Delight or Dispair?

[creamyfrench]

I don't think there is any help for this or me, but a sympathetic ear would be nice at this point.

 

I'm in my 40's and certainly would never qualify as being attractive. I'm the "gal with the nice personality" type. I have been, however, very lucky to have had a high school sweetheart, whom I've been with for 33 years...married 23 of those. He is the only man I've ever dated and had physical relations with. We have no children.

 

And for years its been very good, until about 10 years ago when his diabetes caused penile erectile dysfunction. We have tried every type of remedy...pills, shots, etc with no success. The final step would be an implant, which entails the permanent removal of blood vessels in the penis. Needless to say, a very extreme measure I'm unwilling to inflict and he is reluctant to do. While he and I have a sex life, I haven't had sexual intercourse in 10 years and what we have is often difficult to achieve and at times, painfully disappointing.

 

I love my husband very much. He is my best friend and just an all around good man. In every other respect, except sex, he is the perfect man for me. For some time now I had pretty much reconciled myself to the fact that this was it. This was all my life was going to be and have. I made sure that when he could perform that he received pleasure and that if there wasn't enough for me...well that was "okay". As much as I know that it's his illness doing this, I can't help but feel that it's also because I'm unattractive, don't excite him anymore, or I'm just not a good enough wife.

 

Recently, even satisfying his needs hasn't been working out and I find myself constantly in tears about the loss of that last sexual connection. I know he notices, but he avoids even giving me some comfort, like a hug or cuddle. It's like if he shows affection that it might lead to trying to have sexual relations that will likely fail. To the world we look like the perfect couple. One of the rare few that have a happy and successful marriage and in most respects we do. But it can actually be all very soul destroying and lonely at times.

 

While I may fantasize about book/tv characters, I've rarely thought about another "real-life" man and just truly believed that no one would ever be interested in me in that way. In my occupation, I work with mostly very virile, handsome and coveted men. Women fall all over themselves to get to these guys and I've seen what my guys are attracted to. I'm just not an "it" girl. I know they are devoted to me, but more like a mom, older sister or gal pal.

 

I've had the same boss for almost as long as my husband and I have had sexual problems. He is the only person I've found remotely attractive all these years. He looks very much like my husband and more importantly to me has the same built-in kindness, care and humor that attracted me to my husband in the first place. Yeah, I've had a crush on him for a long time, but have never acted on it and his wife of 20 odd years is absolutely stunning. Our co-workers always look at her with a very appreciative eye.

 

Through the years at work, my boss and I have dealt with a lot of things together, so much so, that he has become as much of a friend as my husband. And my husband knows this as does my boss' wife. Often there are things that we tell each other that we wouldn't be able to tell our spouses. We joke around a lot and I have tendency to put myself down for a laugh.

 

One day about 6 months ago, I made a comment about my being fat and he got angry with me. He told me how much he hated when I did that and couldn't I see how beautiful I was. He admitted to having been attracted to me since the day he hired me over nine years ago and that every day that attraction has grown because besides being beautiful I was a wonderful person. He then started to tell me all the things, occasions, etc through the years that made me special to him.

 

He told me that he loved me and always had.

 

I was gob-smacked and panicked. Here was the only other man that I was interested in "in that way" telling me things I hadn't heard in years...literally years. I didn't know what to do, say, think. I didn't want to hurt my husband or this man...my boss...my best friends. I said the first thing that came to my mind.

 

"In all my life, I've only ever kissed one man. I've wondered what it would be like to kiss you. I'd like you to be the 2nd man I ever kiss".

 

And we did, and it was incredible and I knew that for 2nd time in my life I was in love.

 

For months, all we did was hold hands, hug and cuddle whenever we could sneak it. We'd snatch a bit of time behind his closed office door. And we talked and talked about every misconception we had about each other's married lives and how "not" perfect they are. Admittedly my relationship is in a much better place than his. We've been on a couple of trips for work and though I knew he was frustrated, he never pushed me into anything.

 

A couple of weeks ago, after another unfulfilled time with my husband, I found myself getting angry and resentful with him...something I never wanted to do. I never wanted to be a shrew of a wife. But was it really fair that I had to shut down a part of my life that was still so vibrant and wanting? He's done so I have to be done too?

 

My decision made, I went to my boss and stupidly, foolishly, and recklessly performed something for him in his office at work that I'd only ever done for my husband. It was totally irresponsible and wonderful and incredible. No one had responded to me like that in years. His reactions made me feel powerful, beautiful, wanted...I was his everything. I was once again, finally, someone's everything.

 

After, we realized how idiotic we had been. On top of everything else, this is after all, our work. He is my supervisor and I am his subordinate. If he is caught he will be fired. So, we've been talking about that aspect too. Where is this going? We love each other, but are well aware that we are in very complicated marriages, he more than I. We've talked about being careful at work. Our line of work makes him very visible and well known in our community, surrounding communities and at the County level.

 

Two weeks ago, we again went to a conference for work and consummated our relationship. Again, after all this time, I felt alive, like there was still hope for my future. He worshiped me, and I know he was surprised by how much care and attention he received. I wanted him to have everything. I'd only ever felt that way in the early years of my relationship. I never wanted to go home.

 

But, the reality is you have to. And now we're in limbo. We have to be so careful at work. People from another department saw us together at the airport and made a pointed comment to him. I'm so afraid now that something will be said to our people. While I'm able to get away, his wife carefully monitors him. And one of his sons works in our same department. I don't want to do anything more to hurt his children. Now as the "other" woman I get fleeting calls or e-mails from him. Then I don't hear anything all weekend. I still make sure that I do everything I can to make my own husband happy...that he never feels inadequate.

 

But I ache...I just ache for my lover.

 

These two men rule my life. I love them both and don't think I could do without either one of them. The ideal would be that they knew about each other and were alright with this 3-way relationship. My husband is happy the way we are and my lover would have some sense of sanctuary. Truth...I feel like I have to slip back into "give it up, forget that part of yourself" mode again and very soon. I think this relationship is doomed.

 

So, that's my story, please don't condemn me as a bad person. I'm not. I'm feeling so trapped and suffocated and know I will be for a lifetime to come.

[whichwayisup]

You've based this and all you feel on sex and how your boss has made you feel alive. It's an affair, it's fantasy and crush-based. It isn't reality, nor is it long lasting love.

 

You are playing with fire and will be burned badly if you don't stop.

 

I won't tell you why, you know..

 

I will say, you can't do this to your husband. It just plain sucks..

 

Yes, I feel for you and the problems you have at home but that isn't a reason to seek attention and allow yourself to get feelings for another man, let alone your married boss!

 

Open up with your husband. He IS your bestfriend. NOT your boss. The boss is only taking advantage of you because he knows you're vunerable. I mean, why now did he come onto you? Think about that for a second.

 

Tell your husband how unhappy you've been. Do marriage counselling. Together and apart, so each of you can build up your self esteem. You feel insecure about yourself, imagine how your husband feels? Probably alot worse than you.. He isn't seeking attention/emotional affection from other women, so please end it with your MM boss. If you don't, your life as you know it will end and turn upside down.....

 

You and your husband can seek sex therapy together. You can still have a sex life with your husband, can cuddle with him, kiss him, have oral sex. He has a tongue and he has fingers. Buy some sex toys, spice it up.

 

Question. What do you want? Are you willing to throw away your marriage, all that history with your husband for some MMboss who is taking full advantage of you? Also, have you thought about your boss's wife in all this? Do they have children?

[D-Lish]

I really feel for you. This is obviously causing you great emotional turmoil. To feel so disconnected from your husband after so many wonderful years must be painful.

 

I don't think an affair is the solution to your problem. I think it's an avoidance of the real problem. That's the problem between you and your husband- and the fact that some of your important needs aren't being met.

 

I'd definetely take some of the advice from others and seek some marriage or even individual counselling. When you are feeling low, it makes you very vulnerable to situations like you are engaged in with your boss.

 

I think there can be solutions to this problem if you're open to ending the relationship with your boss and working on the parts of your marriage that need mending.

 

I'm not judging you- you're a human being, and human beings are imperfect. I think you know realistically that the relationship with your boss can't amount to anything more than it is. He is married too afterall.

 

Unless the two of you would be willing to leave your spouses... it's going to end up with multiple people getting hurt- including yourself.

 

It's only a matter of time before the affair is exposed... you can't hide something like that in the workplace.

 

You might want to start with one on one counselling to help you work through some individual issues

 

I hope you can find that happiness again with your husband- it's evident you care about him deeply and don't wish to hurt him. If he finds out about this- he will be hurt. I think you're caught up in the moment right now and it's preventing you from seeing the bigger picture. We're all prone to selfish indulgences from time to time- but I think if you take a step outside the situation and look at this rationally- you'll see that this isn't going to end well for anyone.

 

I wish you the best, nobody should have to live a life of unhappiness, especially since your unhappiness isn't caused by anything intentional... I am sure that makes this doubly hard- that your a victim of circumstance and not intentional withdrawl on your husbands part.

[lkjh]

You cheated on your husband after hes been a good partner for 33 years and a good H for 23. Some how you are the victim when hes the one with a disease and probably already feels like less of a man and on top of that you did it with a married man who is friends with your H and you are friends with his W. You did a good job making yourself out to be a victim stating that you where never the pretty girl, such a devoted wife, and a great person but yet you deceive two families by doing something with another man. People have already seen you two together at the airport and his son works in the office, when this gets out I guarantee he is going to make you out to be the aggressor and himself as a victim and it will get out. Do the right thing tell your H you have been suffering and now you have cheated. don't continue to lie and justify it by claiming your H is happy.

 

Give it a little bit of time and you are going to start "falling" out of love with your H and he will get suspicious. Put this down before it blows up and the boss throws you under the bus to save his own marriage and job

[theobserver]

You're not a bad person in the most basic sense. You have however made some horrible decisions, As I started reading your post I was saying to myself is this woman in a fantasy she must be reading too many books . Sure enough you do, however let me tell you something, after you pass a certain amount of years with the same person especially if you were their one and only you really must communicate that the spark and sexual lust between the both of you is dying.

 

Your husband is not a mind reader but more then likely he feels the same way, maybe he can't even get it up anymore there could be a variety of reasons but with communication you could of both discussed things to do differently new sex positions, role play, danger , have sex in a public park , toys you get the point believe me I'm sure he has some ideas. Just aware yes a couple can get bored of having sex with eachother especially if it's the same old thing and both parties arent making the effort to try different things.

 

 

Now look at the situation your in you've cheated with a married man who's your boss. A "close friend" over the years someone you've probably let slip a few things that worry and annoy you at home, men aint stupid, when you made that comment to him about feeling fat you gave him an opening. An opening to make you feel good, infact he probably knew exactly what you wanted to hear and bingo panties off jackpot !!!!

 

Have a read around here honey, how many Bosses have affairs with their female flavour of the month staff. How many are willing to leave their spouse for the lady in question hmmm majority of the time not one of them. Everyone's got problems back home but I bet his problems back home aren't as bad as he lets on. Here's something you should think about, ask him if he'd be willing to leave his wife for you with some sort of deadline. I guarantee you his tune will change, all of a sudden you're the psycho bi*ch who wont leave him alone. Who's going to question him they don't want to lose their job, but they've seen you always going to him and very rarely to the higher ups want to get rid of manager staff they'd rather remove you.

 

You might of been a victim before the affair for lack of attention but you are not anymore. The only true victim is your husband who as you say likes everything as they are and boy is he ever ready for the wakeup call. As for people at your work place, they are not stupid , anyone that works in an office can smell an office romance a mile away they are gossiping about you right now ofcourse they know your job and secret affair are numbered.

 

My advice, would be to confess to your husband prepare for his judgement, if he is willing to forgive and if you still actually want to be with him you are going to have to be completely open, he's going to have to need to know exactly why this happened and you need to be honest. You have to NOT defend your boss because he has abused his power and taken advantage of you and anyone can see your weak from your actions.

 

Forgiveness may involve you having to transfer from your job, quitting it, possible moving and of course cutting contact from the boss 100% and if you or your husband wished to inform his wife that's a choice for you both to make . I'll tell you this though don't defend a fellow cheater don't worry about the kids they'll be fine and don't pretend you cared or you wouldn't of slept with him numerous time so that's a lousy excuse why you wouldn't tell his wife who just as much deserves to know the truth and make a decision on what happens next her side.

 

A good friend would of told you to speak to your husband about your issues openly not try to get you to ride him cowgirl style.

 

I guarantee you this, if you decide to keep things quiet it's going to bite you on the as.s and you will not like it, your story is not unique it's all over the forums .

 

I'm just so disappointed, I wish people that were thinking about cheating would come to community forums like this and have a good read. Maybe then they would talk with their actual partners about issues or just break things off/divorce before getting in bed with another.

 

My stressful post aside you are a grown adult I can not make you do anything you do not wish to. You have free will, you are free to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them I wish you the best of luck whatever you do.

[SusieQ1]

I agree with all of the others here. Your circumstances in your marriage do not in any way excuse you having an affair with your boss. There are many of us in marriages who may have excuses for one reason or another, but your circumstances are not any more acceptable than other "reasons."

I do understand your feelings for your boss though. I too was and still am madly in love with my former boss, and he stated his feelings for me, but I fought off any temptation to go further, though it wasn't and still isn't easy to deal with. I too have reasons I could've used to proceed with him, but I didn't and believe me, it involves alot of suffering to go that route of resistance as well! I still feel the pain, and it hurts like hell, but it is nothing I suppose to what the pain would've been to destroy two families or to cut off the affair after it had started! Hope you will do the right thing and stop your affair.

[troubadour]

Creamyfrench... it is a despair. It is not a delight.

 

If you must have an affair find someone else... someone who doesn't belong to your social circle and someone who dosen't work with you.

 

How would you feel if you were your boss' wife. Do you think it would be O.K. for him to sleep with your friend. I doubt.

 

But I can bet that you will continue this affair until the s... hits the fan.

 

Stay the course and pay no attention to that fast-approaching iceberg.

[bish]

A couple of weeks ago, after another unfulfilled time with my husband, I found myself getting angry and resentful with him...something I never wanted to do. I never wanted to be a shrew of a wife. But was it really fair that I had to shut down a part of my life that was still so vibrant and wanting? He's done so I have to be done too?

 

 

Gee, I hope I never find myself with someone like this if I ever develop a condition through no fault of my own.

 

 

 

Two weeks ago, we again went to a conference for work and consummated our relationship. Again, after all this time, I felt alive, like there was still hope for my future. He worshiped me, and I know he was surprised by how much care and attention he received. I wanted him to have everything. I'd only ever felt that way in the early years of my relationship. I never wanted to go home.

 

But, the reality is you have to. And now we're in limbo. We have to be so careful at work. People from another department saw us together at the airport and made a pointed comment to him. I'm so afraid now that something will be said to our people.

 

I am hoping that something is said. Your husband deserves to know what is going on.

 

 

While I'm able to get away, his wife carefully monitors him. And one of his sons works in our same department. I don't want to do anything more to hurt his children. Now as the "other" woman I get fleeting calls or e-mails from him. Then I don't hear anything all weekend. I still make sure that I do everything I can to make my own husband happy...that he never feels inadequate.

 

But I ache...I just ache for my lover.

 

Then for petes sake get a divorce from your husband.

 

 

These two men rule my life. I love them both

 

 

WRONG! No way you can love your husband and screw another man. yes I know he has problems, but it isn't his fault.

 

Lets say a woman I was with completely "dried up"...not her fault. I'd be justified in going out and sticking my member in other women? Much less the wife of another man?

 

 

and don't think I could do without either one of them. The ideal would be that they knew about each other and were alright with this 3-way relationship.

 

OMFG, you have got to be joking. Well hell, why don't you just tell your husband already that you gave him a blow job in his office and are boffing him and let the chips fall where they may.

 

 

My husband is happy the way we are

 

Thats because he thinks that he has a wife that will stand beside him no matter what and doesn't know what you are doing with this married man.

 

 

 

So, that's my story, please don't condemn me as a bad person. I'm not.

I'm feeling so trapped and suffocated and know I will be for a lifetime to come.

 

Then get a divorce. You're husband can't perform sexually anymore because of his diabetes. Too bad for him right?

 

Just get a divorce and you can gratify yourself all you want with his OM. And maybe the OM will get a divorce too and you 2 can be together and save 2 other people.

[kalirose65]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I can completely understand how you feel! I have been married for 23 years also. Never did I think I would have an affair. Sex was never great for my H and me. When he started getting sick and having problems in that area. It went to horrible. He refuses to get proper medical help and what he does get he doesn't follow through with. The Dr. tells him that if he would take care of himself and takes his meds the sexual problems would lessen. I am so frustrated at his lack of willingness to be healthier. About a month ago, an opportunity arose with a MM who is a friend and business acquaintance. We both know the consequences of our actions, but it feels so good to get the parts that are missing in our M from each other. You are not alone. What to do is not an easy answer. In the end you will get hurt. You need to decide if you love your husband enough to try to work through the problem. If you don’t, then let him go. Don’t expect your boss to there. He probably won’t leave his family and if he does the problems that begins are as bad as the ones you have now. I understand how difficult it can be, I hope I can take my own advise. Rest assured your not alone. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[Deegee]

:confused:Wow, just wow.

You have 2 men in your life (while we who have none at this moment), and you're in turmoil?!

Your husband deserves the truth, would YOU be so understanding if the tables were turned?! Would you understand the hurt, and dissapointment, not to mention the blow to his manhood will be?!

I tell you what, if I were in your situation, I pray to God that I wouldn't do anything to hurt my husband.

You are not a bad person, just selfish.I can tell you one thing for sure, you better THINK long and hard before proceeding with this affair. I can tell you that there is NO man out there that is worth the pain that I see coming round the corner.

End the affair now, before anyone finds out, and before your boss throws you under the bus, trust me, you don't believe that he'll do that, but if push came to shove, you'll be the first one to go. Then you'll be WITHOUT a man.

Good Luck.

[couchmonkey]

Good job on that "In sickness and in health" part. Good job.

[Mr. Lucky]

Good job on that "In sickness and in health" part. Good job.

OP, you had to know that there would be many here who would judge you harshly. My take is simply that you need to end the deceit and make a decision. As things stand now, not fair to anyone involved...

 

Mr. Lucky

[creamyfrench]

Thank you kalirose65 for your understanding of my situation. I knew someone with the same life experience would understand where I was coming from. Yes, my H was told the same things by his Dr. Losing weight, sugar in moderation, exercise all could lead him back to not having to take any medication at all and our having the kind of relationship we once had. We've talked about how his longer life and our relationship would seem to be incentive, but that hasn't worked and it is as you say very frustrating.

 

I'm very surprised by most of the responses I've received. I'd hardly call this place the love shack. Seems to be more the vicious condemnation hovel.

 

Your response was the only one that I felt really "saw" me. I saw you too and you are not alone either. I can't say what course I'll take and I have no sound piece of advise to give you. As to being hurt...too late.

[creamyfrench]

Well, bentnotbroken, my H has already dismissed the life we have by totally ignoring Dr recommendations. Is alright for my H to kill himself and leave me behind? Beyond that, if I were the ill person, I would be quite capable of having a frank and open discussion with him about not wanting to "selfishly" shutdown such an important part of his life and I would recognize that is exactly what I'd be doing. I'd be very comfortable with an alternative.

[creamyfrench]

Mr. Lucky, I believe couchmonkey was being factious...sarcastic. And no, I had no idea that there would be such a "lynch mob" mentality. I very clearly stated at the start of my post that I was looking for a sympathetic ear". Perhaps I should have also stated those with other intentions need not reply. Had I known I would be treated this way, I would never have posted in the first place.

[Lucky_One]

Beyond that, if I were the ill person, I would be quite capable of having a frank and open discussion with him about not wanting to "selfishly" shutdown such an important part of his life and I would recognize that is exactly what I'd be doing.

 

So why won't you have a frank and open discussion with him about the fact that your lack of sexual intercourse is making you look elsewhere for gratification?

[mark982]

geez, what did you expect? people to say "great job destroying your vows". either divorce him or move on. it's really a simple answer.

[lkjh]

Creamyfrench, then you don't want advice you want people tell you all that matters is you and your feelings right? Look dealing with diabetes is not easy just try sitting down after decades of one way of life and changing it. Most people can not do it on their own, they need there families with them not in the boss's office's. What you are doing is selfish and cruel even if you feel sorry for yourself. Do you honestly think that through out your entire marriage your H has not been fed up with you at least once but I doubt he ran off with another woman. People don't see it your way because your way is just wrong.

[SoulStorm]

And no, I had no idea that there would be such a "lynch mob" mentality. I very clearly stated at the start of my post that I was looking for a sympathetic ear". Perhaps I should have also stated those with other intentions need not reply. Had I known I would be treated this way, I would never have posted in the first place.

 

 

You cannot honestly expect to come to a forum labeled "Infidelity", to get sympathy from people who have been betrayed.

Using words like incredible and wonderful to describe how you felt servicing your boss while you have an impotent husband at home.

 

Do you know how selfish and crass that sounds?

 

Even Kalirose said what is happening is going to cause nothing but hurt in the end. If my wife could not have sex with me anymore, there are alternatives to the siuation. Definately not trying to find someone else to "satisfy" my own selfish sexual needs.

You are not getting "lynched"

You are just being told the truth.

[whichwayisup]

my H has already dismissed the life we have by totally ignoring Dr recommendations. Is alright for my H to kill himself and leave me behind? Beyond that, if I were the ill person, I would be quite capable of having a frank and open discussion with him about not wanting to "selfishly" shutdown such an important part of his life and I would recognize that is exactly what I'd be doing. I'd be very comfortable with an alternative.

 

Is that how you're justifying this to yourself?

 

Is it OK for you to decide to go outside of your marriage, have an affair, like your husband shutting down and being depressed about his health? Did you try to MAKE him understand how awful and rejected you were feeling? Did you discuss possibly having an open marriage with him? Did he have a choice in you cheating?

 

LS is like the real world, you're going to get all sorts of responses. I'm sure if you publically announced in a room full of strangers, you'd get the same reaction as here. Some will understand, hand hold and be supportive, others will reply in harsh tones, but STILL give advice, and then there are some who will try to make you feel like crap and judge you.

 

How do you think your husband is going to feel if/when he finds out you've been cheating on him, having an affair with your married boss? You think we're on you, just wait until HE finds out the truth. He isn't stupid, I'm sure he sees the signs, sees your happiness, but isn't quite sure exactly why... If he at all, is into his own feelings, then red flags will be seen.

[Reggie]

Typically, when one has violated one's own moral code, the first step taken is to seek out support justifying one's actions. You see this frequently in an affair situation. And, you will find people to help you decieve yourself and aid you in running from what you know, in your heart, is unjustifiable. A person doing this will, most often, shut out the dissenting opinions because they threaten the decepitin one is trying to perpetrate on herself.

But, in the wee hours of the night(assuming you have a conscience, which it seems you do), you will not be able to turn off that voice in your head telling you that you are wrong to do this. I would expect that the first thing you'll have to deal with that is no susceptible to the jsutification re your husband's health that you are putting forth, is the impact on this man's wife and kids. They have nothing to do with your husband's condition, yet you have hurt them.

Then, as others have mentioned, you'll have to deal with the contradiction of having vowed fidelity in sickness and health with your justification.

Then, you'll have to deal with the other options you had readily available, counseling, seperation or divorce.

You cannot run from these and can only hold them at bay for so long before they eat you up. You'll find some support for your position. but, after a while, you will realize that the sources that support you are not credible and are equally misguided.

I hope, at some point you have the courage to face your actions and do the right thing.

[whichwayisup]

Fact is too, eventually people at work WILL put two and two together, the gossip will start, and you'll have to deal with a ruined work reputation. Possibly a ruined marriage as well.

 

IS going through all this worth it?

 

I hope you do seek one on one counselling to help you figure this out. Continuing down this path (having the affair) is only the beginning of the end of who "you" are. One day you won't recognize yourself.

[JustBreathe]

I agree with the others and only want to add that there are ways to have sexual pleasure that don't involve infidelity. Maybe your husband would be willing to experiment with some of these? Have you asked him?

 

You mentioned that he can have an erection but only for a very short time. I gather that he has some kind of sexual appetite, he just can't follow through. Well.. to be blunt.. he has a tongue doesn't he? SORRY. It was just way too obvious to me. Tons of toys on the market also.

 

I think if there's a will there's a way. There's a place somewhere in between where you both can meet (no pun intended, hah!). Compromise is what marriage is about.

 

Do talk to a counselor.

 

Maybe your H won't offer you comfort because he senses you are interested in another man? You've been married a long time. He knows your moods.

 

I'm sorry but you're using your husband's problem as a way to justify your own problem. If you truly love your husband, make the effort to resolve the sex thing with HIM not by screwing around. You mention that you wish your H would be okay with a 3 way deal - but you forget - it's a 4 way deal. The OM has a wife.

 

I wonder why your OM's wife keeps such close tabs on his whereabouts? Could it be he's done this before?

[Sup]

There's only one more problem with this Thread, the poster just doesn't want to listen to the Truth! She's Riding another man, hurting her husband in the worse possible way, yet she wants people to be nice to her! Lady, we're being kind to you compared to what your husband would say, and perhaps do. Do you realize that people kill themselves over finding out about being cheated on? Have you even thought of that?

[Al_Bundy]

Thank you kalirose65 for your understanding of my situation. I knew someone with the same life experience would understand where I was coming from. Yes, my H was told the same things by his Dr. Losing weight, sugar in moderation, exercise all could lead him back to not having to take any medication at all and our having the kind of relationship we once had. We've talked about how his longer life and our relationship would seem to be incentive, but that hasn't worked and it is as you say very frustrating.

 

I'm very surprised by most of the responses I've received. I'd hardly call this place the love shack.

 

Well you are the one coming here claiming to love your husband and then betraying his love by having sex with another woman's husband.

 

Maybe it would do you good to know what love is first.