My wife of 2 months cheated on me.

[feelingconfused]

My wife and I were married only 2 months ago. We have been together for almost 2 years previous to that. We didn't live together before getting married, but practically.

 

We haven't had the ceremony yet, it's scheduled to happen in a few weeks. But we are officially married. She had sex with a guy she met a few weeks ago. It's some friend of a friend. She told me that I wasn't there for her. That she didn't think I loved her anymore, and that our sex life wasn't as good as it used to be.

 

I know that some of those things are true, to an extent. I had been distant lately, and she is in between jobs. But I thought we were working through all of those things.

 

3 nights ago she left home because she said she needed some space. I put up a fight, but she was determined, so I let her go. I get home from work the next day to find most of her stuff gone and her ring on the counter. She said she needed us to separate and she would let me know when she was ready to come home.

 

I was furious. I called and I called.. And I called some more. We talked for a while, but I couldn't get her to come home. I got suspicious and so I checked her email. And I found some emails between her and this guy. She told him I was "oblivious" to it all and how they had such a great time making out. Nothing about sex but.. I should have known.

 

I called for hours after that, but she had turned her phone to silent. So I suffered through the night wondering what was going on. When she woke up the next morning and found out that I knew, she came home and we talked.. She told me that they had only kissed and that she was very sorry and etc etc... She told me they had no sexual contact and that she didn't love him.

 

Well... Silly me, I believed that. We talked about how we could start re-building trust. Counseling and etc.. We talked about how she was feeling and what feelings caused her to do this to us.

 

Well.. The next day (today), I get a bunch of disgusting emails from this other guy... Talking about all of the great sex they had and he described my apartment to me.... Apparently he helped her move her stuff out and that's it. She deleted all of the messages that he sent me, so I can't confront her about most of the things he said.

 

I confronted her about this and she admitted that they did in fact have sex. They had sex the night I found the emails. They used a condom, but she gave him unprotected oral sex.

 

I flew off the handle and punched a hole through a closet door. I told her I didn't think it was going to work and I needed her to leave.

 

Now I'm alone in my apt, wondering what the hell to do now. Her parents are out of town, so she can stay there. She just told me that she is going over to this guys place right now so that she can confront him about the nasty emails.. I don't know if she's breaking it off with him or not.

 

I've already made a fool of myself even more by pleading with her not to go over there.. To give me time to think about things without having to worry about her going over there. But.. She's going.. We'll see what happens.

 

What makes all of this so bad is that she has lied to me before. From the beginning of our relationship, she was addicted to vicodin and I didn't know. She didn't tell me until about 7 months ago while I was away on a business trip. She told me that she was trying to come off them while I was away so I would never know. I forgave her for it and we worked through it. I was able to trust her again until this... And then she lied about having sex with him when I confronted her about it the first time.

 

Even after all of this, I feel that she is a good person. All I'm writing about are the horrible things she has done. I believe that she has a good heart and.. despite everything I still feel love for her.. Even in my confused pathetic state. She is clinically depressed, or bi-polar.. The doc is still figuring it out I guess. She started taking a new drug called Abilify and.. I don't know if that has anything to do with it.

 

I feel in my heart that I want to forgive her. But I don't know if I can do it. I feel like the king of fools for even considering forgiveness. Especially since this afternoon, before I found out the whole truth, we had makeup sex.. Now I have to go to the clinic because of my wife... It seems like too much humiliation for me to handle.

 

And we have the ceremony to consider... She says that if we have to cancel the ceremony, then it's not worth it to stay together. So I guess that's pretty definitive... If I choose to cancel the ceremony anyway. We are going to discuss all of that tomorrow.

 

I've rambled enough. Any comments are welcome.

[porter218]

So you guys have only lived together for 2 months??

That makes me wonder if she has been doing a little cheating throughout the whole relationship but wasn't getting caught because she didn't live with you. If she can't even behave in the first 2 months of living with you then I doubt she ever will.

 

And we have the ceremony to consider... She says that if we have to cancel the ceremony, then it's not worth it to stay together. So I guess that's pretty definitive... If I choose to cancel the ceremony anyway. We are going to discuss all of that tomorrow.

:confused:

What is this?

[troubadour]

Fellingconfused... it will sound rather harsh but the only ceremony for you to consider is a divorce. I am sorry man but... if she has already started sleeping around... there is no future for your marriage. Regardless what she is saying it is clear that she does not respect you at all. It will only get worse.

[angie2443]

You have no kids. Run! Get a divorce and save yourself and possible future children from serious heart ache. I've seen these stories before. If she is cheating this early, she'll cheat again and again. Find out why you were drawn to a person who is prone to cheating and work on yourself so it won't happen again. Good luck.

[feelingconfused]

So you guys have only lived together for 2 months??

That makes me wonder if she has been doing a little cheating throughout the whole relationship but wasn't getting caught because she didn't live with you. If she can't even behave in the first 2 months of living with you then I doubt she ever will.

 

:confused:

What is this?

 

We got our marriage license signed a few months ago. The actual ceremony is not for another few months. The reason is that her parents are very traditional. She felt pressure from them to be married before living with me. So she then put pressure on me to do. And I agreed. I mean.. I had already chosen to marry her when I proposed.

[In Like Flynn]

Shes going over to the OM's house to confront....not because she has been kicked out and has nowhere to sleep....RIGHT!!! She is going over to the OM's house to confront....not just call him......RIGHT!!!.

 

Does she expect you to believe this??? Call her parents and let them know what a skank they brought up!!! Most skanks have divorced parents so you will probably have to make teo calls!!!

[SoulStorm]

Sorry that you find yourself in this situation.

I realize that I am an outsider just looking in and I don't have the feelings you have for this woman, but I believe that relationships should be based on honesty. I know people don't necessarily tell about all the skeletons in their closet when they meet, but I believe you should so the person has an idea of what they are getting into and if they choose to pursue it. Your "wife" has lied to you from the start. I also realize that this could be due to her bi-polar disorder. Are you willing to put yourself through the heart-ache and frustration that is going to be dealt to you because of this?

 

Look at the turmoil you are in now. You are the one that has to decide if you are willing to go through it. It is a heavy heavy burden to deal with someone with a bi-polar disorder. I currently have a co-worker whose wife is bi-polar and he is catching h@#@ with her if she doesn't stay medicated.

 

It has different stages from mild to manic.

 

If I were you I would concentrate on rebuilding myself.

 

Go to the gym, exercise get a hobby and I wouldn't pursue this anymore.

 

She has basically told you that if you cancel the ceremony then the relationship may be over. It's probably just a wolf ticket or scare tactic. She is in no position to be making boundaries. That alone would be enough for me to show her that my life would be just fine without her.

I am at a different stage in my life than you are and what I am saying may be not be what you want, but do you want to live a life of not being able to fully trust her ever again? Can you live a life like that? I cannot and will not. Life is too short to ride the misery bus to the grave.

[feelingconfused]

Shes going over to the OM's house to confront....not because she has been kicked out and has nowhere to sleep....RIGHT!!! She is going over to the OM's house to confront....not just call him......RIGHT!!!.

 

Does she expect you to believe this??? Call her parents and let them know what a skank they brought up!!! Most skanks have divorced parents so you will probably have to make teo calls!!!

 

You make a solid point. The very logical side of me (normally in control), can see that what you say is very likely. But the emotional side(currently typing), just wishes that she could be telling the truth.

 

Whichever one is correct, I know that I do still love her. I don't really take pleasure in calling her names and insulting her at the moment.

[SoulStorm]

You make a solid point. My the very logical side of me (normally in control), can see that what you say is very likely. But the emotional side(currently typing), just wishes that she could be telling the truth.

 

Whichever one is correct, I know that I do still love her. I don't really take pleasure in calling her names and insulting her at the moment.

 

She's lying to you..point blank. It's not primarily about emails..she wants to see him..that may be harsh, but it's real.

[whichwayisup]

She told me that I wasn't there for her. That she didn't think I loved her anymore, and that our sex life wasn't as good as it used to be.

 

Sorry to say this, but she isn't ready to be married. She has no idea how to communicate, and she handled her insecurity about how you felt about her in a crappy and selfish way. Instead of talking TO you, she chose to cheat on you. Right now, she doesn't have a clue on how to make a relationship work, let alone a marriage and BE a wife.

 

I know you love her, she probably loves you too, the problem is, her maturity level.

 

Put the ceremony ON HOLD and either go to couples counselling (marriage counselling) together IF you want to give her a chance to make it work, or end it. Walk away, and heal.

 

You deserve love, but is she capable of giving you that love? Open, honest and pure?

 

She has issues too, that SHE needs to work on, so her choosing to cheat is NOT your fault. It's hers and hers alone. She owns that. She is bi-polar and needs med and therapy - BUT that is not an excuse to cheat.

[Bryanp]

I think you need to take a very hard look at yourself and ask yourself why would you continue to love a woman who totally humiliates, disrespect and shows total distain for you as a person. It is time for you to get out of the fog. She has been sleeping with this OM behind your back and if you believe that she only used a condom after giving him oral sex then I have a bridge to sell you.

 

Open your eyes because you are in the fog. You should seek an annulment as soon as possible. She has you twisted around her finger with you begging her to come home after she has been having sex with this guy only 2 months after being married. Now she has to see him because he sent you the truth about the emails?...Oh please.

 

If the roles had been reversed do you honestly think she would be begging you to come home to her? Her actions and words indicate she has totally no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

 

Imagine meeting another person in the future who truly loves, respects and values you as a trusted friend and spouse. Isn't this what you want? Why are you wasting your time with somebody who is a cheater and a constant liar. Two months after being married?.......You would have to be a total baffoon to even contemplate staying married to her. Enough is enough! Seek an annulment!

[feelingconfused]

I decided that her choice to go over to his place was the final straw. It really does show a complete lack of respect, maturity, desire to save marriage, etc etc...

 

So I told her to come get what she needs for the next few days.. And leave me her key.

 

I'm going out of town to stay with some close friends for a while.

 

Thanks for the tough love.

[porter218]

Well thank god you haven't had the ceremony yet. She is probably one of those women who are in a rush to get married just so she can tell people she is married and doesn't understand what it stands for. Consider your relationship with her a learning experience and move on. Be glad you didn't waste any more time with her.

 

Best of luck to you!

[signedin2008]

Sometimes, in life, we have tough and hard decision to make. Sometimes, things are not black or white. Your situation is NOT one of them. I am all for saving marriages. But, seriously, if you have any logic left in your mind, you will do the right thing for yourself.

 

You're supposed to be in this honeymoon stage, but instead, she is cheating and lying to you. What will happened 5 years down the road, when there are some tough times? What about 10 years down the road when there are 2 todlers involved?

 

Do you really want her to be the mother of your children? Can you really get over the humuliation of having to check for STD days before the wedding? Will your wedding day be joyful or would it be shame, sadness, and pain? Is that the wedding you want, and most importantly, is that the marriage and life you want?

 

Only you know the answers.

[feelingconfused]

I guess I didn't finish that last thought on my previous post. (been a hard night).

 

I told her I was filing for divorce and she agrees. And said she doesn't contest any assests "we" have. So I'll start down that road.. Later. But soon.

 

So... That's about it. I even detected a bit of relief from her when she dropped off the key. I can see that this is the best that can be done right now. I did all I could and it is pretty obvious that now is the time to cut my losses.

 

Now I get to switch gears from emotional wreck to technical legal stuff. I guess I never considered that transition before. It really sucks.

[Sup]

I decided that her choice to go over to his place was the final straw. It really does show a complete lack of respect, maturity, desire to save marriage, etc etc...

 

So I told her to come get what she needs for the next few days.. And leave me her key.

 

I'm going out of town to stay with some close friends for a while.

 

Thanks for the tough love.

 

Call her parents while you're at it, and let them know what their daughter has been doing. I'd do it as soon as possible, before she calls them and turns them against you, in either case, they'll stand by her, but, at least they won't be snowballed by her too. I'm sure that you have their number in case of emergency's, don't let her know that you're gonna call and tell them she's been screwing another man! This is an emergency! I'd do it tonight if I were you! Let her feel some pain!

 

Call off the wedding cerimony, and if anyone asks, tell them the truth out right, how dare her blame you for her affair, that's called blameshifting, all cheaters do it!

[Deegee]

BE STRONG...Once she realizes what she's done, then the waterworks are gonna start. Unfortunately, she's in the honeymoon stage with this dude. THAT'S how she was able to have sex with this guy, and not even think about you.

She is not good for you. Count your blessings that you had no children. I know that it's hard, but get rid of the bad so that the good can come in to your life. EVERYONE deserves that.

Good luck my friend!

[bish]

My wife of 2 months cheated on me.

 

Oh my man, nothing more to say. Get an annullment and quick!!!!

 

Go to your nearest attorney and start the paperwork.

[Lucky_One]

Please don't leave anything really valuable at your place, if you are letting her go pick some things up while you aren't there - like a TV, stereo, computer, watches, guns, etc. Many a person has cleaned the other guy out while taking "just a few things".

 

I wouldnt' call her parents while they are gone, but I would tell them face to face that you are cancelling the ceremony bc of her feelings for another man and bc of a lingering Oxycontin addiction. They are going to love her regardless - she is their daughter. And her sex life is not their business. It sounds like this girl is really immature and has a LOT of problems, and she is going to need their support for the Oxycontin alone.

[Owl]

My wife of 2 months cheated on me.

 

Oh my man, nothing more to say. Get an annullment and quick!!!!

 

Go to your nearest attorney and start the paperwork.

 

Exactly...this doesn't require a divorce...it requires an annulment.

 

No concern about assets in that case either.

 

And...I agree with the other posters about being very careful with your assets at this point...you've admitted she's addicted to Vicodin, as well as cheating on you.

 

Odds are VERY high she'll end up stealing some of your stuff to sell.

 

Change the locks TODAY.

[username24]

Sorry you are here brother. Normally I am an advocate for trying to reconcile. In this case I am 100% behind your decision for divorce. She is clearly not ready for marriage. Stay strong through this process. If you ever start feeling yourself wanting her back, remember the horrible things she did (and is probably doing right now) with the other man.

 

Good luck to you

[Sup]

Please don't leave anything really valuable at your place, if you are letting her go pick some things up while you aren't there - like a TV, stereo, computer, watches, guns, etc. Many a person has cleaned the other guy out while taking "just a few things".

 

I wouldnt' call her parents while they are gone, but I would tell them face to face that you are cancelling the ceremony bc of her feelings for another man and bc of a lingering Oxycontin addiction. They are going to love her regardless - she is their daughter. And her sex life is not their business. It sounds like this girl is really immature and has a LOT of problems, and she is going to need their support for the Oxycontin alone.

 

 

They should know about her sex life in this case, after all, she cheated on her husband with this scumbag! They should know the real reason they're Divorcing! And it's because of her! She needs to face some consequences and responsibility for her actions as well, by having her parents know how much of a HO they have for a daughter!

 

Otherwise, she'll never learn not to bang the first guy that comes along that pays attention to her, like she'll learn anyway!

[Gzus]

Feelingconfused - really sorry for you bro. But leave her cheating ass for good. Tell her parents why. Dont EVER let her talk her way back in or your damning yourself to a life of those kinds of nights man.

 

Seriously, I know you are in the fog right now, but trust me, this is not the person you want to be with your whole life. She will make your life miserable.

 

And as a final act of restoration of self respect (and to settle the accounts), I would pay a visit to the dude who was ballsy and disrespectful enough to send you those emails. And I would **** him up royally. If you arent big/strong enough, take some friends. Hell if you live close enough, I'll help you. And if you dont do that, he's always going to know he 'got' you (by getting your girl to screw him) - he was gloating in those emails about his conquest, sounds like and was trying to make you feel like a bitch. Now you need to make him feel like one. Sorry but that's the hard truth.

 

Good luck to you friend.

[feelingconfused]

Just wanted to thank everyone for the sound advice, and give a little update.

 

She's still staying over there. I've accepted that she's totally ****ed in the head.

 

Started the paperwork with my attorney today. She can't afford an attorney of her own. So that's good.

 

I would love to get an annulment. Unfortunately, in my state you can't in this case.

 

She has agreed to treat it like an annulment however. What's mine is mine, what's hers is hers. The attorney is drawing it up as such, and the papers are being delivered to her parents' place. She says she will sign with no conflict.. We'll see.

 

Just changed the locks today. She got the **** she wanted to get without stealing anything. She is still on the lease, but I'm working on getting her off. The problem is that she has to come sign off on it with me. So I'm trying to play nice for that.. I might be able to get her to sign off on our joint bank account too(mine anyway).

 

To the people thinking I should go kick his ass.. Well, I feel you. I'm an athletic guy, but I've never been in a fight. Also, I did some research on this guy and turns out I know of him. And he's ****ing crazy. My only solution would be to use a weapon on him and then I'm going to jail.

 

They are their own punishment.

[Reggie]

Nice work. Really good , levelheaded stuff, which is tough in this situation. Beleive me, you are lucky to be out.