Al_Bundy Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I agree with the others and only want to add that there are ways to have sexual pleasure that don't involve infidelity. Maybe your husband would be willing to experiment with some of these? Have you asked him? Here is a question I'd love for the OP to answer, if the roles were reversed, and sex wasn't easy or possible because she found herself with an illness that is not her fault, how would she feel if her husband was off having sex with other women and using her condition as an excuse assuming he was able?
Al_Bundy Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Well, bentnotbroken, my H has already dismissed the life we have by totally ignoring Dr recommendations. So by you cheating he is getting what he deserves then right? Excuses are a dime a dozen.
couchmonkey Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I'm very surprised by most of the responses I've received. I'd hardly call this place the love shack. Seems to be more the vicious condemnation hovel. LOL! The same could be said of your home and marriage.
JamesM Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I actually understand you and why you did what you did. Seriously, I do. I am in the opposite side of a relationship where the wife does not enjoy sex, but as far as I know, there is no medical reason. While I can understand why you did what you did, I have not crossed that line yet because I don't want to hurt my wife...and because (thankfully) there is nobody to be the OW. Oh, and one other reason...my boss is a man! I think the important thing now is to stand back and see where this is going. You said the ideal relationship is where you could have both men. Realistically, I doubt you see this happening. And you started out by saying that you missed only one sexual connection...intercourse, yet the connection that you feel with your boss is "love." So, these two men are in competition for you. If it was simply that tis was a single guy who was you f*ckbuddy with no emotional connection, then I could agree that you are in the relationship for sex. But this does not appear to be the case. Here is another thing. This man is cheating on his wife of 20 years. So we have two people who find some need being fulfilled with an affair. Why does he not love and cherish his wife? What is he missing? Has he made any indication that he would leave his wife who is "stunning?" And you mentioned that he was the only man you found "remotely" attractive. Was the fact that HE is attracted to you the main reason that you connected with him? If he had never made that first move, would you have made the move? Have you ever fantasized about him prior to the first actual kiss? I think IMO what we have here is a fantasy being played out. It will not be reality when the clouds of romance lift. I am curious what his feelings are. Is he in it for an affair or for long term? I know he said he has been attracted to you for all of the years he has hired you, but why has he acted on it now? What is wrong with his marriage? And lastly, you mentioned it briefly. You both have your jobs to think about. This is a huge deal. This "perfect boss" is abusing his position. Men in positions of power are more attractive to many women. If he was the janitor or your coworker, then I would not say that this is part of the equation. But when he is the boss, then it is. He will probably keep his job, but you will lose yours. Sadly, I doubt he will keep up the relationship if you leave the company...at least not for long. Oh, I have a lot of sympathy for your husband. He is in a position where he is impotent in so many ways. Many men whose wives have affairs can at least work on the reason the affair happened. Your husband cannot. He is medically incapable of having better sex with you. This will be so incredibly frustrating and humiliating to him that I doubt your marriage will survive. It may stay intact, but it will never really be there anymore. The ending I see to this story does not appear to be a happy one based on what I have seen others go through, and what I have gone through when having relationships with coworkers or subordinates. When it all comes down to it, if you do not end this affair, I think that you will lose BOTH men.
Author creamyfrench Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 JamesM, thank you for saying what you had to say without branding me as somebody who should be stoned. A lot has happened since I first (and regretfully) posted this thread. I have told my husband and the OM knows I did. All I have to say is that my marriage is as strong as ever. We are in love just as much as we ever were and we hope the OM, a good man in his own right, understands that we both want him to have some measure of the love, comfort and sanctuary he deserves. That he accepts it from us, finds a way back to his own wife, or decides something completely different is up to him. Whatever he decides he *will* know that he has our support, help and at the very least our friendship...always. End of Thread
JamesM Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Regretfully, I think the marriage is not as strong as you hope it to be. While your husband obviously loves you very much, he now has the knowledge that you went to another man for something he could not deliver. This could erupt at any point. The question is..will he try to resolve his impotence Will he truly get over this affair? Since you had sex with your boss, will you keep working for him? Will your husband be able to deal with the trust issue? Have you considered counseling? Unfortunately, the revelation and the reconciliation of this affair is not the end. It is just the beginning of a very difficult road.
SoulStorm Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 JamesM, thank you for saying what you had to say without branding me as somebody who should be stoned. A lot has happened since I first (and regretfully) posted this thread. I have told my husband and the OM knows I did. All I have to say is that my marriage is as strong as ever. We are in love just as much as we ever were and we hope the OM, a good man in his own right, understands that we both want him to have some measure of the love, comfort and sanctuary he deserves. That he accepts it from us, finds a way back to his own wife, or decides something completely different is up to him. Whatever he decides he *will* know that he has our support, help and at the very least our friendship...always. End of Thread This may be true..but I highly doubt it. OM willnever be a good man. He took advantage of another man's wife. and you can never be friends with someone like that. I think this is just a smoke screen. I could be wrong, but I highly doubt it
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