Some time on from split and still not moving forward.

[MrEELB]

Hello.

 

I hope as a new member it is ok for me to be posting this so soon.

Following on from this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t163517/ which I posted some weeks ago I feel I still dont seem to be moving on.

 

I know every one has a unique mind set and way of dealing with things, whilst I wake up every morning thinking of my ex and go to bed every evening thinking of my ex I hate it, it is literally driving me round the bend.

 

What happens from here, now nearly 3 months on, Im living between houses, both my mums and also the home in which me and the ex had together but what ever I do there she is in my head.

 

Am I making it worse as i blame my self for things mentioned in my original post? Also by pushing her away and not being there for her.

 

Am I feeling rubbish as she already has a new fella who I believe she is already living with?

 

So many questions pop up yet most have no answers. However seem to lead to further questions.

 

In my original post I said I felt I didnt want her back. I still believe that to be right but the whole future scares me some what. All my friends are settled with there own families. I am just here. Im worried I wont meet some one new as I feel I have confidence issues. I am worried I will be left alone.

 

All the above seems to be coming from a very down person, however in my self I do feel good. Done some great things since being apart like a first flying holiday which I got back from only a few days ago. Feel happy when I am with my friends and family. I just guess I am worried that Becky my ex is still very much present in all my thoughts and yes I guess it hurts knowing she is with this new fella.

She is also running of the rails in my eyes and I know I should not care, she has quit her job, moved in with a fella I know is bad for her. Why do i receive texts from here every few days, yet when I say she is now with some one new she should not be texting me she says "Oh I can text who I want"

 

I was hoping some one could post up some experiences or advise as being my only relationship from school I just dont feel I am coping so well.

 

Thanks

Lee

[Ronni_W]

Lee,

I'm sorry that you're hurting.

After all is said and done, it comes down to doing a better job of managing your own thoughts -- you are the only person who can do that.

 

It's about pushing out the thoughts you don't want -- just being really firm and rejecting those thoughts -- and bringing in thoughts that make you feel better. It takes effort, patience and time to master, but you can do it.

 

Cognitive talk therapy may be helpful, and/or mindfulness meditation, and/or using positive affirmations & visualizations.

When I was going through a similar thing it was suggested to me that every single time I noticed an unwanted thought, I say, "That thought does not serve me...I delete that thought..."

At first, it sounded and felt retarded...but I was desperate enough to try it...and it did a really good job, to my great and delighted surprise .

 

Good luck...you CAN do it!

[Warm]

Hi Lee. I'm in a very similar situation to you. 3 months on after a 9 1/2 year relationship since university. All i can really say is hang in there and maybe start doing the things you used to love doing before you were in a relationship. For me it means going back playing and making music. I have to have a new goal/focus in my life to move on and this is it. I hope you can find something too. You have to start giving yourself an upgrade of some kind!

 

I'd also advise giving meditation a try to help you clear your head. It has worked wonders for me.

 

All the best dude. I feel for you.

[MrEELB]

Hey thanks for the kind words.

I am sure I will get there to. I guess some days are good and some days are bad.

[EmperorR]

i feel like garbage again, i just contacted her after 2 days nc, and she was so mean and coldhearted to me,, I said i guess this is the last time i talk to you or see you again so I just wanted to say bye, all she said was goodbye in the most coldhearted tone ever. I felt like a knife went in my side, you do everything for someone treat them better than you treat themselves and yet your nothing but garbage to them.

 

I don't think i'll find someone unless they come up to me, and eh i wouldn't really care, I never want to feel this way again, i'd rather be single than having through go through this again.

[MrEELB]

EmperorR, That for one is some really negative talk. I do genuinely feel horrible within my self. But once I am able to turn the page on this chapter (Which I add is huge and seems never ending) I cannot wait to start a new chapter.

 

I always felt whilst I was with her I'd love to go clubbing every Friday and be a Male Slut, but you know what, Thats not me at all. I'd rather go out for a meal with some mates or down the pub, or during the day do stuff like go to the Zoo or when we were out in Lanzerote visited the volcano tour. I loved it. I took loads of photos and will have them for the rest of my life.

 

I do really mean that once I am able to meet some one new (And I hope I do) that I can share these great things with them, take them along to things I enjoy and later on think of a family.

 

I am finding it hard to move on as my starting post states, but seriously I cannot wait until my head clears.