SarahRose Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I have calmed down since I last saw him on Sunday to exchange our things. That nostalgic feeling is going away. I did make the mistake of sending him one text saying I missed him. The more I think it about it, things were not good for a long time. The relationship was very one-sided. Seemed like I would do a lot for him and I hardly got anything back. I read back through a journal a bit and the same theme kept coming up over and over. He was hot and cold all the time. It just seemed like a perpetual mind fleck with him. Even before I moved here, we'd be having a lovely time in chat or on the phone and then it would be days before I would hear from him. I would text and no reply. Nothing. After I got here it ended up the same way. We'd have a great time on the weekend and I wouldn't hear anything from him all week. It was like I didn't exist. I think I spent a lot of time feeling like I didn't exist. He just never seemed to want to meet any of my needs. He would just refuse or ignore it. Like I really wanted him to take a shower with me for fun and he never would. NEVER! I think he told me he loved me maybe 2x in the past year. I guess the real reason he didn't wasn't because of some psychological hoo ha but because he didn't love me. For Valentine's Day, I got nothing. He said it was a stupid holiday etc etc. I told him that even though it was stupid for him, it was important to me but he didn't care. I recall asking for some flowers. Saying I would love a bouquet of flowers. Did he ever do it? No. When we both moved, I helped him move! I spent the weekend helping clean up his filthy apartment that was so dirty it put me into a severe allergy attack for days afterwards. Then I made about 4-5 trips hauling his little stuff from the old to the new and helped him pack it too. Then he had the NERVE to say he bought all the food that weekend implying that I should but the next meal. I said, well I spent all weekend helping you clean and move, the least you can do is buy me dinner. He shut up about that. Plus, I must have spent $40 in petrol hauling his stuff. I can't believe he really thought I was being unfair in not paying for a meal that weekend after all I did. I guess it just shows he had no appreciation for what I did. So it was my turn to move. Did he help me? Heck no! He just acted like a whiny child the entire time making messes and getting on my nerves. He was hot to get some new video game that was due out and somehow he convince me to take him to the mall to look for it. Sheesh I could kick myself. Then I packed by myself and hired cleaners to clean my house. While I was packing, he was laying in bed sleeping. Then the movers got to the house and I had a load of stuff in my car and did he bother to help unload it. He took his laptop and went back to the studio and sat there on his butt surfing the internet. Finally I asked him to please help. He acted all slow and passive aggressive like it was killing him to do something. Sheesh. It was bad and I think I was getting closer to the final straw after that weekend. So it is nice how uncluttered my mind is feeling now without all the constant mind fleck from him. Oh and he hasn't bothered to contact me either. He probably thinks I'm going to come back to him. 1
lofi_tokyo Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Heya SarahRose! Its good to hear you're starting to like.. notice all the bad things. I'm sure they always bothered you, but I think right after a break up, you just momentarily forget, and want things back how they were... its weird having your whole life shifted out of place. This is a great step though - it means you're getting closer and closer to not thinking about him! I kind of went through that a few days ago... just admitting to myself how much he trampled over me. While we were dating, I knew it was going on, and I let it happen, even though it made me sad. When we first broke up, I ignored that sad things... I kept thinking it can be okay it was good, whats going on!? But... yeah. How my ex treated me was a lot like how he treated you it sounds. He did the whole valentines thing too, and like... he NEVER did romantic things unless I begged him or pressured him into it. I remember, maybe a year into our relationship (we dated 2.5yrs), I mentioned how I wasnt the right girl for him, I was sure of it, because he never did romantic things for me, or really invested himself in the relationship, I told him it was pretty one sided. He got offended. That was about the extent of how much I spoke up to him about the little things he never did. Id mention it in passing, but he really did not care to change. As time passed, I worked so hard to entertain him, surprise him, keep him happy, make him feel good, and although he did not return the favors, I let it slide, telling myself I just loved him for him, and he wasnt the type to really be romantic. I should have demanded change a lot sooner than I did. Things finally came to an end when basically stopped awknowledging my feelings, when he started to treat me like complete ****. I really am glad to be done with him. I'm not over him yet... but it feels so great not to be sad anymore... just angry and annoyed. ;p
wayfaerer1 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I totally can relate Sarah, When I look back, my relationship was the same way - there were times when my ex would be really loving, caring, and generous, but overall, she just didn't give it 100% like I did. I definitely put more into our relationship than she did. And that really hurts knowing that, but think about how much better it makes you feel to know you're done with that crap. There IS someone out there who will put in the same amount of love you put in. And that's what allows me to sleep at night, and wake up in the morning.
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