WhatTheDuck Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Hey everybody. I've been looking for answers and I found this site so I was hoping maybe a few of you could help me out. My situation is like this. About 3 weeks ago, my now ex-girlfriend and I took a break from each other. We were dating for two and a half years, with two previous years dedicated to going after her until actually being together. She was my best friend. The first year together was great, the second year and a half were tough because I took up a job that ate up a lot of my day and I wasn't able to spend time with her as much as I used to. I told her I was sorry, but it was temporary. During this stretch we argued constantly and things didn't look too good. After the job ended, I tried to make things better like they were in our first year, things were moving back up at a slow pace, but this past summer she met a guy in school that took a interest in her. I told her that I didn't like this guy talking to her because I had this feeling he would ruin our relationship. She told me she wasn't really talking to him, but I saw them together once and it completely hurt me. They weren't kissing or holding hands but seeing them together after she told me to not worry about him cause she wasn't talking to him bugged me a lot. After a while, fall semester started and the break happened. Prior to the break, everytime I called her or texted her, she wouldn't reply until maybe the next day. It seemed like she didn't want to spend time with me either. But me being me, I decided to show her that I wanted to be with her. I sent roses to her work and offered to take her to Disneyland on a date. Her parents didn't know we dated for two and a half years, but they like me anyways and didn't mind me asking her out on a date. We had a great time, but doubt still filled my mind and it made me do something I never do. As she slept in the car, I took her phone and went through it. I found many texts from him to her but couldn't get the texts she sent him. It said things like "Baby, I miss you. I can't wait to hold you in my arms and kiss you again. I can't wait for you to come over again. I'll give you a leg massage. I love you." All that stuff. Thing was, those texts came BEFORE we even took a break and also after the break. I woke her up, told her I read one text and she went crazy. I asked her what she did with him and she told me that she only hugged him and he gave her a kiss on the cheek. She promised that was all. Right then, I knew I couldn't trust her cause she lied to me. I decided to cease contact with her and try to forget about the whole thing. I hung out with friends & family. Decided to drop some pounds (that I gained while with her) and got back into shape. Everything was fine for two weeks until a few days ago when she called me up. I decided to tell her everything I saw and she admitted to lying and cheating on me. The call ended with me telling her that I didn't want to see her, at least for now. On Thursday she called me again to meet with me at school. She wanted to tell me something so I agreed. She said she skipped class cause she couldn't take it anymore. She cried for about an hour and wanted me to take her back. She said she made a mistake and will do anything to prove to me that she wants to be with me only. She said that the other guy telling her he loves her made her disgusted and she only wanted to hear it from me. She got touchy feely with me, but I told her I couldn't give her an answer now. Just two weeks ago I was feeling great and justs moving on cause I figured she moved on so why should I care that much anymore. Now she's coming back to me saying all this stuff and it's got me thinking about. She said she wasn't intimate with him at all and she didn't let him touch her. I want to believe that, but what makes me doubt her is that she told me she felt disgusted about him saying that stuff to her and told him to stop yet I saw him writing "Baby" and "I love you" a lot in those texts. I send her one text and I get nothing back but there's like 15 texts from him in one day - all of them look like he was responding to her texts. I'm just confused. My heart and mind conflict with each other. Earlier today though she told me that I can have all the time I want to decide, she's done waiting (what was that like one day of waiting). I feel like she's just trying to make me say yes and I can't do that. I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm paranoid, but I did love her a lot and now I just can't think straight. There were more to those texts but what she's telling me now about them aren't really adding up. It's just that even now when I see them from afar, they aren't holding hands or kissing. They walk together and go in the same car at times for lunch...ugh, I just don't know. She also told me today that he asked her to dinner last night (Friday) and she agreed until her friend called her and asked her to go out, in which she lied to him and told her she didn't feel like going out anymore. She told her friend the situation she has with me and apparently called me right after she left her friend cause she wanted to see me. I didn't meet with her then. She keeps telling me that she made a mistake and wants me back. I just don't know... Maybe the answer is in my face but I'm so confused. Please help me out. If you have any questions I'll be glad to go into more detail.
WiseOne1 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Your a very stongmind person, most people on LS would be freaking out if there ex wanted them back. On LoveShack alot of people stress dont take your ex back until shes worked hard for it, or even expressed her remorse or sorrow. And your ex has, shes showed shes sorry and expressed how wrong she was. Still alot of people say dont take them back so soon, because it'll make them lose respect for you. "Not My Opinion" However before you do take her back, you want to settle the feelings and betrayal that you feel. It's gonna be hard on the relationship if your still not over her and the other guy. Yes she did cheat, emotionally! I dont know if she cheated did physically! But sooner or later they would have had no choice but to get around to it. I say take her back, but under 1 circumstance' she has to break it off with him. I mean NO Friends! NO Txt buddies! NO Nothing! Would you realy feel fine with her in a relationship and her still talking to him? If shes really serious about wanting you back, she should be serious enuff to see that hes only causin harm to your relationship.
Island Girl Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 She cheated on you and betrayed you. She created another relationship behind your back instead of working on yours. She is now trying to push you to make the decision to take her back. If she loved you, understood what she did, and were truly sorry, I think the conversation would be a bit different. She would be saying no matter how long it takes or what I have to do to earn back your trust I will do it because cheating is probably the hardest thing a relationship can endure. It CAN be done but it takes a whole lot of humility and empathy from the one who cheated. And a whole lot of strength and courage from the one who has been so betrayed. It is VERY VERY hard and most marriages don't stand after that.
WiseOne1 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 She cheated on you and betrayed you. She created another relationship behind your back instead of working on yours. She is now trying to push you to make the decision to take her back. If she loved you, understood what she did, and were truly sorry, I think the conversation would be a bit different. She would be saying no matter how long it takes or what I have to do to earn back your trust I will do it because cheating is probably the hardest thing a relationship can endure. It CAN be done but it takes a whole lot of humility and empathy from the one who cheated. And a whole lot of strength and courage from the one who has been so betrayed. It is VERY VERY hard and most marriages don't stand after that. Island Girl is right. She messed up, she has no right what so ever to say "im tired of waiting" if she really was sorry she would say "Take all the time you need". She has some nerve to try to make your rush back in a relationship. I think things like this can be repaired. But it does take a huge amount of empathy and understanding on her behalf, and so far shes started out badly.
Author WhatTheDuck Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Thanks for all of your advice! Yeah, she shouldn't be telling me to hurry up especially when she messed up. I tried to to tell her that but she's very impatient. It's something I'll need to really think about. She really killed off any trust I had in her, which was a lot. I really did love her. It's just been really tough with everything that has been going on for a while now. Everything she's telling me right now is something that I'm very hesitant to believe...
youngbuckkk Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I don't even see how this is up for debate. It doesn't take a genius to tell she's still not telling you the whole truth. Saying she was disgusted with this guy, they never did anything more then hug when the texts clearly say "I can't wait to kiss you AGAIN" and "I love you". Did you bring up those exact words? How the hell could she defend that? She's probably got bored with the other guy and now is coming back to you because you were there for her emotionally. But chances are if you do take her back easily or even at all, this problem will happen again sometime down the road.
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