Trialbyfire Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 It's the degree of the lie that matters. Sure, most people do tell little white lies to make others feel better. It's the other type of lie, whether by omission or bald-faced, that's usually very self-serving. For example, a cheating spouse lying about an affair. The cheating spouse isn't lying to protect the betrayed spouse, they're lying to protect themselves. unders has to decide which kind of lie this is and factor in future possibilities of a re-enactment of lie, his integrity as a whole and whether the relationship is worth living with the lie. It also depends on how he expressed himself, after he was caught.
Nemo Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I've been in your shoes more than once. Props to you for coming clean. I know I just hate it when people borrow my shoes without permission.
Nemo Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 The purposes for lying (even by omission) The omission thing seems to be somewhat of a judgement call. Who can really say if an "incomplete" answer is a disingenuous one? It's not necessarily being economical with the truth.
audrey_1 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Today I asked my lunch date if that was a hickey on his neck. He said no, he fell down hiking. Within five minutes of me sipping on my beer and remaining silent, he said he had been hiking the day before, but that was indeed a hickey, but that he'd only been out with her twice. I said 1) the make-up shade you used to cover it up with was all wrong 2) you disrespected me by lying and 3) you disrespected the girl who gave you the hickey by not thinking she was worth telling ME she gave it to you. Lies.
Nemo Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 They say there are lies, damned lies, and statistics. I think the moral of this story is not to date a statistician.
dropdeadlegs Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Unders, I stand in the camp that there are degrees of lying, and of omissions of truth. I consistently have told my young children that Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Toothy Fairy exist. In essence that makes me a liar. I have withheld information about myself in some circumstances that I deem unimportant to a relationship (and have never been asked about) which could be seen as an omission of truth. However, asked point blank about anything, I would tell the truth. You are a private person, and I respect your privacy, but it's hard to give a definitive personal answer. My moral compass is likely different from your own. That said, the best answer I can give is that you know where YOUR line lies, and it appears that the line has indeed been crossed. I'm sorry you have been hurt by a lie.
KinAZ Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 You can be kind and honest. I've found that to some people, no matter how delicately you put the truth, what you say is still taken as mean instead of kind. I've found that the more insecure a person, the more difficult it is for him or her to deal with the truth. Also, I've noticed that the people who tell the most little lies or do the most omitting are the ones who are most sensitive to the truth themselves. So, in their defense, they are thinking about how THEY might feel in certain situations (at least sometimes). It's not just the difficulty of delivering bad news, but also these individuals thinking about how they would react to hearing certain things. Then of course, there are people who are simply cowards. But I honestly think that relates back to the person not wanting you to be angry, or to be blamed. And yes, in some sense it can be seen as selfish, but what are we gonna do?
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