steve9417 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Hi would appreciate some advice on NC .... Quick summary Me and ex split late December – late April we exchanged mails we were missing one another and I asked if we could meet to talk about it (and of course possible get back together)she did not want to meet with me then as she was too protective but finally we did need 2 months lateri told her i still loved her and wanted to get back by exploring where we went wrong and hopefully having a much stronger relationship talking (we ended without properly talking - naive at the time I suppose) I called it off at that time but she understood the relationship was not working in its current form due to how we were both treating one anothershe's gone through a lot of pain over us ending and frightened of falling in love with me (her words)she was with a new guy when we finally met and was about to move in with him .... that was until we met - she has for the past 2 months been indecisive over what to do – him/me and in the end moved into a flat on her own though she works with this new guy and no doubt continue to spend a lot of time togetheri've offered her love / support and commitment - i've been seeing a counsellor to support me during all this and she as wellshe finally started being disrespectful to me and essentially made a decision to stay with this new guy - i've gone through a lot of pain and loss but had started to get over the worst of it via NCits now been 3 weeks since then and she's emailed me twice and called me another 3 times (i ignored her mails and 1 of the calls) - this is all after she told me it was over - when i did allow her to talk with me she told me she's not with anyone and getting her own place .... she told me she's still in love with me and can't stop thinking about me - she also said she wants to meet as 2 adults and see if we can work things outthat was 5 days ago and I’ve had no more from her - i was getting on ok with NC and now I'm struggling - i still love the girl and always wanted to talk properly about a more secure loving relationshipI’ll not entertain talking with her again unless she'serious about us and not prepared to use defences such as another man or being frightened of falling in love with me ……… at the moment I still have feelings for her and have firm protective boundaries regarding game playing and defences – she either wants to meet under my terms (as last paragraph) or its over ..... I’m been really hurt by all this (great learning process for me of course and helps me in my next relationship whether with or without her) and know that NC is secure for me to help me through this ……… I’m interested in thoughts on what to do when she makes contact again …… which she will …… which ain’t great for me thinking like that as it loses some of my strength
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