Does anybody have anything nice to say about E-Harmony?

[Shygirl15]

I'm still hung up on this. A blue collar worker can be just as intelligent as a white collar worker. I am blue collar by choice, and am not a dumb person. There is no way I can sit in an office for 8-10 hours a day, it would drive me nuts. I enjoy working with my hands and getting dirty in the process.

 

Hi Poncho, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone. I guess most people tend to associate blue collar types of work with little education? I mean it's rare to find a blue collar worker who is a Harvard graduate, right? But really, my biggest issue is that I might have a hard time introducing my blue collar plumber boyfriend to my circle of friends. That's just the way it is.

 

I appreciate blue collar workers, but I guess I would just prefer to date a white collar at this point.

[JamesM]

There is nothing wrong with deciding a type of person to date, and if it means choosing only white collar workers...that is okay. It may be more than an intellectual thing. It just may be having something in common.

 

When I was single, I always said I preferred a nurse for my future wife. I did not only date nurses. In fact, I really did not make it a requirement. But looking back, the women who I have been most attracted to have been nurses. Why? Maybe it is the level of compassion that they all had. Does this mean that only nurses are compassionate? No, but for me..this was my type.

 

So, if I were to fill out the profile, then I would probably ask for a nurse rather than say... a teacher.

 

And yes, I married a nurse. Been almost twenty years now.

[rod_in_gtown]

Nurses are awesome! my cousin married one and I love her to death.

[Geishawhelk]

It's not about money, I'm looking for a certain intellectual level, which a plumber is unlikely to have. I just need someone I can converse with at the same level.

My cousin is a plumber. He also has a higher-than-average IQ, is a shakespearian actor, has three degrees in Chemistry, History and English literature, runs his own company, has three cars (two of them restored vintage) and a house worth quarter of a million, with a holiday villa in Sardinia.

He's also married.

 

bad luck!

 

I think you might have some pre-conceived ideas about people that might need addressing. My cousin would be somewhat offended by your generalisation, as am I....and what would we do without these guys and gals....? (one of his apprentices is a woman. A Mother with three young children, fluent in three languages and with a medical degree.)

 

Not everyone who does a manual job of this kind has knuckles that drag along the floor, an overhanging forehead and is challenged by words of more than two syllables......

[JamesM]

Nurses are awesome! my cousin married one and I love her to death.

 

Okay, I am confused. You love your cousin to death or the wife?

 

And what does he say about this love you have for her?

 

 

G, I understand what you are saying, but I think I understand Shygirl as well. When faced with making criteria for her profile, then she chooses based on generalizations. Just as I make the assumption that most nurses are compassionate based on my experiences, so does Shygirl make assumptions based on her experiences.

[rod_in_gtown]

Okay, I am confused. You love your cousin to death or the wife? And what does he say about this love you have for her?

 

LOL

 

It's a love that dare not speak its name.

 

Love them both to death.

[carhill]

But really, my biggest issue is that I might have a hard time introducing my blue collar plumber boyfriend to my circle of friends. That's just the way it is.

 

Since I'm presuming you're young, you might want to examine why that is. IME, such is a philosophy which spills over into many areas. Life experience will likely change your perspective but you might miss out on some really good men in the meantime.

 

Some people can do anything but choose to do one thing. Your match was a plumber. Good on him for calling his trade what it is, instead of "fancying" it up. Sounds to me like a guy comfortable in his skin.

[Geishawhelk]

G, I understand what you are saying, but I think I understand Shygirl as well. When faced with making criteria for her profile, then she chooses based on generalizations. Just as I make the assumption that most nurses are compassionate based on my experiences, so does Shygirl make assumptions based on her experiences.

 

Yes, I understand too, really. I do see her point, but I guess mine was about not being too hasty to dismiss a certain group or perceived strata of society based on what others might think, or on what our own limited conceptions and perceptions are. 'Limited' because we've crossed them off the list and thus narrowed our field of options....

 

"Perception is often deception". At least, keeping one's options open, there's more of a chance of meeting a wide variety of people and enlargening our social circle. If it's done sensibly and wisely, 'discarding' them as not suitable, is relatively easy. And surely, more sensible and logical to do so AFTER meeting them, than before.....?

[Shygirl15]

No I am not young Carhill, I'm 31yrs.. wise enough to make some decisions. I know this generalization of mine may cause to miss out on some wonderful men, however I have decided to go with what makes me comfortable, because at the end of the day, I will be the one having to deal with him everyday. I'm just trying to balance out some of my preferences in a guy, and looks like it's not working in my favour this time.

 

This morning, among other lousy matches, there was one that really picked up my interest; a lawyer, smart, good looking, good grammar, looks like he's been around the world a bit.. and a 5'5".

 

5'5" people.

 

Okay, at this point, I think may have to re-avaluate my decision on the 6'1" plumber guy..lol

[Geishawhelk]

Tom Cruise is off the list then.....

[Shygirl15]

Tom Cruise is off the list then.....

 

Definitely!

[BoerumHill]

I've had good experiences through e-Harmony, but I do think they're matching system is flawed. I first joined in June 2006...think it was a one month promotion thing for like $29. I let that subscription lapse because I was getting way too many matches, and it was overwhelming. It was like working two jobs trying to keep up.

 

When I rejoined in 2007 ($59 for 3 months), I setup a different profile because I couldn't remember my password from the original account. Yes, I actually spent another xx hours doing those massive questionnaires! Now you would think that if their compatibility matching was valid the results would have been roughly the same with either profile, right? Like if you take the Myers-Briggs type indicator, they say your scores should always be about the same. Well with my second account I got far fewer matches, and didn't really care for the ones they did match me up with.

 

This year I did another 3 month subscription for one month fee, and reactivated the original account by resetting the password. Again, I got more matches than I could handle.

 

I agree with an earlier poster who said eH users tend to be focused more on LTR. At the same time, I have remained friends with several matches who didn't work out, so it's also a great way to meet people IME.

 

BTW - I totally agree with the white collar preference. It's a lot of factors besides socio-economic status; I could never date a bartender or hair stylist who had never broadened her outlook through education or travel. Especially living in an urban area like NYC or D.C., I just could not see it working out. You want to go see a play, the symphony, or a museum, he wants to go bowling or watch the Redskins. I mean come on, it's not rocket science.

[Shygirl15]

Thanks BoerumHills. Funny you got overwhelming matches; in my case, there are days that went by with ZERO matches. I guess people who are looking for people like me do not use eHarmony..lol. I will just sign up with Match once again. It has always worked well for me.

[ABrokenWing]

Totally sucks.

 

I paid my $$$, which is a lot more than what I usually pay for other dating websites, and guess what; I'm totally incompatible with anyone!!

 

Every time I search, I get this:

 

"Our matching system was not able to find any new matches for you right now. However, we are always automatically searching for new matches for you. Several thousand people join eHarmony each day and our matching system evaluates each one of them within 24 hours to see if they are a great match for you".

 

Charming!

 

Since I joined last Thursday, only three lousy matches were sent to me, out of which one person opened communication with me. A PLUMBER. A plumber is in a real PLUMBER.

 

I'm done.

 

 

what's wrong with plumbers? It's not like he said he was a sandwhich artist or something.

[konfuzd]

I haven't been on a dating site in years, and I have never paid any money for them, but hearing everything I have about eHarmony sounds like a very simple business tactic.

 

They give you false hope, so that you will continue to give them your money. If they found a 100% match for you right away, you would never renew, and they don't make more money off you. They don't want you to find Mr./Mrs. Perfect. They want you to find people who are just good enough that you think there may be something better out there, and you want to continue looking for them.

[Rooster_DAR]

I won't subscribe to E-harmony because they are big time spammers. I have a predisposition to not subscribing to mass marketing or political entities. Not only that, the whole premise of 29 dimensions of compatibility is a load of crap, that's just a marketing slogan to draw people in.

 

I want to meet my match the old fashioned way I guess. Someone who is not really looking to meet someone but the both of us just click in all ways.

 

I'll be single for a while I suppose.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I

 

 

 

BTW - I totally agree with the white collar preference. It's a lot of factors besides socio-economic status; I could never date a bartender or hair stylist who had never broadened her outlook through education or travel. Especially living in an urban area like NYC or D.C., I just could not see it working out. You want to go see a play, the symphony, or a museum, he wants to go bowling or watch the Redskins. I mean come on, it's not rocket science.

 

I have to say, I know a lot of bartenders here in DC and most of them are not only well educated but they have a very broad knowledge of many different subjects. Most people I know here are very well travelled, including bartenders and definitely my hairstylist. I think you are really selling these people short.

[Cannondale]

No I am not young Carhill, I'm 31yrs.. wise enough to make some decisions. I know this generalization of mine may cause to miss out on some wonderful men, however I have decided to go with what makes me comfortable, because at the end of the day, I will be the one having to deal with him everyday. I'm just trying to balance out some of my preferences in a guy, and looks like it's not working in my favour this time.

 

This morning, among other lousy matches, there was one that really picked up my interest; a lawyer, smart, good looking, good grammar, looks like he's been around the world a bit.. and a 5'5".

 

5'5" people.

 

Okay, at this point, I think may have to re-avaluate my decision on the 6'1" plumber guy..lol

 

Well how tall are you? I can see it if your 6ft yourself, but to write someone off just because they're not as tall as you would like I think is super shallow. I've never understood why girls who are around 5' tall demand that they be with amazons. No offense, just gets annoying, I'm a short male myself.

[Shygirl15]

Well how tall are you? I can see it if your 6ft yourself, but to write someone off just because they're not as tall as you would like I think is super shallow. I've never understood why girls who are around 5' tall demand that they be with amazons. No offense, just gets annoying, I'm a short male myself.

 

Hi there!

 

Look, I'm 5'7", and I just like my guys taller than me; it's just what makes me comfortable that's all. I can't picture myself bending down to kiss my short boyfriend, now that would be an awkward scene, wouldn't it? Do you date women taller than you are??

[Shygirl15]

I won't subscribe to E-harmony because they are big time spammers. I have a predisposition to not subscribing to mass marketing or political entities. Not only that, the whole premise of 29 dimensions of compatibility is a load of crap, that's just a marketing slogan to draw people in.

 

Sad I happened to be one of those people. They have officially stopped sending me any matches anymore . $60 per month well spent!

[Jilly Bean]

While I like their whole premise of the matching system - that values matter (which they do), I think they disregard the physical entirely, and that is a big part of the relationship equation.

 

Granted, a lot of the trollish-looking guys I have been matched with I may have warmed up to in person if I say, worked with them for months and they had a killer personality, but in looking at picture of someone who is grossly overweight, but supposedly matches my personality, er, no.

 

Call me shallow. (Hey, Shallow!).

 

One of my biggest qualifiers is ignored entirely on the site, that being fitness. This is such an engrained part of my lifestyle, and definitely a core value, but eharmony doesn't consider health to be a vital issue - lol. I could never respect a guy who doesn't live a fit lifestyle. Hence why most of my matches have been pretty chubby...

[carhill]

I know this generalization of mine may cause to miss out on some wonderful men, however I have decided to go with what makes me comfortable, because at the end of the day, I will be the one having to deal with him everyday.

 

As long as you feel positive about that reality, it is your path. The next time such a decision comes to you, I'll invite you to examine it and yourself at that time. It is an interesting process, in the moment, examining the impetuses for decisions

 

Probably one of the most important lessons I've learned in the 20 or so years since I was your age was how to discern and value people for who they are rather than how the appear superficially (physicality, job, income, race, culture). IOW, I can greatly value someone who "appears" to be very different from myself for the core of who they are. The challenge is to get to that place, to find them in that way.

 

When you posted this thread, I was practicing just that, traveling around the country for a day and experiencing the diversity of people. I call it mileage running Maybe you should try meeting people that way instead of on a dating site. I've met many potentials in my travels but being married precludes any furthering of those potentials. You have no such limitations

 

As a point of reference (since we're talking about jobs here), I'm a machinist and my wife is a hair stylist

[rod_in_gtown]

How hypocritical. I was chastized by you no less for suggesting that dating someone outside my metro area was "unwilling to work at a relationship", yet you're unwilling to "work" with a great guy because he might be blue collar or shorter than you.

[rod_in_gtown]

Call me shallow. (Hey, Shallow!).

 

One of my biggest qualifiers is ignored entirely on the site, that being fitness. This is such an engrained part of my lifestyle, and definitely a core value, but eharmony doesn't consider health to be a vital issue - lol. I could never respect a guy who doesn't live a fit lifestyle. Hence why most of my matches have been pretty chubby...

 

"Hey! shallow!" (you crack me up)

 

I agree on the fitness aspect. I consider myself to lead a pretty active lifestyle, I play tennis almost every day and am very conscious of what I eat, but I'm not a "thin" guy. I do not have a gut nor washboard abs, but there are thinner guys out there. I want to date someone who enjoys being outdoors just as much as I do. eHarmony seems to be geared more toward core "emotional" values and it misses out on something VERY important.

 

Physical activity is key in maintaining a good mood and beating depression and stress. Whenever I'm not active for more than a week, I get sad and start feeling sluggish and depressed. I think if more people realized these, they would find that most of the times when they're second-guessing their relationships, they're actually just starving for physical activity.

[Shygirl15]

How hypocritical. I was chastized by you no less for suggesting that dating someone outside my metro area was "unwilling to work at a relationship", yet you're unwilling to "work" with a great guy because he might be blue collar or shorter than you.

 

Now Rod, yours was clearly a bit unrealistic. People's locations can change, but how can I change somebody's height? Mmh?