dazed.1 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I am so torn apart right now. I know I have to end my almost 3 year long relationship. Things have not been good for me lately, he isn't as commited to this relationship as I am and he is just not giving me what desire in a partner. He talks a lot and makes a lot of promises; he tells me how much he loves me and how I am his world, but actions speak louder than words and he hasn't done anything to make me feel like this is true. He has actually done things to make me feel the opposite... Not only this but I have lost my trust for him. He didn't cheat or anything, but he has done some things (just too long of a story) that make me feel like I can't have blind faith with him like I used to. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make and I am completely distressed. I love him so much but he just can't/won't give me what I need to be happy. I don't want to cry anymore. But I am so scared about how I am going to miss him: miss kissing him and holding each other and how good that stuff felt. This is something I have to do, I guess I just need some support. I know he is going to try and convince me to stay but I just can not compromise myself any longer. I need to stay strong. I am so scared. Any words of comfort would help greatly right now....
EmperorR Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 the ball is in your court, i wish i was the one who did the dumping maybe I wouldn't feel so bad.
9Lives Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 give us the details of what is making you unhappy. What is he not doing?
superd Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Heres the answer: justice is the only thing that should be blind.
Author dazed.1 Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 the ball is in your court, i wish i was the one who did the dumping maybe I wouldn't feel so bad. Really?? Then it sounds like you have a pretty immature outlook on relationships! Afraid for me it is not about dumping or getting dumped, its about doing what is right for my life and my happiness, since that is all I have control over!
9Lives Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 What is the details for what was bothering you? We need to know to help give you advice
Author dazed.1 Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 give us the details of what is making you unhappy. What is he not doing? Well if y ou read my prior history you will get the full extend but basically here is it: We are in a ldr for about 6 monthes, but have been together almost 3 years. He moved back to where his parents are (~1000mi away) to prove to them that he could still be a part of his family and be in an interracial relationship (as they didn't approve since I am a diff. race...their culture is really focused on family so there approval is important to him). Since he moved back he broke up with me once because his father gave ultimatum and he chose them. About a month later he called begging for me back. I told him I didn't trust him anymore and that if he wanted to get back he would have to rebuild that trust. He made promises about moving back here with me, then changed his mind about that but started saying he would at least stop working for his dad so that he could be financially independant from them, which he didn't do, he said we would book trips once a month to see eachother but it is only happening about once ever 2-3 months, he says he is building a life there for us so that when I am done school I can come there and we will have a house etc already but he takes to steps in geting his own place. Basically everything he claims he will do to keep me in the R and keep me happy, he never ends up doing. As if all that wasn't enough, just to boot, he is in Las Vegas this weekend with some old college friends instead of coming here to see me...he told me the trip was with his dad for some kind of business but I know he is lying since I saw msgs on Facebook to his friends saying things like "oh can't wait to see you in LV". I asked him about this but he claimed that they will just happen to be there at the same time as him....I call bull****...but either way, I don't trust him anymore. I am way more commited to this relationship than he is and I am so hurt by that. This was supposed to be the guy I was going to marry. We had a wonderful...I mean WONDERFRUL R while he was here for almost 2.5 years, but we just don't have that anymore and I can't see that it will ever be that way again as his priorities are elsewhere. He left me once, I don't trust that he will not do it again and I am not willing to wait to find out.
Author dazed.1 Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Heres the answer: justice is the only thing that should be blind. Okay I guess it wasn't 'blind trust'. I got to know him and we had a wonderful R for 2.5 years and that is why I hade COMPLETE trust in him during that point.
WiseOne1 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Really?? Then it sounds like you have a pretty immature outlook on relationships! Afraid for me it is not about dumping or getting dumped, its about doing what is right for my life and my happiness, since that is all I have control over! Not really. Look at every single last thread on LoveShack, dumping first normally gives you the upperhand, its not about hows going to dump or be dumped. Its one of those strange things but thats just how life is, everything doesnt make sense, and everything doesnt have a explanation. You say hes hurting you and not showing you the love he should be. Trust me, if he dumps you and gets a new GF, you'll be all over him. You may not agree, but thats just how things work. Anywayz your are a very smart person I see, get out why you can! See your steps above the average LS poster, most of us let these Red Flags go past us, but you actually notice the Red Flags and you pay attention to them.
Author dazed.1 Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Not really. Look at every single last thread on LoveShack, dumping first normally gives you the upperhand, its not about hows going to dump or be dumped. Its one of those strange things but thats just how life is, everything doesnt make sense, and everything doesnt have a explanation. You say hes hurting you and not showing you the love he should be. Trust me, if he dumps you and gets a new GF, you'll be all over him. You may not agree, but thats just how things work. Anywayz your are a very smart person I see, get out why you can! See your steps above the average LS poster, most of us let these Red Flags go past us, but you actually notice the Red Flags and you pay attention to them. Thanks! But... If he dumps me and gets another gf? What are you talking about...that is not even close to being what is going on in our situation. You have a very immature mindset when it comes to relationships, that is not being rude it is just how it seems to be, maybe you have only ever been in immature relationships and that is why you think that way. I don't have the upper hand, I would have the upper hand if we were both on the same level with the same commitment...right now I feel like I am at a huge loss, even if I break the relationship.
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