zazue Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Today is very bad, so I'll write here instead of crying. Read my other post's for the full story. So yesterday STBXH called and asked if he could come and get some clothes. I said sure. He came and took very little. He said he would be back on Monday for more. I can't stand him to be around. It hinders my coping and healing process. He was acting so meek and nice. I just sat at my computer, didn't give him eye contact, gave un-emotional answers to his questions. He told me out of the blue that there was just to much water under the bridge for us to stay together (like I asked for that conversation). He said I would probably never forgive him, and would bring it up over and over if we stayed together. I said yes you are right, this divorce is the best for both of us. Stopped him short. He looked stunned. When he left he started walking towards me, I knew he was going to try and kiss me, so I said please don't kiss me, and turned my head. His kiss landed on my temple and he said too late. Uhg! So I decided I was going to clean out my closet, and bag up every piece of his clothing, so there will be no more excuses to come by. I wasn't emotionally ready for the contents of that closet, picture's, clothes bought on our various vacations, things I gave him. I am a wreck. I can barely face it, and I'm only half way done. Deep breath, just writing this all down has made me feel better. It doesn't matter how much one needs a divorce. Those deep emotions from living 23 + years with someone don't just magically disappear.
GreenEyedLady Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 I'm sorry that you're having a bad day and just wanted to let you know I care. I don't have any advice for you except that eventually life gets better and your heart heals. ((HUGS))
Author zazue Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 I'm sorry that you're having a bad day and just wanted to let you know I care. I don't have any advice for you except that eventually life gets better and your heart heals. ((HUGS)) I just got done cleaning out the closet, and our dresser drawers. I was nice, folded all his clothes, took care to make sure I treated all his clothes with respect. I took a break after I wrote my post. I went for a nice drive. Dropped off some kitty litter, and pet food at a friends house. She works at a no kill shelter called Noah. I am very involved in animal welfare, feral cat spay & neuter, fostering (hand raising in my home) feral kittens so they can be adoptable. The shelters call me the cat whisperer. She and her husband are marriage long friends of me and my STBXH, and they also (well the Husband) have been trying, at my request, to reach out, and emotionally support my STBXH. So after my original post, I gave myself a break, tried to distract myself from my feelings, came home and finished a very hard task. I'm proud of myself. All of my clothes are now where STBXH were. My closet looks fabulous. Other good friends called while I was sorting through the reality, and I have a wonderful son who stayed home for two extra days, even though all his lifelong friends left to go back to the college they all attend together yesterday, just because he cares. I'm okay, I made it through. Thanks again for replying GreenEyedLady.
iluvpink Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Hi Zazue Hugs to you - i am in a similar situation and i think that being married for 21 years to being separated is so difficult to get used to. Some days i'm happy and then bang i hit rock bottom again i think it's the time factor of being together for such a long time. Everyone says it eventually gets easier so lets live in hope. Best wishes to you and your future.
PWSX3 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 It is good to hear you took the high road. You respected his cloths & folded them nice, & that should make "you" feel good. I am also in the starting stages of a divorce, the stbxw moved out and left the place a miss but that didn't surprise me since that is one area we differ in. It does make you feel good when you clean up, put things back the way you want them. Soon it will be your place & start to look like you want it to be. Just think of all the extra room you will have? Yes you will have your ups & downs, the other evening I went to the store & as I was walking in there was an older couple walking out holding hands. I don't know how to explain it but it made me hurt to know that I wasn't going to be doing that anymore with my stbxw. Those are some of the little things that hit you when you aren't expecting them. As hard as it is at times, try to always think positive & do things for you.
Issues & tissues Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Hi Zazue, I know how you feel right now. I packed up all of my ex's stuff when he left me earlier this year. As painful as it was, I found the process of packing his stuff therapeutic and at least gave me some control over the situation i.e. "You may be the one choosing to leave, but I am the one choosing to let you go!" Congratulations on passing this very important milestone.
Author zazue Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 :)It's like we're all in one big divorce boat, and were taking turns passing around life preservers. It is very helpful to hear from others who are going through, or have been through the same thing you're going through. My house is much more neat and clean, because that's the way I like it. I don't have to spend half my day cleaning up other's messes, and that feels good. I have support here, and loads of friends and family that I haven't overloaded with my divorce talk (I save that for here). I am better off. I know there will be more rock bottom days ahead, but I also know that there will be good days too. Thanks again to you all.
LostHusband Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I've had many rock bottom days, but some days it does feel much better. I too have found it therapeutic to change my house around to my liking. The other day I spent several hours just peeling off old "flowery" borders that were all over my walls, then I threw a bunch of doilies away - no more flowery stuff for this guy! Makes me smile when I see things the way I want them for a change. I had one room that was suppose to my own room, with my computer and desk, TV, etc - and even that one I had to tear off all those flower borders! Now I finally have my own room - no make that my own HOUSE!
Konfuzion Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I can totally relate, one second I feel like I am on top of the world and nothing can bring me down and then in the next moment I feel like crap and I don't know what brings it all on.
Author zazue Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 I can totally relate, one second I feel like I am on top of the world and nothing can bring me down and then in the next moment I feel like crap and I don't know what brings it all on. You have a right to feel a little crazy right now. I can be relatively happy, and then burst into tears over nothing. I don't let my STBXH ever see me fall apart. I let him think I am very happy that this whole mess of a marriage will soon be over. Little by little you will heal. I had a dream about my STBXH, it was actually a good one. I woke up and turned towards his side of the bed, and was actually startled that he wasn't there. You will heal in time. Try to do the things that make you happy even if you have to force yourself. Eventually it will become second nature to just think about your happiness.
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