interpersonal communication 101

[superd]

I took four classes in interpersonal communication in undergraduate study and one in graduate school. I humbly feel that I am an expert in the area. I feel that sometimes people in this site may often be rude to me and each other without reason and provocation. The warning sign is always a repugnance to deal with feelings in a safe and responsible way. For example, it is okay to deal with sexual topics but people often too easily walk over the TMI line.

 

A safe way to discuss sex is usually off-hand, with a non-caring approach. Eric Berne in Games People Play says, "Some games are played to exploit or fight off sexual impulses." This means that is is not safe to go into too much detail about sex because we often do it to mentally "rip-off" others. As a professor of mine has said, there are two kinds of people in life, disparagers and celebrators. The former always misses the boat while the celebrator drinks deep in the pleasures of life. Now, both positions have their obvious pluses and drawbacks but in the disparagers case, he/she mostly lives to regret things. The real drawback here is that the disparagers often also, when they are not wishing others to join them in disparagement, also try to "rip off" others by stealing their emotional energy. This much, is not original and is not my original idea or theory. In some aspects, I don't even agree with it.

 

You may be interested in why I am telling you this or you may think I am crazy. That is immaterial because I want you to enjoy this. I sincerely hope that everyone reads this and finds this somewhat scandalous. It is a message that you absolutely need. I encourage you to make this the most commented thread in history.

 

My idea may be within the framework of traditional interpersonal theory or it may reside inside it, but I think that all people on this site are jealous of each other because they themselves are not having enough sex and safe sex at that. The time has come to be more than responsible. Unwanted babies and failing marriages besides, there is something of note coming to the world. Soon the internet will be more popular than it has. It is still in it's absolute infancy. In some respects we are the pioneers, but we must be careful and bear a coming "blizzard of thought". The time will come when we do not have enough to say to each other that our minds will stop working correctly and I am not saying that everyone will have bipolar disorder or depression, which are of course are two up-and-coming epidemics, but that the coming plague will in fact be highly psychological. It will involve germs but also a termination of life as we know it. I am not however in any way speaking about the coming "rise of the machines". It will be more uncomfortable than that. I can sum up the problem in one phrase, the abyss will open up completely and swallow what is left of the truth in our world. See if you can figure out the mind puzzle in these words. Maybe you are not ready.

 

I sincerely apologize that these might be the strangest words you ever hear on a relationship site but the time has come to open our eyes and never close them again. We must open our eyes to see what is in.

 

Sincerely and with love,

Superd

[quankanne]

people talk about sex or engage in sex-talk because it's exciting, plain and simple. Some of us *do* need attention, and some of us want to get our voices heard, and some of us are just plain horny and use words to alleviate their needs. Yeah, it often draws the line into TMI territory, but the beauty of it is, with an internet dialogue, you can always walk away and not be considered rude.

 

it might be contrary to how you've been educated, but think of the 'Shack as an apprenticeship where you learn realistically how things go, and just how far academic training covers it. Because while your interpersonal communication classes are fantastic in theory, life rarely can be contained that way, you know? And to impose that kind of regimented thinking on others loses your audience because they're out there in the thick of things, not merely observing ...

[Jersey Shortie]

feel that sometimes people in this site may often be rude to me and each other without reason and provocation. The warning sign is always a repugnance to deal with feelings in a safe and responsible way. For example, it is okay to deal with sexual topics but people often too easily walk over the TMI line.

 

 

 

Heck, I could have told you that. It's the same reason why people get behind the wheel and act like douches. Its a "safe" way to get out your frustrations and really has nothign to do with the complete stranger that managed to get infront of you.

[Trialbyfire]

It's not scandalous but it is assumptive to believe that everything is driven by jealousy and sex. It's also not a new theory, in that Freud took it one step further by tying sex into family, no double-entendre intended.

[superd]

I don't agree with Freud, sex has nothing to do with family, perversion or otherwise. Freud was wrong.

[officegirl]

How do you know that Freud was wrong? Just wondering.

[superd]

Freud was a disparager. Look at the way he belittled women in his "Interpretation of Dreams". Not a very nice or gracious man.

[officegirl]

People belittle women all the time. That doesn't necessarily make every idea that they have, wrong. I'm asking how it is that you can say "Freud was wrong" about parental fantasy and shaping, as if it were fact.

 

I'm not challenging you, so to speak. I don't know one way or the other because I haven't a background in psychiatry and psychology. More of a general interest.

 

Also, I'm not easily convinced without citing alternative theories or reasonable explanations to the contrary.

[Gold Pile]

I took four classes in interpersonal communication in undergraduate study and one in graduate school. I humbly feel that I am an expert in the area. I feel that sometimes people in this site may often be rude to me and each other without reason and provocation. The warning sign is always a repugnance to deal with feelings in a safe and responsible way. For example, it is okay to deal with sexual topics but people often too easily walk over the TMI line.

 

A safe way to discuss sex is usually off-hand, with a non-caring approach. Eric Berne in Games People Play says, "Some games are played to exploit or fight off sexual impulses." This means that is is not safe to go into too much detail about sex because we often do it to mentally "rip-off" others. As a professor of mine has said, there are two kinds of people in life, disparagers and celebrators. The former always misses the boat while the celebrator drinks deep in the pleasures of life. Now, both positions have their obvious pluses and drawbacks but in the disparagers case, he/she mostly lives to regret things. The real drawback here is that the disparagers often also, when they are not wishing others to join them in disparagement, also try to "rip off" others by stealing their emotional energy. This much, is not original and is not my original idea or theory. In some aspects, I don't even agree with it.

 

You may be interested in why I am telling you this or you may think I am crazy. That is immaterial because I want you to enjoy this. I sincerely hope that everyone reads this and finds this somewhat scandalous. It is a message that you absolutely need. I encourage you to make this the most commented thread in history.

 

My idea may be within the framework of traditional interpersonal theory or it may reside inside it, but I think that all people on this site are jealous of each other because they themselves are not having enough sex and safe sex at that. The time has come to be more than responsible. Unwanted babies and failing marriages besides, there is something of note coming to the world. Soon the internet will be more popular than it has. It is still in it's absolute infancy. In some respects we are the pioneers, but we must be careful and bear a coming "blizzard of thought". The time will come when we do not have enough to say to each other that our minds will stop working correctly and I am not saying that everyone will have bipolar disorder or depression, which are of course are two up-and-coming epidemics, but that the coming plague will in fact be highly psychological. It will involve germs but also a termination of life as we know it. I am not however in any way speaking about the coming "rise of the machines". It will be more uncomfortable than that. I can sum up the problem in one phrase, the abyss will open up completely and swallow what is left of the truth in our world. See if you can figure out the mind puzzle in these words. Maybe you are not ready.

 

I sincerely apologize that these might be the strangest words you ever hear on a relationship site but the time has come to open our eyes and never close them again. We must open our eyes to see what is in.

 

Sincerely and with love,

Superd

Dang! I was going to say the same thing:mad:

But Johan beat us both.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163543/

[GPFan]

Soon the internet will be more popular than it has. It is still in it's absolute infancy. In some respects we are the pioneers, but we must be careful and bear a coming "blizzard of thought".

What harm can come from a "blizzard of thought?" What is it you fear?

[superd]

Officegirl, for one thing, I am not sold on the whole "oedipal complex" thing. Remember, Oedipus killed his father because he did not know that it was his father and he made love to his mother becuase he did not know it was his mother.

[Storyrider]

..............................

[Trimmer]

You may be interested in why I am telling you this or you may think I am crazy. That is immaterial because I want you to enjoy this...

 

Unwanted babies and failing marriages besides, there is something of note coming to the world. Soon the internet will be more popular than it has. It is still in it's absolute infancy. In some respects we are the pioneers, but we must be careful and bear a coming "blizzard of thought". The time will come when we do not have enough to say to each other that our minds will stop working correctly and I am not saying that everyone will have bipolar disorder or depression, which are of course are two up-and-coming epidemics, but that the coming plague will in fact be highly psychological. It will involve germs but also a termination of life as we know it. I am not however in any way speaking about the coming "rise of the machines". It will be more uncomfortable than that. I can sum up the problem in one phrase, the abyss will open up completely and swallow what is left of the truth in our world. See if you can figure out the mind puzzle in these words. Maybe you are not ready.

 

I was supposed to enjoy that?

 

Damn... I can't remember if I was supposed to take the red pill or the blue pill...

[sam light]

I humbly feel that I am an expert.

oxy moron

 

You may be interested in why I am telling you this or you may think I am crazy.

No, and Yes

 

 

I encourage you to make this the most commented thread in history.

I did my part

[officegirl]

Officegirl, for one thing, I am not sold on the whole "oedipal complex" thing. Remember, Oedipus killed his father because he did not know that it was his father and he made love to his mother becuase he did not know it was his mother.

 

What's the other thing?

 

I'm confused now. I'm not sure you actually intend to answer my questions. Your replies are for lack of a better term, a bit dribbledrabble-ish.

 

I give up. And I say that with love.

[Trimmer]

Dang! I was going to say the same thing:mad:

But Johan beat us both.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163543/

Ah! So clearly what you're saying is that the OP is a CERN scientist, on an enforced 2-month vacation, and he's using LS to warn us, in code, that he is worried about what's going to happen when they turn it back on?

 

Now I'm enjoying it...

[Taramere]

Freud was a disparager. Look at the way he belittled women in his "Interpretation of Dreams". Not a very nice or gracious man.

 

To be fair, Freud analysed his own dreams quite thoroughly and would challenge himself for all kinds of things....including what he recognised to be his personal prejudices...some of them against women he wasn't attracted to and/or considered to be hysterics.

 

Bearing in mind that the popular prudery of the time and the failure to acknowledge that women could actually enjoy and desire sex, Freud's interpretation of dreams - with its frank references to sex - must have been considered completely shocking.

 

I'm not denying that he came out with a fair bit of misogyny, but he wasn't writing in particularly enlightened times. He blew the lid on repression, and some of his more offensive theories relate to his speculation as to what fantasies people were repressing. I'm sure lots of people have lurid thoughts and fantasies that they wouldn't want to turn into reality. Freud explored and said what others didn't dare to explore and say.

 

I think some of the antagonism that remains towards him is partly a leftover from the extent to which he outraged people when he was alive, and fathering psychoanalysis. You're liking Eric Berne's work. Well, if you're familiar with that and with Freud's work, you must see the extent to which Transactional Analysis is based on Freud's identification of an id, an ego and a superego.

 

I've no idea as to whether Freud was a pleasant person to know and to be around. I found the spirit of him that comes across in IOD to be quite amusing and likeable - but each to their own. In his defence, I'd argue that 4 classes in interpersonal communication probably isn't the greatest basis from which to declare that the man who fathered psychoanalysis was "wrong".

 

As to the opening post.... I interpreted it as meaning that you see increasing use of the Internet and other technology as potentially exacerbating existing flaws in people's characters and encouraging depression and the breakdown in healthy, productive communication. That or it's just the garbling expression of the germ of a theory that's struck you, but which you haven't reasoned through sufficiently to understand precisely what you want to say. Or to present it coherently.

 

Or you've been working too hard and need a good night's sleep.

[grogster]

I respect Freud more for his cultural as opposed to clinical contributions. Psychoanalysis, however, is dead--except for Upper Manhattan.

 

As for the OP's crazed, jumbled apocalyptic rant, it contribites not one whit to the oncoming "blizzard of thought". In fact, forecasts call for a continued drought. It's warmed-over Matrix without the coherence.

 

As for TA, it's Freud Made Simple for the middle brow.

[Taramere]

I respect Freud more for his cultural as opposed to clinical contributions. Psychoanalysis, however, is dead--except for Upper Manhattan.

 

I think psychodynamic theory is too uncertain and philosophical for many clinicians to take it seriously. Say a doctor (one who derides psychoanalysis) is feeling depressed, sits down with a friend and the friend discreetly and successfully applies psychodynamic theory to help the doctor figure out why he's feeling that way. The doctor will probably attribute that to the friend being a natural people person who has good insight, rather than crediting psychodynamic theory for providing the friend with valuable helping tools.

 

I think an understanding of the main theories continues to be very relevant in the work of a lot of professional carers. Any time I've seen a parenting assessment compiled by an expert witness, there's been heavy reliance on psychonalytic or psychodynamic theory. I think those terms have become unfashionable, but still contribute strongly to the study of human behaviour.

 

Definitely take your point about the cultural contribution, though. Classic authors who were fascinated by the norms and quirks of human behaviour knew about projection, repression, denial etc before Freud ever came along and put names to such things.

[Trialbyfire]

I have to ask the good people of this thread, whether they feel jealousy or any form of sexuality towards the OP. I can honestly that the emotions the OP elicits from me are far from jealousy or sexuality of any form.

[superd]

Thank you all for the replies. Again, however, I must maintain that psychology must be studied from the outside. That is my theory and it is partialy based on Berne (see the beginning chapter of his book). Psychology is less interesting for what says about our behavior and more interesting for what it says about itself. Psychology should be studied solely for the body of work it has created. I don't believe in psychologists. They always analyse us in terms of the body of psychology and never take a more direct approach to our thoughts and behavior. That is why I am a student of interpersonal communication persay and not like others in my field who feel that psychology should be the basis of human communication. To study psychology is to study psychology, to study interpersonal communication is to study interpersonal communication. I am not a scientist or psychologist. I only responded to officegirl by giving my humble opinion about the whole matter, I never claimed to be an expert on psychology.

[Taramere]

I have to ask the good people of this thread, whether they feel jealousy or any form of sexuality towards the OP. I can honestly that the emotions the OP elicits from me are far from jealousy or sexuality of any form.

 

I'll admit it. I'm moist and furious; but that has more to do with Freud than the OP.

 

Thank you all for the replies. Again, however, I must maintain that psychology must be studied from the outside. That is my theory and it is partialy based on Berne (see the beginning chapter of his book). Psychology is less interesting for what says about our behavior and more interesting for what it says about itself. Psychology should be studied solely for the body of work it has created. I don't believe in psychologists. They always analyse us in terms of the body of psychology and never take a more direct approach to our thoughts and behavior. That is why I am a student of interpersonal communication persay and not like others in my field

 

 

First slice of bread. Your enthusiasm is great, and I'm sure it will help you in whatever field you're in/go into.

 

Here's the sh*t. Psychology and psychodynamic theory are two quite different areas - as you would know if you'd studied them. When you study psychology you focus primarily on how the brain works - with reference to clinical experiments.

 

The fact that you don't know that suggests that your classes in interpersonal communication haven't prepared you to debate these subjects. It sounds to me as though you've picked up a few phrases you've overheard in lectures, and are running with them - regardless of the fact that you don't really understand what the hell you're talking about.

 

Second slice of bread. I'm sure that even if your expertise doesn't carry you to the places you would hope to go to, your enthusiasm, zest and good intentions will take you....somewhere. Bon voyage!

[superd]

You want to test my acumen, you sound very angry and distraught. Perhaps, somebody close to you has just left you. Don't take it out on me, I am not your mother.

[Trialbyfire]

Between Freud's Oedipus Complex and misogyny, it's not surprising you react as such to him. Maybe part of the fascination is his ability to take psychodynamics to a higher level through cocaine usage.

 

Okay, that's two out of two that aren't jealous or have sexual interest of disinterest in the OP. Anyone else?

 

There's a purpose to my questions.

[grogster]

I think psychodynamic theory is too uncertain and philosophical for many clinicians to take it seriously. Say a doctor (one who derides psychoanalysis) is feeling depressed, sits down with a friend and the friend discreetly and successfully applies psychodynamic theory to help the doctor figure out why he's feeling that way. The doctor will probably attribute that to the friend being a natural people person who has good insight, rather than crediting psychodynamic theory for providing the friend with valuable helping tools.

 

I think an understanding of the main theories continues to be very relevant in the work of a lot of professional carers. Any time I've seen a parenting assessment compiled by an expert witness, there's been heavy reliance on psychonalytic or psychodynamic theory. I think those terms have become unfashionable, but still contribute strongly to the study of human behaviour.

 

Definitely take your point about the cultural contribution, though. Classic authors who were fascinated by the norms and quirks of human behaviour knew about projection, repression, denial etc before Freud ever came along and put names to such things.

 

I understand that psychoanalytical theory contributes to the vocabulary of human behavior and motivation. My quibble is that classic Freudian analysis is literature masquerading as science. It's mostly metaphor.

 

I'm an old fashioned Popperian. If an hypothesis is going to convince it must be testable. If its not testable, then its faith, not science. And it's not worthy of my time or space in my already overcrowded belief system.

 

Tara, I love your British empiricists and my American pragmatists. Empiricism and Pragmatism aren't sexy, but those unglamorous philosophies got it right.