ohhmyandrea Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Excuse my sarcasm but Im completely fed up with the lack of commitment my other half is displaying. I understand fall semester of college. I understand him branching out. But I also understand that we will die if he doesnt commit some time to us. I dont ask for much. But when I text and dont get a reply... I get irritated. When I call and am automatically sent to voicemail.. I get irritated. Then on top of that the excuses I get.. Oh, Im writing a paper [acceptable] Im playing Halo... [every second of the day?] Im going to take a nap [HE SLEEPS A GOOD PORTION OF THE DAY!] I just got done with Rush week.. Im going to sleep.. [Why he would need a nap after resting for what seems like a good 13 hours of the day is beyond me] Any ideas on what to do? Im fully committed to us it is just SO hard.
Island Girl Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Well depending upon how many times this happens in a day or a couple of days is telling. That is the missing piece of the story. Because if it goes on like this, you're right, there will be problems and if it has gone on for a while or several times a day then there is a problem developing already. LD is hard enough without the added doubt seeds planted by this kind of behavior. We had to agree on some ground rules within that first year or so because there was a lot of crap like this that would happen or - on my end I lacked follow through and that REALLY pissed him off because he was hurt. And when my man is pissed he gets callous and flippant. Just keep in mind that HE should be reaching out to you and showing you he is thinking of you and cares about you. I hope you aren't doing all of the calling since you should be doing almost none of it. And be careful of allowing texting to be a main avenue of communication. You should be important enough that he can make time for an actual conversation.
Author ohhmyandrea Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Yeah. Its been going on like this since i got back from my visit at the end of August. Then it was less and less frequent now I go to sleep in such a huff because I'll stay up until 2 maybe 3 in the morning for him to call for a three minute conversation that ends with "Well, I've got to be up early to go watch a soccer game..." I feel awful for getting mad because I don't want to force him to 'fix' us if its avoidable. I'm terrified to lose him. We've talked about our futures together and I'm supposed to be moving up there in December but the way things are going.. I think I might call it quits before then. I definitely believe that I deserve more when it comes to priorities in his day. I dont ask to be number one.. Just not last on the list. Maybe he just spoiled me before making phone calls whenever he had spare time. Now he has none.. and I'm just stuck 500 miles away pissed off... :/ You're right though. I shouldn't be the only one communicating. From now on, that's his deal.
Island Girl Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Maybe he just spoiled me before making phone calls whenever he had spare time. Now he has none.. and I'm just stuck 500 miles away pissed off... :/ You're right though. I shouldn't be the only one communicating. From now on, that's his deal. That would be the best plan is let him communicate -- I seem to call at the most inconvienent times so I guess I should stop, hang up and then don't call him. It is going to be hard -- but not for as long as you think. I would advise you getting a couple girlfriends lined up to fill the time until he calls. Do everything you can NOT to be alone because those thoughts racing around is hell. BUT: If he cares he will go through a bit of the panic feeling you are feeling now, and he will get a heart wrenching taste of "I DON'T WANT TO LOSE HER". And there you go. You WILL feel a sense of empowerment and when he calls you DON'T answer at first. If he texts, don't respond right away. He will more than likely respond right away because you have never done this before and you normally would call him in that time period - he'll probably freak pretty quickly. If these things happen he will be more aware of how he acts in the relationship and you can get better communication going again OR -- and this is the big one - you will know if he is drifting away and not communicating with you for his own reasons and you can gracefully move on to find someone who can find a few minutes out of a day to say I Love You in some way, shape, or form. Although the words are often said - love is truly in one's actions. Your actions say: I will no longer tolerate you treating as insignificant His actions should say: You are NOT insignificant
Krajt Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 And be careful of allowing texting to be a main avenue of communication. You should be important enough that he can make time for an actual conversation. Oops. I seem to be doing this, it's not that I don't want to phone her, I just feel uncomfortable on the phone. I have some of the problems as the OP, it takes my girlfriend hours to reply to some of my texts and by the time she does, I've forgotten what I text her. Communication is key, ergo - you should tell your boyfriend that you are unhappy with his level of commitment.
XNemesisX Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Your situation sounds all too familiar to me. My conversations are always cut short with my boyfriend playing a video game or doing something else with one of his buddies, taking a nap, resting.... I don't see how someone can rest so much but when his friends want to do something he seems to suddenly have energy. He may be like my boyfriend and not be a fan of talking on the phone but in a LDR I don't see how else the relationship can survive. I get very irritated by this same type of behavior. I think maybe they take us for granted. My boyfriend did not act like this at the very beginning and I'm sure yours didn't either.
americanlady Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 time for a visit. PERIOD.. face to face communication time act fast.
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