BackonTrack Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I'm not sure why I am posting. I broke up with my ex so long ago, actually she managed to turned the breakup around on me n get the last word so I'm the one feeling hurt & rejected and pinning over her as opposed to her pinning over me. Anyway, Its been about 5-7 months since the official split but it ended way longer before that, almost 12-14 months ago she started cheating. anyway in that time i have not heard from her and for a time I was really down and depressed about 4-5 months. I'm still down, not depressed anymore but more than ever slowly realizing that its the past and life is moving on. I am not hurt or sad anymore, hell I don't even cry anymore or wake up thinking about her. These changes started to happen in the last 2-3 weeks though, so as of now, I just like 'Ok, it didn't work out, I have to find someone new' At the same time, thats it, I don't feel any which ways. I hope I find someone new, Its kind of sad I wasted my time on my ex, I kind of regret that relationship, I feel I gave more than I was getting & I feel like I blew lots of money on my last relationship and forgoed my dreams to be with her and she didn't want me. I wish she would of told me instead of pretending everything was OK, maybe then I would of made different life choices instead of signing a 1 year lease at this luxiours building because I thought she was going to be living with me. Thats 24,000 right there gone + another 6k on furniture. She cost me allot of money, not really her but I was planning a future for us, she didn't even know. It was a suprise, but I was the one who got suprised in the end. I regret my relationship, I honestly do. I wish I would of not got involved with her, everyone warned me but I didn't listen and I seen the signs but I didn't understand them or I ignored them or I told myself. In the end, she was acting really uncontrolable and I was going to get rid of her, she showed all the signs of not wanting to be with me but I needed her at the time, I let things go, eventually things came to light and thats when she really showed me how she felt. She didn't care about me. I wonder why she even bothered lieing and fooling me for so long. Maybe she was just bored. I loved that girl so much but when I think about it rationally, her actions man, her actions turns me off completely. That women was posion, I was nothing but nice to her. I wonder how I became the enemy, her mind was messed up, I think she blamed me for her un happyness. I tried to help her. I wonder if she will ever realize and if she does I hope she doesn't come back. I don't think I have a nice bone left in my body for her. I'm still curious about the no-contact though, hasn't reached out at all. In our last communications she honestly didn't care what I was doing. I wonder why she was so fed-up. I will never understand her. She confuses the **** out me but for whatever reason she somehows thinks I did her wrong. Hate & Resement started to build up, while at the same time she's having an active affair, thinking I'm doing the same thing. Well thats it, I have finished venting, I feel better and now I must contiune my day. I have no more words, she disgusts me. Fooled me good. I feel sorry for her husband, whomever he is, he's in for a whole lot of hurt. This girl is a wicked creature. During the course of the relationship, I thought she was my angel, wow I'm stupid and she was nice, something happen though, started to change, started to hate me, started to push me away, started looking for ways to break up with me, wanted me to break up with her, she's a coward. I am disappointed, I put my trust in her, I regret my relationship, nothing good came out of it, granted I did grow as a person but it wasn't worth it. It was not worth it. In the end, I guess she knew herself, she knew what was going to happen. She told me all the time. "this is going to end in flames" "i wish we never had sex, ths is going to mess up our friendship' mind you, this was when things were fresh, no problems, yet she predicted everything. totally destroyed me and her final lines "I couldn't be myself with you" "I know I did nothing wrong but deep down I feel guilty inside" then smiles, gets out the car and tells me to try to cut back on cigs and be nicer to my family. that damn whore, its like she doesn't think what she did was wrong. her brain is really messed up. anyway, thats it. i still don't believe she did that to me. i still can't believe it. i still can't believe it. I want to talk to her atleast one more time, I want her to apolgize, well she already tried but I stoped her. She shouldn't be sorry, its cool, I'm tuff, I can take it, deep down though I just want to hear those words now. I don't know why I care if she cares, it doesn't make sense but I do. I want to know she wonders about me, I want to know she still loves me but she doesn't. No conact in half a year? the verdict is in, she doesn't care. its hard to accept, someone you were so close too, doesn't exist anymore. like she was a ghost, she feels like a ghost, I have to remind myself she was real and she loved me, thats how long its been, I have to remind myself that she was real and I didn't imagine us, but she wasn't real, it was all a lie. Thats what I tell myself so I don't feel bad, it was all a lie, she tricked me the entire time, it was all a lie. Strange because even though I know thats not the truth, I am starting to believe it.
EmperorR Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 let it out let it out i know how it feels, i took out a loan for 17k to invest, so in a few years we would have enough for a condo, now the stock market is burning and she left me . And ya i know how it feels, its like the girl i knew doesn't exist shes dead and a imposter is in her body, not once in 3 years of being together was she mean to me cursed at me whatever but now? and the way she acts like the last 3 years never even existed.
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