jj33 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I also missed the manic depression. This is a lot. You are riding the wave of the manic depression. She wont take her meds if she does take her meds she shouldnt drink anyway... she does whatever she can to lift her mood tests you pushes boundaries .... blames you. Its a lot of drama but of course most of it is not her fault. She is sick. She is very lucky to have someone as understanding as you are. And so devoted to her. But she has to want to help herself too. She has to be committed to treating the manic depression, taking her medicine and doing whatever else she needs to do to cope better with it. Otherwise you will be on this roller coaster forever. And what would you do if you had children and she wasnt taking care of herself. As painful as it is, this may be a good opportunity to sort out a lot of issues in your marriage. Being married to someone with MD can be a real challenge.
rod_in_gtown Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 You two are married, you took vows. "Till death do us part" should still mean something. You're both not perfect, nobody is. You knew that going into your marriage. Now tell her to get in there and work it out. you have to promise not to put yourself in that situation and so does she. Eveyone hits rough patches. This is one of them.
Author xxjxjxx Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 to clarify the incident. threesomes were brought up never followed through with them. one night we talked and she said she wanted to again and told me to choose one of my friends, which i refused. so she messaged some of her friends and mine about this after i said i wasn't going to do that. The friend at the club she had mentioned shed have a threesome with but it was not scheduled for that particular night just up in the air i guess you would say. Then the story goes as i began it with my opening post in the beginning. We were all drinking heavily at our home when we decided to go to the club. I would dance with my wife and she would put me between her friend and cousin which i repeatedly walked away from. She kept pushing me back ( not literally forcing me don't get me wrong, but smiling and influencing me that it's ok and encouraging me to just have fun)... it had happened all throughout the night... eventually my wife put me and her friend together as she danced with her cousin. in all honesty i don't remember this part of the night at this point but it obviously happened. Me and the friend were dancing to multiple songs in a row when she grabbed my hands and was moving them up and down her legs in a sexual way and then i was kissing her neck while looking my wife in her eyes. Then walked up to my wife when she said she needed to go to the rest room which her cousin joined her... when my wife came out she refused to talk to me which i was lost as to why and we all left. My wife wouldn't ride next to me so her and her cousin rode in the back as me and the friend were up front. We all went home and my wife went straight to sleep... i then sent the friend and cousin home... days later i finally found out what had happened because my wife was leaving me over the incident. As far as the manic depression goes she has lots of ups and downs and it got really really bad which caused us lots of problems nearly a year ago. I took a 3 1/2 week vacation with her so we could just get away and get through things. She offered to take meds but things got better and i quit pushing the subject, which now, i'm realizing i shouldn't have done. She's agreed to take pills once again and we were going to get some but due to hurricane ike we evacuated the day of her appointment. It's been a roller-coaster with her but i hope everything works out. I love her with all my heart and i just wish i would have walked away when i had the chance. We're currently waiting on a doc office to open for her meds and still waiting on the marriage counselor to get back to us. I guess right now patience is a virtue because only time is going to tell. It's just hard when someone's so indecisive about things.... i've found letters where she's written talking about how shes trapped by a husband that wont let her go for his own happiness and she only stays because she wants me to be happy and then... not even a day later she'll be in my arms telling me how happy and lucky she is to have me. I guess im at a loss as to where to stand with this whole situation because im at fault. I cheated, regardless of how it happened i'm in the wrong. As to whether or not i should just tell her to leave i have no idea. Is this her manic depression or does she just want to leave? Sorry to keep ranting about this whole situation, I'm just utterly lost at this point... thanks for everyones help and thoughts it truly means a lot
jj33 Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Im not sure you really cheated. You knew she wanted to do a 3some. She wanted to do it with that friend and then she pushes you on the friend at the club... Its unfortunate it happened but hte blame does not all rest with you. And as she is unstable its not easy to discuss with her. You probably already know the problem with people who suffer from MD is that when they feel good they dont want to take the meds and they must take them all the time regardless of how they feel. I really feel for you. Its a very difficult situation.
carhill Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 I've found letters where she's written talking about how shes trapped by a husband that wont let her go for his own happiness and she only stays because she wants me to be happy and then... not even a day later she'll be in my arms telling me how happy and lucky she is to have me. I guess im at a loss as to where to stand with this whole situation because im at fault. I cheated, regardless of how it happened i'm in the wrong. As to whether or not i should just tell her to leave i have no idea. Is this her manic depression or does she just want to leave? Sorry to keep ranting about this whole situation, I'm just utterly lost at this point... thanks for everyones help and thoughts it truly means a lotYou sound a lot like I was when in the midst of taking care of my mentally ill mother. Reality was entirely situational. I had no point of reference. I doubted my own perceptions and often doubted my ability to make rational decisions. I called it "caregiver dementia". What I'm hearing from you sounds a lot like what I said, except your situation is compounded by your love for and commitment to your spouse. IMO, if she gets the meds and therapy she needs and the two of you get into MC, and find that, absent this present chaos, that you really love each other, you'll have to make a concentrated, daily commitment to that. It's going to be really hard, IMO, likely one of the hardest things you'll do in your life. I hope a good outcome for you
The Collector Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 Yeah, I think you were pushed towards your wife's desired threesome, then she recoiled and is putting all the blame on you. Don't let her shift all the blame on you. Tell her you thought you were doing what she wanted. Tell her you were both wrong to be playing with fire in such a way (you've already apologised and alcohol is a mitigating factor), and both move on knowing that threesomes aren't right for you.
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