bubblegum Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 We broke up a few weeks ago, I ended it with him because of trust issues, but he immediately turned it around on me, which is fine, he always did that in arguments so I wasn't surprised. Then he would call and text all the time, I'd say let's meet somewhere to talk about things, he'd only want to come to my place, I'd say no, in public so we remain calm and all that, he'd refuse. He eventually agreed to meet at a bar/restaurant, we tried to talk but it was clear he didn't really want to talk so we left and he wanted to come over but I said no. His texts were then angry at first, then started being nicer but flirty and suggestive, so I ignored him for days, until he sent one one day that was cordial and sharing some news that had nothing to do with "us" so I responded, and then he abruptly ended the text exchange with telling me to have a nice day(that was Monday. I was surprised it didn't lead anywhere else. I haven't heard from him since. Now I'm missing him. Grrr.......... help!?!?!? What's going on? (this was friday) He is leaving the country for 2 weeks this week, and I pressure from within to talk to him before he left. So I did, asking him to point me in the direction of some guidelines I needed for a project. He said he could meet me somewhere and give them to me and walk me through them. Initially we areed on Sunday, but then he became pushy about Saturday night, although it'd have to be late. I couldn't meet him because of my own plans, which he wanted me to cut short so I could meet him. I declined to do so. So Sunday he says he can come by but it'll have to be late because he's working at his side job all day. I say ok. (And I'm completely keeping in mind what caliguy pointed out, that my ex just wants sex from me and that's why he's setting it up this way.) So he comes over, helps me, and we talk lightly about the issues leading up to the breakup. I felt slightly indifferent and thought if we tried talking too in depth we'd get defensive and emotional and I didn't want that. He asked if he could shower (he was filthy) so I said ok, and agreed that he could stay here since he lives over an hour away and his commute to work is much shorter from my house. I set us up in 2 different rooms for sleep. He acted ok with it. After a while he convinced me to share a room since we're both watching the same movie. We talked into the night some more about our issues, good talks. We did kiss for a while, but I stopped it there, he was sweet and gentlemanly with my decision (but boy was that difficult for me to do!) and we went to sleep. I dreamt that he was placing all blame for our issues on me (he tends to do this) and woke up crying because I drove away from him in the dream knowing we were breaking up. We talked some more in the morning before he rushed off a little late to work. We hugged and kissed and said goodbye. Any input regarding where this seems to have lead us, what it meant, what's next... will be greatly appreciated!
Author bubblegum Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 Anybody have any feedback or observations? Please?
Author bubblegum Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I texted him and thanked him for helping me out, he took a while and responded coldly. I texted back acting like I didn't notice he was being cold, he texted after awhile with another cold response. What is going on?
semaj Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 just the type of thread i was looking for!, im trying to understand whats going on in my ex's mind right now who broke up with me after 7 years.. well first off you did say you broke up with him for trust issues.. but now you appear to be falling for him again.. i do believe that as we mature the issues that cause breakups being to subside, so im pro 'get back together'.. would you like to get back together with him?
Author bubblegum Posted September 29, 2008 Author Posted September 29, 2008 just the type of thread i was looking for!, im trying to understand whats going on in my ex's mind right now who broke up with me after 7 years.. well first off you did say you broke up with him for trust issues.. but now you appear to be falling for him again.. i do believe that as we mature the issues that cause breakups being to subside, so im pro 'get back together'.. would you like to get back together with him? I don't know what I'd like. He's gone now on his trip, and I'm missing him quite a bit. I'm wondering if he'll call me when he gets back and things like that. He was still a little cold before he left for his trip. I don't understand his hot and coldness. Is your ex like that?
Author bubblegum Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 Somthing I noticed when he came over, he didn't pet my cat who he loved to play with before. He let him in when he noticed him outside, but he didn't pet him at all! At first I thought it was mean of him, like how could he be so uncaring toward a cat even?? But now I wonder if it was to keep himself distanced? or does he not care?
northstar1 Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 Somthing I noticed when he came over, he didn't pet my cat who he loved to play with before. He let him in when he noticed him outside, but he didn't pet him at all! At first I thought it was mean of him, like how could he be so uncaring toward a cat even?? But now I wonder if it was to keep himself distanced? or does he not care? BG - I know it's easy to pick up any signals or behaviours and try to analyze them for hidden meanings - but you'll drive yourself mental. It could be a lot of things - so try not to spend too much time on that.
Geishawhelk Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 I'm having a lot of trouble understanding people who break a relationship off, then say they want no contact, then wonder why their ex- is sticking to no contact. It seems like he's having a lot less trouble moving on than you are. It sounds as if you wanted to break it off with him - but not really.... but he stopped at just before 'but not really'..... so the fact that now he took you at your word you're wondering what's going on? he may be puzzling the same thing about you. "What is it with her? She broke it off, but then keeps blowing hot & cold, let's me sleep over, then lets me sleep with her, but won't have sex, then wakes up crying because we're separated....WTF.....????!!" You need to get your head sorted out, because the way things are, it's confusing BOTH of you.,...but you, more than him, I think.....
Author bubblegum Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 I'm having a lot of trouble understanding people who break a relationship off, then say they want no contact, then wonder why their ex- is sticking to no contact. It seems like he's having a lot less trouble moving on than you are. It sounds as if you wanted to break it off with him - but not really.... but he stopped at just before 'but not really'..... so the fact that now he took you at your word you're wondering what's going on? he may be puzzling the same thing about you. "What is it with her? She broke it off, but then keeps blowing hot & cold, let's me sleep over, then lets me sleep with her, but won't have sex, then wakes up crying because we're separated....WTF.....????!!" You need to get your head sorted out, because the way things are, it's confusing BOTH of you.,...but you, more than him, I think..... I KNOW I'm confused, that's why I'm posting here, geez. I'm just sharing my confused feelings while he's away, and that it's an odd thing that I'm missing him when he's gone AS IF we were together and that I'm waiting for him to get back. BTW I didn't tell him about the dream. I think it's normal for people to have mixed feelings during and after a breakup no matter who broke up with who isn't it? GEEEEZ!
Geishawhelk Posted September 30, 2008 Posted September 30, 2008 It's not a question of being confused. It's a question of if you say something, do it. If you have no intention of doing something, why suggest it? I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but in a way, you've brought this upon yourself. If you'd stuck to your guns and done what you originally said, you might not be so confused. Sorry.
Author bubblegum Posted September 30, 2008 Author Posted September 30, 2008 It's not a question of being confused. That's funny now you're saying my feelings of confusion are not valid? Of course I'd be in a different boat right now if I hadn't seen him this last time. But I did and now I'm writing about it. Your words aren't harsh, I get what you're saying, I just think that you're invalidating my experience and you sounded slightly angry about my post, too. I wonder why?
daphne Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 you sounded slightly angry about my post, too. I wonder why? Very possibly he was on the receiving end of wishy washy behavior from an ex after a breakup and realizes how painful it can be when the dumper strings along the ex for validation. You can't have it both ways. If you wanted to end it, then it would be kinder for you not to be selfish and not need him to want you back so you can move about the business of getting over it while he suffers. He needs to move on since you broke up with him. He deserves to be happy. If you were in his shoes you'd understand how it would feel.
Crazy.S Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 the ball is in your court. you ended the relationship so try to imagine how he feels. if you want him back save him the trouble and get him back. im not sure about his maturity, but it seems like hes either trying to move on. so if you dont see him in you life anymore give him his space and let him heal
9Lives Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Very possibly he was on the receiving end of wishy washy behavior from an ex after a breakup and realizes how painful it can be when the dumper strings along the ex for validation. You can't have it both ways. If you wanted to end it, then it would be kinder for you not to be selfish and not need him to want you back so you can move about the business of getting over it while he suffers. He needs to move on since you broke up with him. He deserves to be happy. If you were in his shoes you'd understand how it would feel. yeah this makes sense. You are being wishy washy....that drives people crazy. You are confused cause you are doubting yourself. He is going with the flow. He dont owe you anything now. He aint kissng your butt. He will call when he wants and I dont blame him
CaliGuy Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 See, this is why men often scratch their head at their S/Os behavior. You need to decide what you want. In the meantime, he's not going to bank on you making up your mind. In his case, he's going to make up his mind and not wait around for you. Figure out what you want, make a decision and move on it. It's not fair to either of you for you to be wishy-washy. Your indecisiveness is what is pushing him away. Again, figure out what you want and DO it.
Simplycaroline Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 BUBBLEGUM Just because he is not having contact with you does not mean that he is having an easier time getting through this than you. People have different ways of dealing with pain. If you found out tomorrow that he was seeing someone else that is not a sign of forgetting you. I am sure that you will be in his mind for some time regardless of how his life goes.
Author bubblegum Posted October 2, 2008 Author Posted October 2, 2008 First, I never told him I wanted NC. Also, he's out of the country now so I know I won't hear from him while he's away. And I'm surprised that my letting him come over after weeks of not allowing him to come over is considered being wish-washy rather than testing the waters after I've given myself (and him) time to move forward a little.
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