Your dad was terrible and his actions rendered her breakdown.
johan Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 So how did the guy know that you were cold? And did you not end up with two sweatshirts? I thought he gave you both his and his friend's.
Author spookie Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 So how did the guy know that you were cold? And did you not end up with two sweatshirts? I thought he gave you both his and his friend's. I put his friend's on the couch before I went to the bathroom.
shadowplay Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 My early childhood was really chaotic, with frequent conditions set by my parents on their love - that was their method of parenting. Then in 6th grade my dad cheated on my mom and my mom lost it for a couple of weeks, locking me up in a room with her while she just went crazy. In my mind that incident permanently separated me from my parents. I began to feel really uncomfortable around my dad (a feeling that persists to today) and basically stopped having a relationship with him. I think we've only had one-sentence conversations since then, and though I have some hazy memories of a time when I really, really loved him, I can't honestly say that I do anymore, or have for a long time. As for my mom, her conditions persist, and I've always felt the further I stayed away from her, the happier both of us would be. Wow, that sounds really painful. Don't take this the wrong way but I think tit explains a lot. It explains why you're so focused on men as a source of validation and love, because you have no relationship with your own father. I've also had no relationship with my father for years and I think it's had the same effect on me. The thing that happened with your mother could have definitely created a fear of intimacy. I know that people who have mentally unstable parents usually end up fearing intimacy because they associate it with bad feelings or loss of control.
Author spookie Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I gotta go, guys. These cockscvkers are closing "in a few minutes".
johan Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I don't know, Spookie. I think you could do better than this guy. He left without his sweatshirt. So either it actually belongs to some other girl he hates. Or he was way to afraid to actually ask for it back. Or he's seriously absent-minded. None of those are appealing.
shadowplay Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Have a good night! Get internet in your apartment, girl.
2sunny Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 leave the sweatshirt for the cute guy to come back and pick up at the coffee shop. leave it with a thank you note and your name and number... he'll be back looking for it.
Author spookie Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 leave the sweatshirt for the cute guy to come back and pick up at the coffee shop. leave it with a thank you note and your name and number... he'll be back looking for it. Meh. Screw men. (There's a tiny spot of free internet in my apartment! Woot.
Lucky_One Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I don't know, Spookie. I think you could do better than this guy. He left without his sweatshirt. So either it actually belongs to some other girl he hates. Or he was way to afraid to actually ask for it back. Or he's seriously absent-minded. None of those are appealing. Divinity student. And I don't know you, but you sort of sound like a mess, and he really could think that you are down and out/homeless/mentally ill, and you needed the sweatshirt. Just a nice guy. Leave it at the coffee shop with a note in the pocket.
2sunny Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 he'll probably post on craigslist looking for you... go check.
djhall Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Also the fact that his name is Wesley doesn't help. It sounds like the name of a character in some bad romantic novel. No, Wesley is not a character in a bad romantic novel. As we all know he is the current Dread Pirate Roberts. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia. The name is the important thing for inspiring the necessary fear. You see, no one would surrender to the dread pirate Westley. As for why she is still hung up on him, this is true love. You think this happens every day?
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