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Polyamorous relationships....anyone practice this?

nowhereman82

By nowhereman82
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

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nowhereman82 Established Member

nowhereman82

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Honestly this was the best subforum that I could figure to post under.

 

If you are ignorant of what a polyamorous relationship is about...I'd REALLY prefer if you did not troll or talk down upon it as that is not what I am looking for and it will side track the conversation.

 

Thanks in advance :)

 

So I've recently become a lover and a friend to a woman that is polyamorous and has a primary partner. This is a first for me...and frankly the idea didn't scare me or anything. In fact I found it kind of refreshing and have since then been doing a lot of reading on the subject.

 

So thats the background on my question to come.

 

What got you into polyamorous relationships at first?

 

What's been your experience with people new to it being brought into the relationship?

 

How long have you been involved with your partners?

 

What caused you to be removed from a poly relationship...or what made you remove a partner from your primary relationship?

 

I'm sure I will have plenty of more questions if this conversation progresses.

 

AGAIN I STRESS, if you are ignorant on this topic, are biased, want to troll, or are not being constructive....DO NOT respond to this post!

 

Love you all ;)

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

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AGAIN I STRESS, if you are ignorant on this topic, are biased, want to troll, or are not being constructive....DO NOT respond to this post!

You're going to find that you don't really get to dictate who does or doesn't post in your thread ;) ...

 

I was a FWB to someone that was involved in a serious long-distance relationship. While fun for a short period of time, it quickly became emotionally confusing. YMMV,

 

Mr. Lucky

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nowhereman82 Established Member

nowhereman82

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Well I can always try lol, might stop some people from thread jacking.

 

For other peoples reference. A friend with benefits does not count as a polyamorous relationship as it's more about loving multiple people...the sex just eventually comes a long with it.

Sks Established Member

Sks

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You can't love multiple people equally and one will always take a back seat to another.

 

People always have and always will view their partners as belonging to them, I know I do.

 

Why would I have any interest in sharing what I own with anyone else?

angie2443 Established Member

angie2443

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I've never been in a polyamnorous relationship myself, but have known others who have. They all seem to be involved in these relationships because they don't want to limit themselves to just one partner. I think the one thing you should be aware of is that emotions can play a tricky part in these relationships. If you have any bounderies that you wouldn't want your partner to cross, you need to be upfront and honest about what those are and also realize that they might be crossed anyways because of the emotional aspect. The same thing gos for your partners bounderies. It is important to know what those are. Good luck.

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nowhereman82 Established Member

nowhereman82

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You can't love multiple people equally and one will always take a back seat to another.

 

People always have and always will view their partners as belonging to them, I know I do.

 

Why would I have any interest in sharing what I own with anyone else?

 

 

People with that type of mentality can't honestly live the lifestyle as you do not "own" another human being. But monogamy gives the mentality of ownership.

 

Insecurities make people want to "own" others so their chances of facing those insecurities are lowered.

manugeorge Established Member

manugeorge

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I agree with Angie, human emotions are too complex to be readily accepting of polyamorous relationships. There are a select few people who are in such control of their emotions to lead this lifestyle but I don't think majority of us can handle it.

 

I don't even think it's wrong or right, I just know I'm a jealous woman and I absolutely cannot share a man. Perhaps the novelty of it may at first be amusing but I can see it getting old very quickly.

 

But that doesn't answer your question now does it:D

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

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have never been involved in that kind of lifestyle, but my best friend's former girlfriend was pretty heavy into that scene last time she and I caught up. I know that when she was dating best friend in college, they had a very tortured relationship because he was/is a one-woman kind of man and she was into outside relationships. They split up, she married the brother of one of my co-workers and was sleeping around on him. They divorced, she met her current husband in the Army and they've settled into the polyamory lifestyle.

 

in a way, she said it's ideal because the partners change, but the bxtch of it is that she's basically a jealous person, so it's been hard to juggle the emotional part of it. And it's been hard to accept the end of a given relationship when one person out of the four doesn't want to be in the quad anymore.

 

while the idea of easily available sex can be appealing about PA, there's much more to it than just boinking because of the numerous feelings involved ...

Sks Established Member

Sks

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People with that type of mentality can't honestly live the lifestyle as you do not "own" another human being. But monogamy gives the mentality of ownership.

 

Insecurities make people want to "own" others so their chances of facing those insecurities are lowered.

 

It does not change the fact that what I said is the truth, people have always been and always will be possessive.

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nowhereman82 Established Member

nowhereman82

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Jealousy relates to insecurities....which can be in a mono or poly relationship....so I imagine being and to discuss the issue in either scenario is the same hardship.

 

Mono relationships have all kinds of jealousies and insecurities...I read about it every day on this forum...so what's the inherent difference...other than there is a 3rd party or more to work with?

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

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We tried the poly thing. It worked for a while, until it didn't anymore. Then we split up for three years, and are now back together with no plans to go 'there' again.

 

There is only one way that a poly relationship will work: both partners have to be 100% in agreement 100% of the time, and very, very clear about boundaries, etc. The second that it dips below 100%, the ticker starts on the implosion of the relationship.

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nowhereman82 Established Member

nowhereman82

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How long did you do the poly lifestyle? And what ruined it for you if you don't mind sharing.

 

The girl I am seeing has been involved for 3 years with her primary and was able to drop her GF (she's bi) when the GF crossed the boundaries (wanted the same treatment as the primary) so that seems healthy on her end, from what I can tell....but only time will truly tell.

 

Has anyone been a secondary in a poly relationship?

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