Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Yeah, the other one that gets me is, "Its always in the last place you look." Gee, really? Of course it is in the last place you look, because what moron would keep looking for something he'd already found! That one makes complete sense to me. It seems to rain men when I'm not looking for anyone, especially when I'm in a relationship-averse mood. It just happens out of the blue.
Atalanta Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Wow, I could have written this post myself right down to your age. All I can offer is what's been stated: women with a lot going for them should seek their level. Self-confidence is key. Also, maybe change up your venue a bit. Could it be that you tend to find men from the wrong venues (myspace, bars, etc versus family friends or clubs)?
Green Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Balthazar: I'm beginning to wonder if your theory might be true. Is it possible that some of the pretty girls I'm talking about might not be attractive to men because pretty and attractive are two different things... hmm, yeah, that makes sense. You're rather attractive for a beautiful girl with a great body.
karie5744 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 (I'm not really talking about myself, though I guess I would be considered attractive by many (certainly not all) guys). I've noticed that there are a surprising number of really nice, "successful" but not power hungry, pretty girls who face constant rejection from guys they like. What I've noticed these girls have in common is that they're all kind, considerate of others, and attractive without having to be "hot" and "sexy" and the center of attention. I can name 2 off the top of my head who fit these criteria: an old school friend of mine and a college friend of my sister's. As well as of course many girls on this board. All serially single but not crazy prudes. In fact many of them love sexual relationships. They just don't want to date the first guy that likes them. Judging by what guys say they want, these girls should be popular with men. But they're not. Is it possible that the "nice guy" syndrome applies to women also? Is because I was YOUNG when I got married & I got HURT at a young age... and now after living 19 years by myself and just a date here and there... I don't want to be in a controlling mans life and it is all I have attracted, I have NO idea HOW to change it.. to find the near complete opposite male... I think I wear a sign on my head says USE ME, BEAT ME Treat Me Unfair.... I TRY to find good men.. but I'm tired of trying... I go tgo dating sites online and MANY men reply... but I just look at them & I see faults.. which is BAD... I KNOW.. but like I said I just do not know HOW to correct myself.. k
stillafool Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Yeah, but I have a hard time feeling that dates are fun b/c I haven't learned to deal with lack of chemistry or rejection. To me, those situations are just depressing, sad and leave me feeling helpless and like no one cares. I don't mean to sound like a drama queen, but that's just the way I feel. Next time do yourself a favor. Don't go on a date with a guy until you feel chemistry. Don't stress over why other girls do "this and that" or have "this and that" or you will always feel inferior. Just be true to yourself and give your attention to guys who have a geniune interest in you. As far as guys liking the "bad girl" and why; it's simple because they view her as a challenge and know she doesn't give her heart easily. The same reason women like the "bad boy". I always find it interesting that people want to be like them (bad boys and bad girls) when most of them aren't even aware that they are catagorized as such. They are just being themselves and I would suggest everyone else do the same.
ianandris Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Next time do yourself a favor. Don't go on a date with a guy until you feel chemistry. Don't stress over why other girls do "this and that" or have "this and that" or you will always feel inferior. Just be true to yourself and give your attention to guys who have a geniune interest in you. As far as guys liking the "bad girl" and why; it's simple because they view her as a challenge and know she doesn't give her heart easily. The same reason women like the "bad boy". I always find it interesting that people want to be like them (bad boys and bad girls) when most of them aren't even aware that they are catagorized as such. They are just being themselves and I would suggest everyone else do the same. I agree on the whole, disagree with one particular: Chemistry isn't the only thing in the world, so don't wait for it. While chemistry is great, sometimes it takes time for it to develop. My last GF wasn't easy and conversational with me until the third date. Hands down, though, just being yourself is the best thing you can do. Who else can you be? However, I think the problem is that some people are more predisposed to attract people than others. Does that mean that those who aren't predisposed should just wait around for it to happen? I don't think so. If you aren't getting a desired result, do things differently until you get the result you want. Make the right choices often enough, and eventually you'll become what you want to be. Being "bad" when you're "nice" isn't the same as figuring out why "bad" people are attractive to others and emulating them in those areas. I know plenty of "nice" people who have just as much or more success than the "bad" folks with women/men. I've found the common thread is healthy self-esteem, a lack of pussyfooting around, and a bedrock of self-confidence. Everything else seems to be superfluous.
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 What age group are you referring to? I know attractive girls who are single by choice. Because they don't want to be in a relationship. And those girls happen to be in their early-mid 20's. I'm really talking about twentysomething girls because there's still a sizable minority that have either never been in relationships (this without being freakishly hideous) or haven't been in one for several years. When you get to the thirties, this becomes much rarer and honestly quite a different problem. This thread is about INVOLUNTARILY SINGLE AND CELIBATE WOMEN WHO ARE SEXY TO AT LEAST SOME MEN!!!
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Wow, I could have written this post myself right down to your age. All I can offer is what's been stated: women with a lot going for them should seek their level. Self-confidence is key. Also, maybe change up your venue a bit. Could it be that you tend to find men from the wrong venues (myspace, bars, etc versus family friends or clubs)? What do you mean by "level?" As in, be even gosh darn pickier than I already am? Wrong venues, maybe... it's hard to meet guys at grad school though and family friends, I have none in my area and no hope of a blind date as I just moved here and have no friends to set me up... still working on meeting people in general which incidentally I am not overly great at.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I hate the way people blame anyone and everything bar themselves when it comes to them not being able to find someone. It seems the world is full of mini Morrissey's and Stephen Fry's!
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 However, I think the problem is that some people are more predisposed to attract people than others. Does that mean that those who aren't predisposed should just wait around for it to happen? I don't think so. If you aren't getting a desired result, do things differently until you get the result you want. Yes, you put it well, but I'm not sure self-confidence is enough to produce this result, unless... unless I become so picky that I don't date anyone until I meet the right person, which could be years and years.
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I hate the way people blame anyone and everything bar themselves when it comes to them not being able to find someone. It seems the world is full of mini Morrissey's and Stephen Fry's! I'm fully willing to blame myself, Krajt; I already admitted that my self esteem could be better and maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. Not sure what else you want to hear ^^ I don't think I'm a psycho or an undateable person.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Yes, you put it well, but I'm not sure self-confidence is enough to produce this result, unless... unless I become so picky that I don't date anyone until I meet the right person, which could be years and years. I might never happen!
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 I might never happen! Krajt, I know I could die tomorrow... please don't add negativity to what has been a thoughtful and intelligent thread. Thank you.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I'm fully willing to blame myself, Krajt; I already admitted that my self esteem could be better and maybe I'm looking in the wrong places. Not sure what else you want to hear ^^ I don't think I'm a psycho or an undateable person. It's very hard to become undateable, you just haven't met the right person and maybe you are going wrong by placing too much of an emphasis on finding a partner. I found the girl I dreamt about in my sleep and day dreamed about when I least expected to. I was so wrapped in other aspects of my life that I did not see it forthcoming. I learnt to see singleton life in a positive and optimistic light and filled my voids with activities and she came, saw and conquered me and now I am her's. Food for thought perhaps?
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 What I meant to add, also, in respond to ianandris' last post is that I feel people haven't been giving me enough chances to get to know me... I know that also falls under the category of blaming others but I thought it was worth mentioning.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Krajt, I know I could die tomorrow... please don't add negativity to what has been a thoughtful and intelligent thread. Thank you. Sorry! I wanted to make sure you had covered all the bases!
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 It's very hard to become undateable, you just haven't met the right person and maybe you are going wrong by placing too much of an emphasis on finding a partner. I found the girl I dreamt about in my sleep and day dreamed about when I least expected to. I was so wrapped in other aspects of my life that I did not see it forthcoming. I learnt to see singleton life in a positive and optimistic light and filled my voids with activities and she came, saw and conquered me and now I am her's. Food for thought perhaps? I'm a very busy person, if you're implying that I sit around waiting for some Lancelot to come get me, you're wrong. This thread is more about dating more, not about finding my True Love.
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 It's very hard to become undateable, you just haven't met the right person and maybe you are going wrong by placing too much of an emphasis on finding a partner. I found the girl I dreamt about in my sleep and day dreamed about when I least expected to. I was so wrapped in other aspects of my life that I did not see it forthcoming. I learnt to see singleton life in a positive and optimistic light and filled my voids with activities and she came, saw and conquered me and now I am her's. Food for thought perhaps? But even when this happened, I'm sure it didn't just go "POOF!" You have to talk to people, you have to make the effort, you have to let go of past hurts and give your all... that is what this post is about.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I'm a very busy person, if you're implying that I sit around waiting for some Lancelot to come get me, you're wrong. This thread is more about dating more, not about finding my True Love. My girlfriend is not my true love, I don't know what love is yet! I never implied anything, so pipe down, please! Dating is easy, there's lots of methods you can explore to help you date more. Have you considered these?
Trialbyfire Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 So Isolde, you want to play the numbers game, is that it? If so, why not try online dating sites?
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 My girlfriend is not my true love, I don't know what love is yet! I never implied anything, so pipe down, please! Dating is easy, there's lots of methods you can explore to help you date more. Have you considered these? I could use tips... I hate online dating (it's mostly for 40-year olds with 10 kids), I don't have time to play 100000 sports and I have no one to set me up.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 But even when this happened, I'm sure it didn't just go "POOF!" You have to talk to people, you have to make the effort, you have to let go of past hurts and give your all... that is what this post is about. Well it did happen, I met her in Jan and knew she was right for me from the first time I saw and spoke to her. Unfortunately I had no chance of being with her then as she had a boyfriend, so I was disappointed, but moved on always keeping her at the back of my mind until seven months later when we got together, dated for a few weeks and are now in a relationship. You do have to do those things, but you also have to be patient and not give off vibes of a negative and angry kind!
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 So Isolde, you want to play the numbers game, is that it? If so, why not try online dating sites? That's a good idea, Match.com is very good from what my crazy Aunt tells me and speed dating is another avenue you can explore.
Author Isolde Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Well it did happen, I met her in Jan and knew she was right for me from the first time I saw and spoke to her. Unfortunately I had no chance of being with her then as she had a boyfriend, so I was disappointed, but moved on always keeping her at the back of my mind until seven months later when we got together, dated for a few weeks and are now in a relationship. You do have to do those things, but you also have to be patient and not give off vibes of a negative and angry kind! Instant chemistry, huh? I always hear about it, never experienced it, came close once or twice but... nah. I just don't think I could trust my first intuitions, anyway. I don't have good intuition.
Krajt Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Instant chemistry, huh? I always hear about it, never experienced it, came close once or twice but... nah. That was the first time I've felt like that. It doesn't happen, so I am savouring it. You will find it too, I was in the same boat as you not too long ago! I thought I was going to always be alone and in truth I learnt to accept it and once I did I actually saw the positives more clearly, ergo single or in a relationship, it doesn't matter to me as long as I am happy and suffer from overwhelmingly fantastic well-being, then I shall survive nicely!
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