watermeloncandy Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 im just curious what you all would do. my ex has anger managment problems, amongst other things... he really needs to get himself sorted out and get help. if he doesn't i worry about what will happen to him and the next woman in his life... i was thinking about what i would do if i saw him out on a date... i guess because i know that first he's lied to me about not wanting to date (but i know he's now actively looking for someone else), and second he needs help and shouldn't be dating someone else (he even told me he needed to sort himself out first) right now...i would have half a mind to go right up to them and tell her all about him. or do i leave them alone and hope he doesn't put her through what he put me through..although i know he will... i'd just feel like i should 'warn' her about him... this is hypothetical..i haven't seen him out with anyone, but there is a slight possibility it might happen at some point. i guess too i kinda wish his ex had pulled me aside and warned me...might have saved me a lot of heartache....i would have remembered her words the first time he showed his anger... ugh...
westrock Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Nothing will be gained by speaking up. It's up to the new woman to decide whether or not his behavior is acceptable to her. Focus on moving forward in your own life.
citizen67 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I think if you were in a situation where you could warn her w/out going way out of your way to do so, I think it would be the right thing to do. She probably wouldnt listen though. She'll assume you are bitter. My ex starting dating someone else in my bldg, and I saw and was with him after he got w/ her and he lied to me. Since she's right here WHERE I LIVE when I found out about them I put a note under her door saying I used to date him and he's a cheating liar and he lied to me about you. I gave her my # and said she should call if she wanted to discuss it. She didnt call me and they are still dating. Fun fun fun for me. He'll screw her over eventually though - always does
0hpenelope Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 You know... you just can't really tell with people. If he treated you the way he did, it doesn't mean he'll treat the new girl the same way. Past behavior is usually indicative of future behavior. True, true... but there's always, always that possibility that there will be one person that will stand out and he won't treat her the same way. Sometimes, staying silent is the choice.
JamesM Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Say nothing. First, ohpenelope said it correctly. Who says he has not learned from his mistakes? Yes, he could be the same with the next woman, but he could have changed. People do. Second, looking back you can say that you wish someone had told you, but would you have believed that person? I am guessing that your first inclination is to think that the ex is simply bitter...especially if you did not see such behavior yourself. And third, what is your motivation? While you may say that it is to protect the next woman, is it? Or is part of you wanting to get revenge? Are YOU somewhat bitter? So again, stay silent.
Ingenue Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I'd stay silent about it. Most likely the new gf will construe your warning as an attempt to sabotage the current relationship than out of a concern for her. While the likelihood of your ex changing isn't a guarantee, he could conceivably have learned from his mistakes and could be taking steps to control the anger.
Author watermeloncandy Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 i think my wanting to say something would be a combination of everything - yes, i would want to get back at him since he lied and said he wouldn't date so i'd want to try to sabatoge him (immature i know), and i really would feel bad for her if she went through what i did. and also, i highly doubt he will change...he's been this way for 30 years...he has a lot of work ahead of him to change and it wont happen quickly. and i know that once he gets another woman in his life, in all honesty, he will probably not seek help anymore.... he'll suppress his anger and road rage for the first few months and then it will come out again... i just hope he doesnt hurt someone. i guess keeping my mouth shut sounds like what most would do, but i'd feel terrible if something happened to the new girl early on in the relationship and she had no idea he could be like that, then it would be too late... but i guess i can't control him and what he does and if that does happen, well it isn't my responsibility.....although others might argue that i 'should' have warned her if i had the opportunity, and 'why' didn't i, etc if something happened....
Treasa Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 No. He's in your past now. Leave him there. Let his new girl find out about him on her own and make her own decisions. You never know - maybe things will work out between them. By the same token, maybe he'll treat her poorly too. But at that point it's her call and her relationship, not yours.
westernxer Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 i guess keeping my mouth shut sounds like what most would do, but i'd feel terrible if something happened to the new girl early on in the relationship and she had no idea he could be like that, then it would be too late... You can befriend her after they split up, since you'll both have a lot to talk about. LOL
Author watermeloncandy Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 You can befriend her after they split up, since you'll both have a lot to talk about. LOL i saw his ex girlfriend (the one before me) on facebook and was VERY tempted to send her a message asking her if she wanted to get together for a coffee - i'd love to know how she put up with him for 6 years..! hopefully i'll never run into this situation so i wont have to deal with it - but if it does happen, i'm sure i'll just keep my mouth shut...that's more like me than causing a scene or cornering the girl in the bathroom...
westernxer Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 i saw his ex girlfriend (the one before me) on facebook and was VERY tempted to send her a message asking her if she wanted to get together for a coffee - i'd love to know how she put up with him for 6 years..! He must have the mojo most women find irresistible.
Author watermeloncandy Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 He must have the mojo most women find irresistible. it's that "i'm so incredibly charming at times, it makes up for when i'm a d*ck" mojo, so women stay around thinking 'he'll change when he see's he's going to lose me....' ugh. i can't believe i am one of 'THOSE' women now...never again...
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