rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 So I met a couple of girls tonight. Both very nice and cute, single and seemingly attracted to me. I was a little interested until I found out they both lived in the suburbs, WAY out in the suburbs, about 20-30 miles out from the city (They're in fairfax for those of you who are local to the DC area). This turned me off about them and didn't get either of their numbers. It reminds me of when I used to live out in Woodbridge/Dumfries (30+ miles outside DC) and how I felt that this had a negative effect in my dating but wasn't really sure until now. Any of you ever CHOSEN not to date a perfectly normal person because of their location? I'm talking about within the same metropolitan area, NOT something that would be considered a long distance relationship.
marlena Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 The chemistry just wasn't that hot for either of them. If it had been, you would not have cared how far they live. JMO.
Author rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 The chemistry just wasn't that hot for either of them. If it had been, you would not have cared how far they live. JMO. One of them I found quite attractive actually, but as soon as I started thinking about having to go all the way over to her place in rush hour traffic, my mind said... "what a hassle" I even thought about the last woman I dated.. she was smokin' hot, and if she had lived in fairfax, I don't think It would've been the same.
marlena Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 One of them I found quite attractive actually, but as soon as I started thinking about having to go all the way over to her place in rush hour traffic, my mind said... "what a hassle" I even thought about the last woman I dated.. she was smokin' hot, and if she had lived in fairfax, I don't think It would've been the same. You may have found her attractive but you weren't hit over the head with a feeling that you must have her AT WHATEVER COST!! And driving an hour to see someone is not a very high cost to begin with. When that head-over-heels feeling comes along you'd walk a hundred miles to be with that person.
ianandris Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I can't speak for others, but that head over heels feeling doesn't really happen for me until I've known the girl for some time. While I don't recall ever actually shutting the door on a prospect because she lived a little further out than I'd prefer, I can totally see it. Salt Lake is about 40 miles away from where I live, and I don't know if I could be bothered to start anything with someone who lived that far out. Plus, there are two universities where I live, so I'm not hurting for prospects. IMO, it just doesn't make sense to travel when there are a million opportunities right under your nose.
Bells Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 So I met a couple of girls tonight. Both very nice and cute, single and seemingly attracted to me. I was a little interested until I found out they both lived in the suburbs, WAY out in the suburbs, about 20-30 miles out from the city (They're in fairfax for those of you who are local to the DC area). This turned me off about them and didn't get either of their numbers. It reminds me of when I used to live out in Woodbridge/Dumfries (30+ miles outside DC) and how I felt that this had a negative effect in my dating but wasn't really sure until now. Any of you ever CHOSEN not to date a perfectly normal person because of their location? I'm talking about within the same metropolitan area, NOT something that would be considered a long distance relationship. ONLY 30 miles? That's about a 30 min drive. Thing is, the reason they come to the city, is because there' sno single people living the suburbs...smaller towns equal "People being bored and get married to their Highschool Sweethearts at the age of 18 and pop out 3 or 4 kids by the mid 20's " LOL
Bells Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 By the way, my dad met my mom when he was visiting a town...turned out the drive between him and her was about 4 hours....they've been married 37 years. But 30 mins...I don't know if I can judge you, but it seems that you're not willing to much effort into a relationship even if you were in one (but I could be wrong!) so feel free to correct me on that. :-)
Shygirl15 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 30 miles away is nothing, really. My current guy lives out in Stafford, Virginia, about 1hr 45mins away from me and it has never caused any problem to us as we have made arrangements that are workable to both of us. I have always dated this way anyway, all of my exes lived not less than 2hrs away.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I do not date across the river. It just ends up creating problems. Not only is there the distance thing, but there is the lifestyle thing. I have dated guys who lived in VA/MD and not one of them ever said they would consider living in the city. Since I don't want to live in the suburbs, unless I wanted kids which I don't, I can't see myself getting serious with someone who will never adopt my lifestyle.
sunshinegirl Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 30 miles away is nothing, really. My current guy lives out in Stafford, Virginia, about 1hr 45mins away from me and it has never caused any problem to us as we have made arrangements that are workable to both of us. I have always dated this way anyway, all of my exes lived not less than 2hrs away. 30 miles in an urban area with traffic is NOT nothing. It could easily take 60-90 minutes to drive that distance. I can relate to the OP. I had a date last night with a guy who lives 25-30 miles outside of my city, and I am wondering whether it would be worth it to start dating him given the distance and hassle. By comparison, my last boyfriend lived 3 miles away from me. Someone above said the chemistry is probably not that hot if distance becomes an issue - I agree with that to a large extent. I am interested in the guy from last night but not "omg I must be with him".
Author rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 You may have found her attractive but you weren't hit over the head with a feeling that you must have her AT WHATEVER COST!! And driving an hour to see someone is not a very high cost to begin with. When that head-over-heels feeling comes along you'd walk a hundred miles to be with that person. I agree with ianandris, I've never been head over heels over anyone before dating them. I have to get to know them before any strong feelings develop.
Author rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 ONLY 30 miles? That's about a 30 min drive. Thing is, the reason they come to the city, is because there' sno single people living the suburbs...smaller towns equal "People being bored and get married to their Highschool Sweethearts at the age of 18 and pop out 3 or 4 kids by the mid 20's " LOL Actually, where I live 30 miles in rush hour is closer to 1 hr 30 minutes. unless you're on the HOV lanes
Author rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 By the way, my dad met my mom when he was visiting a town...turned out the drive between him and her was about 4 hours....they've been married 37 years. But 30 mins...I don't know if I can judge you, but it seems that you're not willing to much effort into a relationship even if you were in one (but I could be wrong!) so feel free to correct me on that. :-) Well, I know people have done it. My question is, have you done it, or not? I made a conscious choice last night and was wondering if i'm in the minority or the majority... It's also whether or not you would DATE someone who is that far away, not whether or not to break up because of the distance.
Bells Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Actually, where I live 30 miles in rush hour is closer to 1 hr 30 minutes. unless you're on the HOV lanes Don't go during rush hour!
Author rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 30 miles away is nothing, really. My current guy lives out in Stafford, Virginia, about 1hr 45mins away from me and it has never caused any problem to us as we have made arrangements that are workable to both of us. I have always dated this way anyway, all of my exes lived not less than 2hrs away. Ok stafford is about 40 miles from washington DC. It's probably a similar scenario to what I'm putting out there. I dated a girl who lived in Takoma park for a year. this was about 10 miles from my house, not a huge deal but without moving in together the logistics started to wear our relationship thin... it didn't help that she hated my neigborhood and didn't spend more than 5 or 10 nights at my place during the whole 8 months we dated.
Author rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 I do not date across the river. It just ends up creating problems. Not only is there the distance thing, but there is the lifestyle thing. I have dated guys who lived in VA/MD and not one of them ever said they would consider living in the city. Since I don't want to live in the suburbs, unless I wanted kids which I don't, I can't see myself getting serious with someone who will never adopt my lifestyle. I think this was also on the back of my mind last night. I have a lot of friends who are just fanatical about the suburbs and VA or MD. they think living in DC is just horrible. I happen to love it and don't think I would want to leave the area unless I have kids (waaaaaaaaaay down the line)... I think having jen on the back of my mind didn't help things either
Author rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Don't go during rush hour! :lmao: Ok, why didn't I think of THAT! now that solves all of my problems!
Star Gazer Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 20-30 miles? I think you're being totally unreasonable. I once went on a date with a guy who mentioned that the last girl he dated lived in X part of down, and how it was way too far. It was 8 miles away, 8 minutes away without traffic, 20 with. I couldn't believe it, but it explained why he was single, IMO. Guess what? Dating IS a hassle. It's often inconvenient. But life is too, and the best things in life don't land on your lap without any effort. If you're not willing to drive 20 miles, you're probably not willing to put in much effort to your relationships either.
Jilly Bean Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Rod - its called being a GU. Georgraphically Undesirable. Totally valid and fair. I wouldnt drive as far as you are proposing to date someone (or want someone to, either). At that point, they're really a LDR! I like my guys to be close - the distance becomes socially prohibitive for me.
Lucky_One Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 20-30 miles? I think you're being totally unreasonable. I once went on a date with a guy who mentioned that the last girl he dated lived in X part of down, and how it was way too far. It was 8 miles away, 8 minutes away without traffic, 20 with. I couldn't believe it, but it explained why he was single, IMO. Guess what? Dating IS a hassle. It's often inconvenient. But life is too, and the best things in life don't land on your lap without any effort. If you're not willing to drive 20 miles, you're probably not willing to put in much effort to your relationships either. Ditto. You are going to stay single for a long time, bud! LOL! I used to live in Richmond and dated a guy who lived at Tyson's Corner. Fredericksburg was always a pain on the 95, but it was worth it. He was a great guy, and we really had some good times together - about 1 years worth. Had to move for work, and we couldn't make the LD thing work, though.
Shygirl15 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 lol.. sometimes I think people are just looking for reasons to remain single.
shockandawed Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I think it totally depends on the situation and the stage of life you find yourself in. At middle age, I find myself a little more open to a few miles. After my divorce, I stuck primarily to dating right within my metro area. My kids were younger and it was impossible to juggle all of that. Now, my son who lived with me f/t is off at college and my daughter stays at her Moms during the week. I travel some for work, so seeing someone close by or an hour or two away really doesn't make a big diffference now. In fact, with my travel, someone a little farther away who doesn't expect a nightly visit is somewhat appealing. Also, since I work from home when I am not on the road, I am somewhat relocatable at this point should Miss Perfect come along who isn't. I have went out with two girls recently, one lives within a mile or so, the other right at 100 miles. Guess which one has my interest? For me at this point in life, I would rather find the right girl and work out the logistics than settle for something because of convenience.
Isolde Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 H'm, I always felt that by limiting dates to a small geographic area like the suburbs of a particular city, people were really limiting themselves *shrugs* I found this post interesting though cos some of the guys that turned me down lived semi-far from me (half hour or 40 min train commute away?) and though I thought that was nothing, it may not have been nothing to them. Every situation and lifestyle is different BUT I can't help feeling some of you guys are missing out by being so picky: she MUST live within 5 or 10 miles, she MUST love oral sex, she MUST watch football... etc etc If you have to date someone before knowing if you click, then you'll never know if you might have clicked with these girls, right?
torranceshipman Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Lordy, this post is so crazy! People here are saying an hour drive is too much to date someone? It makes me feel lucky because clearly I AM lucky to have had (in the past) that 'i'll move heaven and earth to be with you' relationships...man, driving an hour wouldve been nothing-I'd take 10times that for the right guy, without a second thought. Mind you I do agree that if you arent head over heels, then you're less likely to accept a situation with any inconvenience attached to it.
Author rod_in_gtown Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 Keep in mind the Original Post... I'm not talking about head over heels or relationships. I'm talking about meeting someone in a random situation (party, club, mall, amusement park) and then you find out they live very far from you. My thought process is not "she's not worth the drive". My thought process is, "I want to be able to devote myself to a relationship with this person, not a commute". I won't live more than 10 miles away from work, and I HAVE to go there every day during rush hour. I guess I'm being more practical than anything. When I met my ex-wife she lived almost 1000 miles away (Miami). That didn't stop me from proposing a couple of weeks into our relationship... I'm talking about DATING...
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