Coping without your young little kids!!

[smileysmile]

How do you deal with the thought of not seeing your kids as much as you like?

My D is going to be 2 yrs old in November and I am forming a very close bond with her but when I have to take her back to her mums it kills me as it could be another 8 days before seeing her again. I work irregular shifts and I guess in current circumstances am lucky to see her more than if I worked 9-5.

 

Then it would probably be every other w/end. My STBXW lives 5 mins away by car. She has a rota centred around my shifts and her life and she wants routine. So I see my D on full days. That is between 9 and 11 hours for the day. I guess I am lucky to see her as much as I do compared to other fathers.

 

But is HURTS really does hurt and I feel deep emotional pain that I don't see her every day and get to put her to bed and see her first thing when she wakes up.

Now there is another man in the picture. I think its already been 2 weeks and she has had him stay over night though I took my D to her grandmothers house at 7pm so my D wouldn't be in the house at the same time. The next day Saturday, he was over in the evening but didn't stay. So my ex is doing the right thing here.

I am not coping well knowing that whoever he is will be introduced to my D eventually and that kills.

Is there anybody in my position? Teenagers are different. When they are young as my D they are so innocent. I don't want him to potty train her or change his nappy. That is my exes job. Anybody on here in my position or don't you care?

I know there are fathers in my position who feel the same as me. I don't think women/mothers really know what us fathers go through being apart from our kids. I give her lots of kisses and hugs when I have her for the day. She keeps me going through the tough days I have. I long for the next time I see her. I have to cope I have no other choice. I wouldn't wish the pain I am and have gone through on my worst enemy

[Rafa]

I don't have children, but i just wanted to say that I've always found it unfair on fathers who don't get to see their children as much as they'd like to after a split.

Until recently I was the boyfriend of a mother. I had to meet the father on several occasions and believe it or not I sometimes felt for him that he only got to see his little girl once every week, for a day or two.

At the same time it's difficult to be the boyfriend in that situation too. You do some of the father-type things, and a bond is created but you are never actually going to be the father and it's always him that they miss. It's quite difficult for everybody involved.

[smileysmile]

Thats interesting to hear RAFA. You have your reasons for no longer being with that lady?

 

I meant to add in my OP how does it effect the R between a man and a single mum of such a young child? Many take advantage because they think they maybe desparate and needy?

 

Many things come into it. How old is the man dating the single mum? The age of the single mum? How many kids does she have? How young are they? etc etc

My ex is an extremely attractive, sexy, slender, petite and intelligent woman. She has had men after say 5/6 mths dating (before she met me) who 'put there best foot forward' and then possibly they got bored because of the way they are, non committal etc etc so now at 37 (38 in Feb 2008) finds herself with a 2 yr old who is a joy I will say but like most kids her age very energetic and keeps you on your toes lol

So how would this feel that he is second best and always will be? We are talking several years before my D will be less dependant on my ex. My ex would like another child with a suitable man. I wonder how he feels about this. We all know when we are young and carefree dating is great. But once a child is involved who is not yours and they come first there is not going to be that 'dating' as such. I am not saying your life stops because you have a child. But is the man going to get frustrated?

 

I know there are good guys out there so maybe she has struck lucky?