Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I just don't think I could trust my first intuitions, anyway. I don't have good intuition. I don't either, but that doesn't stop me following my gut instinct. It requires limit thought and for a guy, that's a major bonus point.
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I feel like I'm getting two conflicting, even diametrically different kinds of advice here: 1) Work on myself, even change myself a bit in certain ways 2) Do nothing but keep busy Very confusing.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I feel like I'm getting two conflicting, even diametrically different kinds of advice here: 1) Work on myself, even change myself a bit in certain ways 2) Do nothing but keep busy Very confusing. What's conflicting? You can work on yourself, change yourself, keep busy doing the things you like whilst ensuring you are not obsessing over finding a partner and enjoy your singleton life. Positivity and negativity show and it's the difference between being approached and not being approached.
Author Isolde Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Another thing is that I've had a lot of crushes on guys in the past, all of which ended in disappointment. It's kind of hard to start from a clean sllate when I keep envisioning my dream guy as one of them. Alright, that's all for tonight: As I said, I am a busy person.
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Stop placing so much pressure on yourself and the guy by thinking of them as your "dream guy" that is where you are going wrong and is where the disappointment stems from.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Stop placing so much pressure on yourself and the guy by thinking of them as your "dream guy" that is where you are going wrong and is where the disappointment stems from. I agree vehemently with this statement. Dream guy, Knight in Shining armor, all big mistakes if that's what your looking for. The best thing IMO to do is be yourself, be comfortable with yourself, and don't be in a rush to find someone. The right person will come along at the most unsuspecting time, I suspect. Cheers!
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 The answer is they are looking for a man who values her for more than just her looks. They aren't settling. They want the butterflies, they want the full-on love. That's fine, but then why are they moaning on here about how tough the single life is and how lonely they are unhappy they are etc?
Krajt Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 Haven't you read Isolde's posts, she sounds unhappy! and is basically whinging about how she can't meet people.
Author Isolde Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 How is this whining? I've never had a bf and I'm simply trying to find some root things that are going on. Sorry.
Author Isolde Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 That's fine, but then why are they moaning on here about how tough the single life is and how lonely they are unhappy they are etc? Fair enough. I should be more positive I guess.
Green Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 holy crap Isolde really is hot hmmmmm we need to send her an angel right now
Atalanta Posted September 24, 2008 Posted September 24, 2008 What do you mean by "level?" As in, be even gosh darn pickier than I already am? Wrong venues, maybe... it's hard to meet guys at grad school though and family friends, I have none in my area and no hope of a blind date as I just moved here and have no friends to set me up... still working on meeting people in general which incidentally I am not overly great at. LOL sorry but from some of your other posts I got the impression that maybe you went on a date with whoever asked. I agree with the poster upthread who said you should go for guys you have chemistry with. Another thing - since you're new in town perhaps you should focus on developing your social life before you even worry about dating. Create a solid network and go from there; before you know it you'll meet plenty of guys!
Author Isolde Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 LOL sorry but from some of your other posts I got the impression that maybe you went on a date with whoever asked. I agree with the poster upthread who said you should go for guys you have chemistry with. Another thing - since you're new in town perhaps you should focus on developing your social life before you even worry about dating. Create a solid network and go from there; before you know it you'll meet plenty of guys! Yeah, this is what I'm trying to do. Okay, it might be true that I go on dates with people where I'm unsure if we have chemistry, but isn't that the point of going on dates? It's to get to know the person. Besides, if I waited to get dinner with some dude till I was sure of a click... I'd not be dating at all. Sigh. This is all so stupid and frustrating; I need to try to branch out and not think about dating for a while. I don't understand how this stuff even halfway works out for anyone. KMT fly over here please
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I'd much rather fly girls out to where I am...
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 You probably live in my area any ways. And no I would never reject you and from what I've read you've really only been rejected like once or twice in your life so I'm not about to be the third guy and add fuel to your attractive single girl threads
Author Isolde Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 You probably live in my area any ways. And no I would never reject you and from what I've read you've really only been rejected like once or twice in your life so I'm not about to be the third guy and add fuel to your attractive single girl threads WRONG I've been rejected twice in 2008 alone :( I've been assuming that every guy will reject me kinda like by default But it is what it is... sorry for complaining so much in these threads everyone... I'm ending them until I get more "fuel" so to speak.
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 WRONG I've been rejected twice in 2008 alone :( hmm you were at 69 posts when I read that. Well I've been rejected countless numbers of times in 2008 but also been accepted more times too... so hmmm its different for girls its hard for me to give advice. I really enjoy giving advice to the guys in your position and truth be told they have it alot harder then you. Even before I saw your picture I knew you were hot from being 24 and not fat. Now that I see your picture your super hott so really I blame you even harsher then I blame the guys in your situation. I'm not even sure how you got rejected maybe you imagined it
Author Isolde Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 hmm you were at 69 posts when I read that. Well I've been rejected countless numbers of times in 2008 but also been accepted more times too... so hmmm its different for girls its hard for me to give advice. I really enjoy giving advice to the guys in your position and truth be told they have it alot harder then you. Even before I saw your picture I knew you were hot from being 24 and not fat. Now that I see your picture your super hott so really I blame you even harsher then I blame the guys in your situation. I'm not even sure how you got rejected maybe you imagined it I'm 22 not 24. Well one of the guys said, "I don't think there's chemistry between us" blah blah The other guy just ignored me after the second date but that situation was way more complex and I don't want to get into it because I'm still not really over it
Green Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Well, I'm 22. So the consensus in this thread seems to be that I'm to blame. Well one of the guys said, "I don't think there's chemistry between us" blah blah The other guy just ignored me after the second date but that situation was way more complex and I don't want to get into it because I'm still not really over it I've even tried online but often I don't get responses actually hmmm well come too FL. Your really hot I'm sure some lucky jerk is going to get you before much longer. Are you going to be a good gf or are you goin to drive the guy crazy... well your hot enough to put up with some crap so it doesnt matter if you drive em crazy anyways
D-Jam Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I agree with this answer: The other option is that maybe some of the women you think are really nice, are not that nice in rels. Or that maybe all these serially single women are all going for the same types of guys, guys that can have their pick so they rule themselves out of being with someone because they all compete for the same types. I've known a lot of very physically attractive women in my life who claim to be nice...but they all have a myriad of guy troubles. Here's my observations on most of them. Some of these women believe they are nice, good, women who can offer a lot to a man, but they really overvalue themselves. They see maybe some things that should be required for a good mate, but have some other bigger red flags that overshadow them. A lot of these women also believe they're nice because they'll be nice to men they find attractive, but lie to and play games with men they aren't attracted to, believing it's all justified because said unattractive guy isn't of value to her. Doesn't make you a nice person then.Many of these women believe they're nice, but they only have eyes for douchebags, bad boys, and jerks. They keep believing that one day they'll find the mythical bad boy who wants to commit and be wonderful to a woman. Being a nice woman only means that you might be easy and naive to the bad people who maybe just want sex. It's not an instant ticket to a hot, exciting, wonderful committing man.I also see a lot of these very attractive supposedly nice women "price themselves out of the market". They're seeking such a high calibur of male in terms of physical, financial, intelligence, and personality that there really isn't a guy who will fulfill her insanely high standards. Seen a lot of aspiring models and such chronically single because it seem no man is ever good enough in their eyes.There are also a plethora of attractive nice girls who really isolate their lives to a degree that men can't easily meet them. They work, go home, walk around town with sunglasses and iPod on, go out and hide in their cliques of friends, or stay home on weekends. They don't make eye contact with men in stores and such, then later complain how men won't talk to them. Do guys dislike nice women? Depends on the guy. If a guy just wants to get laid, then a nice girl isn't for him. He'll see her as clingy and wanting love when he just wants a lay. Plus if she's doormat nice, it's not attractive. So baking him cookies for the first date isn't going to win points, but more make men believe she's a bit strange. Many guys do like nice good women, but it doesn't exclude said women from having the rest of the package. If she's got loads of drama in her life, or no job, or kids and a psycho ex...then it don't matter how nice she is...she's got red flags. If she's utterly boring and has no interests or opinions, then being nice won't help. If she's chopping her hair short and dressing more like a guy...meaning she won't doll herself up like a lady for a date, then that won't help...even if she's nice. It's the same deal with men. We have to be attractive, interesting, confident, lives in order, and good to women. We expect the same for women. Frankly, if nice women seem to get rejected a lot, then try dating those nice guy friends you might not be initially attracted to. All I know is that I see more truly nice guys end up becoming the good husbands while the bad boys end up becoming divorce statistics. Biggest issue I've seen with very attractive women though is that they set the standards unrealistically high, and believe they deserve them because they're "hot". When I see them single for what seems years, then it shows me they're their own worst enemy.
RecordProducer Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I've noticed that there are a surprising number of really nice, "successful" but not power hungry, pretty girls who face constant rejection from guys they like. Can you explain this? The woman is supposed to run. Always. ALWAYS!
Author Isolde Posted September 25, 2008 Author Posted September 25, 2008 Can you explain this? The woman is supposed to run. Always. ALWAYS! Are you being sarcastic?
RecordProducer Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Are you being sarcastic? Sorry, I should have written more. It's the game of love that decides who gets what, from the first encounter until the end of the relationship. A woman should always be interesting, untouchable. When a woman gets all dressed up and made up and goes to a night club with her girlfriends, she sends the message "I am single, you can have me." This is just an example. But why do you think most encounters made at night clubs end up as one-night stands? Most relationships start at work, where people don't come to look for love. Men want what they (think) they can't have. Good looks and all other qualities are not a deal maker. They are just the grounds. Unfortunately, faking that you're untouchable is more interesting for men than being wise, witty, and good-hearted. P.S. You look beautiful in your avatar.
ianandris Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 ... Men want what they (think) they can't have. Good looks and all other qualities are not a deal maker. They are just the grounds. Unfortunately, faking that you're untouchable is more interesting for men than being wise, witty, and good-hearted. I couldn't disagree more. That principle, in my experience, applies FAR more to women than to men. It's true that men want a challenge, but when women play that "untouchable" game, it does little more than irritate them. I don't want a woman to make me work for her attentions, just like I wouldn't have a woman work for mine. Playing that game is a very quick route to getting your ass unceremoniously dropped. I'd MUCH, MUCH, MUCH rather date a girl who is wise, witty, and good-hearted than one who just strings you along, playing aloof and disinterested, trying her best to keep you on the hook. I don't have patience for that bull****, and I know a lot of other people who don't either. There is something to be said for not giving yourself away too soon, however. Being careful.
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