sunshinegirl Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I have recently started dating around again (last relationship ended about 4 months ago) and am in the surprising position of having had good first dates with 3 different guys this past week. Good enough to agree to a second date with each of them. I want to be smarter about picking men - this time I'm really looking for character and values, and trying to avoid the unavailable and narcissistic types I have previously been drawn to & dated (to heartbroken ruin in every case). To that end, in these early early stages of getting to know these guys, what kinds of questions might be useful to ask them to give me a glimpse into their character/values? I do plan to ask about prior relationships, when/how they ended. I was also thinking about asking them to tell me about the important people in their life. Other ideas?
paddington bear Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Good luck...but people tend to lie...uhm...let's put that a little more kindly than that, people tend to show their best side when dating, so you're unlikely to winkle out all their potential faults and problems. Also, you don't want to get into a job interview situation while on a date. Anyway, to answer your question. I tend to go with my gut instinct. My first impressions usually are bang on. Even if I change those first impressions, what I first thought about someone is usually the thing that breaks up the relationship (if it was a negative impression that I ignored). It all depends on what you want. Do you want children, or more children if you have any. There's a question, maybe not a first date question though. Really though, I think you can ask all the questions you like but people reveal their character through actions. Does he call when he says he will, if he says he's close to his family do you notice that he couldn't meet you because it was his mother's birthday, stuff like that. And all that takes time, more than 3 dates, to figure out. I would advise any new dates, to purposefully take it slow so you can asess their character and try to do non-normal date stuff, how does your date get on with your friends, how does he deal with you when you're late for a date and so on.
Trialbyfire Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 No one can define your questions since they don't know what your values are. I agree with paddington, that people lie or hide real selves during the dating process and sometimes into a 5 year marriage... Ask your questions and state and uphold your boundaries. Make sure actions equate to words. If there's a discrepancy, believe actions 'cause actions create results.
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