shayna Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Met with the ex to get the remainder of my stuff out of his house today. Had waited a long time to do this just to get myself away from the house and its memories. Anyhoo, it didn't go well to say the least. I thought I was doing a bit better these days (apart from dreams of him that I can't seem to stop and of course missing him like crazy but making do as best as I could). But then he told me today he had been on a couple dates with and contemplated seeing a woman who is very close with my close friend Sarah (not her real name of course). Mind you, this woman is not a friend of mine (only an acquaintance through a few shared friends) but I tried to explain to him that this would be very difficult not just for me (because I still have feelings for him that I admitted to) but for Sarah too (who knows how I feel about the ex and would probably feel stressed between the two of us). Why is it that exes just don't seem to understand that dating within our shared realm of friends is hurtful, inappropriate, and just plain asking for difficulty to ensue? I guess it isn't working out between them anyway, but he said that things may change. Yes- I'm being selfish and honestly wish I didn't feel this way- but with all the folks in this world- why does he have to pick a woman who I see really often alongside our shared friend Sarah? I'm so let down by myself- its been 15 months already (we were together for 9 years) and I'm still not there- not even close! My own dating scene is... well... non-existent. Thanks for reading- I just needed to vent.
nickelinadime Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 This is a toughie. Most people in general will seek out who they are attracted to, regardless of their status. Of course, close friends are generally off limits and anyone with morals knows this. People you barely know, or know casually through friends, are not. 9 years is a long time to date someone, possibly you were even married, but my best advice is to stick to no contact and to try and get out there and meet guys, at your own pace, of course.
Issues & tissues Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I'm so let down by myself- its been 15 months already (we were together for 9 years) and I'm still not there- not even close! My own dating scene is... well... non-existent. Thanks for reading- I just needed to vent. If it's any consolation, my ex and I were together for 10 years. He broke up with me on 1 Jan this year. It's been some 7 or 8 months since I last saw or spoke to him. Have been on strict NC. This has really been the key to helping me through these last months. In your case, it may be difficult not to bump into your ex ocassionally if he is dating a mutual acquaintance but I would strongly advise you to break off any contact with him (unless of course you have children). The less you know about him, the better. PS Have no ambitions of dating again (or at least not for the foreseeable future!)... I suppose I am enjoying the "me" time too much!
Author shayna Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Thanks you two I know I have to keep away. It seems whenever I try it though I can't stick to it after a few weeks because I get so lonely and it doesn't help that almost all my friends are married now or are in the process of. I have no good reason to go back even if he gave me the opportunity (which he wouldn't I'm pretty certain)- he'd have to change his emotional constitution and that's just not going to happen. I just hate being so alone. I have plenty of friends and activities and work but why is that not enough? I love being a part of a couple- I love being loved. Sigh. I was expecting so much more from myself. I guess now I have a better understanding of women that stay in abusive relationships. Mine wasn't the classical physical abuse but instead emotional I guess- it was a constant struggle when always left in the dark about his true emotions (he is very stoic about personal things) and wondering why he wasn't proposing after 9 years...
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