deeplyme Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I met a man I found really interesting. He walked into a bar I was in and made a beeline for me. I was standing quite near the doorway so I thought at first that was the reason he start talking to me. He was friendly and nice and spoke about the singer (live music session). He later told me, that the moment he laid eyes on me, he was like "gggrrr, I want her". Anyway, we chatted a lot and he gave me many compliments -I know he was sincere... he was a very honest guy... I'm sure. He told me he loved my intelligence and named other things he found somewhat fascinating about me. We ended up kissing and he seemed wowed by my "sweet energy" and talked of how he loved my sweet kisses. Now, I'm 42, he's 46... but what I found confusing is that he made no secret of the fact that he wanted to do me so badly that night. I didn't go along with that but I had to ask myself how seriously he took me as potential relationship material, if he wanted to sleep with me immediately. I'd love to hear guys opinions on this. If you are so focused on sex with a woman you just met, does it rule out a desire for something more with her? Thanks in advance for any opinions.
ianandris Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Nope. Not one bit. All it definitively means is that he found you attractive. Now, if you'd consented to going to bed with him you probably would have closed out the possibility of developing something with him (men respect women who respect themselves), but guys, more or less, always want to have sex with beautiful women. But that doesn't mean they are interested in sex exclusively. It's not "I would like to have sex with her" vs "I would like to talk to her and get to know her". Usually, it's some combination of the two. BUT, I don't know him, so I can't really speculate on his intentions.
Dirk Diggler Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I'd love to hear guys opinions on this. If you are so focused on sex with a woman you just met, does it rule out a desire for something more with her? Thanks in advance for any opinions. In this case the guy was hiding nothing, he wanted in your pants and made no bones about wanting to bone you just like that. To answer your question, it's sort of an unwritten rule that post one night stand there is a massive respect loss for a woman, you played the part, you gave it up. The desire was that specifically. Like i've said before, women are branded sluts (Which may or not be true) because the woman is question could be giving it up constantly, thus thinking there is nothing to set apart them being special to want a relationship with such a woman. The dating process is for a reason.
fral945 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 If you are so focused on sex with a woman you just met, does it rule out a desire for something more with her? Thanks in advance for any opinions. IMO no. If he's physically attracted to you, that's a good start because for guys physical attraction is a major part. Most guys have a minimum attractiveness level. It varies from guy to guy, but basically, if you are above their minimum physical attractiveness level they will be interested. From my own experience and the guys I know, most of them tend to find an attractive woman then see if they can make a relationship out of it. I don't think many guys say "Oh, there's a nice woman I have a lot in common with, even though she's not that physically attractive, maybe I'll give it a shot with her". I've tried both ways, and the 2nd one has never worked. IMO, the time you have sex (i.e., first date, 2 months, 2 yrs, etc) I don't think really makes a difference. People will tell you a guy won't respect you as much if you sleep with him on the first date, and maybe there is some truth to that. But really only time and getting to know the person will prove that. If you have sex with him early, just realize it may not mean anything to him other than sex. Sex and love are not synonymous for men. Of course, I'm in my 20s so you can take my advice with a grain of salt.
djhall Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 If you are so focused on sex with a woman you just met, does it rule out a desire for something more with her? Thanks in advance for any opinions. From my own experience and the guys I know, most of them tend to find an attractive woman then see if they can make a relationship out of it. I don't think it rules out something more, but I see a couple areas where it could be related to issues. First, some guys can't get past the double-standard and will think less of a woman who has sex with them, though it really makes no sense and isn't logical or fair. Second, if the guy hasn't gotten hooked on anything other than your physical appearance, he may loose interest in pursuing you any further once he gets the "conquest" of getting you into bed, though that kind of guy probably isn't much of a catch anyway.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I didn't go along with that but I had to ask myself how seriously he took me as potential relationship material, if he wanted to sleep with me immediately. I'd suggest turning the power back to yourself on this one. Instead of wondering if he finds you relationship material, I would hold my cards close (ie - no sex) for a few weeks and find out if he is relationship material. If he whines, pouts and tries to coerce you into having sex every time you are together then there you have it. It his him that isn't worth your time, instead of the other way around.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I don't think it rules out something more, but I see a couple areas where it could be related to issues. First, some guys can't get past the double-standard and will think less of a woman who has sex with them, though it really makes no sense and isn't logical or fair. Second, if the guy hasn't gotten hooked on anything other than your physical appearance, he may loose interest in pursuing you any further once he gets the "conquest" of getting you into bed, though that kind of guy probably isn't much of a catch anyway. DJHall, I like the way you think. You seem more fair to women by your posts.
GoodOnPaper Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I'd suggest turning the power back to yourself on this one. Instead of wondering if he finds you relationship material, I would hold my cards close (ie - no sex) for a few weeks and find out if he is relationship material. If he whines, pouts and tries to coerce you into having sex every time you are together then there you have it. It his him that isn't worth your time, instead of the other way around. I could also see some relationship-material men viewing this as unnecessarily manipulative and simply walking away.
Shygirl15 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I didn't go along with that but I had to ask myself how seriously he took me as potential relationship material, if he wanted to sleep with me immediately. Nope. He didn't see you as a relationship material. He doesn't come across as a relationship material neither.
carhill Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 PUA. Men aren't that "perceptive" (e.g. your intelligence). It's bravo sierra. I'd suggest enjoying such men in the confines of the bar and looking for relationship material elsewhere
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