NA118 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Hey, Im too devastated.. I'm living unbearable pain since he left me in that way I loved him more than anything in the world, I was ready to give up anything for him. He was the one that I wanted to spend my life with. He left to Paris for his summer vacation with promices that he will be in touch, well he did for the first 10 days only!!! I gave him his space during this time but things started to change. He sounded to different, the lovely person disappeared and a monster came out. During this time I found out I have tumour in my breast, i didn't tell him because i didn't want him to feel upset, while he was enjoying his time. I could'nt stand seeing him changing, even his face expressions said it all on the web cam. So i asked "what wrong", and believe it or not I could sense the joy in his tone when i asked that, he started to yell at me!! "SELFESH", he ment by selfesh that I dont want him to enjoy his time!!!!!!! I was like whaa...!! The other day I asked if selfesh was a right thing to be said to me, he repeated it and was throwing mean words, pushing me till i said " your stupid, i hate u" he hunged up. I apologized via text messages and emails with no reply, although I knew deep inside who started it all. On my birthday he greeted me, i flyed on the clouds when he did that cos it ment he forgot our fight. the other day i found an email telling me wants to end our relatonship!! I told him how much i love him and that i didn't mean what i said before, he said :"Noone told me before your stupid, It's all over, leaving you is like eating terameso cake"!! So i told him that i have tumour, and that's why I used to be in a bad mood, he said " i'm sorry to hear that, and dont send me a gift on my birthday because i wont be in Parsi, Im so happy without you" My head was about to blow off when he said that, I kept asking him on emails: why did u do that to me, tell me it's not you, did u just leave me for saying"stupid", but no answer. Moreover he was posting funny comments on his pictures with friends in Paris as if nothing happened, and deleted me from his list!!! My tumout turned to be NOT cancer my family was so happy, but the news to me was so normal. I'm sitting with myself now asking 1000 of questions, why, why, why. repeating our relationship tape on my mind trying to get an answer. Above all the qs is why did he greet me for my birthday if he was so hurt of "stupid", a friend told me he intended to do it so when he break up the next day i will go crazy. and that what happened, he left me with a huge pain, im to devastaed I can't believe how he turned to have a stoned heart!! I'm to confused and feel rejected, I was a real shoulder to him when he needed me, and It's not fare at all, i dont desrve it. I need an explanation, just one and i will be satesfied with!!! Please help me.
Angel1111 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 It's a little difficult to piece together the whole scenario you're trying to get across here but I will say that telling your significant other that they're stupid and that you hate them are VERY harsh words and are usually dealbreakers. I think that if someone I loved said that to me, I would leave them. You may have felt justified but some things just shouldn't ever be said if you want to maintain a relationship with someone. Also, don't ever assume that an agrument or a fight is forgotten just because the person's behavior suddenly becomes nice, or if it's never discussed. When we say things that we wish we could take back, believe me they hurt the other person very, very deeply - along with the realtionship - and those are wounds that sometimes never heal, even if they stay. On the other hand, he has likewise said some pretty awful things to you and those are words you're likely to never forget. Even if the two of you get back together at some point, neither of you will forget the things that were said that can't be taken back. And it will be hard to get past. I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know it must be devastating. I don't really know what prompted the whole argument to begin with. If he was becoming distant, then he may have been trying to antagonize you so that you would end the relationship. Men do that a lot whe they want out. I think he found a different side to himself in Paris and, as personal as that feels to you, it actually isn't. Except that you're the one who pays the price. I think he may have never really known freedom before and is discovering a new phase in his life. The thing is, he could've handled it differently, could've been more honest with you about it, and a lot less mean and cutting. Again, I'm so sorry. It must be even harder because you can't have a face-to-face discussion with him about it. So sad.
Author NA118 Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 He was pushiing me to the fight so when he left i was the one who felt guilty. When people get angry they say words they dont mean, he was planning it all, we survived fights before and get togother stronger. Anyway thnx..
Treasa Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Why would you be hurt over losing his guy? Between his awful spelling and grammar and his insults, he sounds like a 3rd grader. And not a terribly bright one at that. Count your blessings, ignore him, and find someone better. This guy is NOT worth your pain.
Ronni_W Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 I'm glad you got good news about your health -- sometimes such a scare can help one gain a proper perspective about what is truly important in life, don't you think? I agree with you and with Treasa that you deserve so much better than what this guy ended up offering you. Quite honestly, the specifics of any reasons and explanations don't change the ultimate fact...he stopped feeling for you the way he used to, then he acted like a jerk about it, and then you retaliated in kind. When you did that, YOUR own heart had also turned to stone. Now, it is about making yourself satisfied with the fact that you won't get the explanation that you want, that you are still the same person as before (just acted out of character during the end of your relationship), and that you CAN heal and move forward from this. It just needs to be a decision that you make for your own future happiness and success. You do NOT need him to be happy and successful, is what you must want to deep-down know, believe and accept for yourself. Sending hugs and healing vibes.
Author NA118 Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Treasa yes I agree, that what I exactly felt by the end of the relationshp (talking to a child). But sometimes the truth hurts. Ronni_W That what i heard from my friends "whould you prefer to have a cancer or to lose the jerk". But I guess I'm in a "situation of denail", I don't want to believe that such feelings are easily to disapear as if they didn't exist. -------- Thanks,
almost famous Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Why would you be hurt over losing his guy? Between his awful spelling and grammar and his insults, he sounds like a 3rd grader. And not a terribly bright one at that. Count your blessings, ignore him, and find someone better. This guy is NOT worth your pain. To be fair, I think English is not their first language.
Treasa Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 "Noone told me before your stupid, It's all over, leaving you is like eating terameso cake" Regardless of language, this is one of the most immature things I've ever seen someone else say to another. I wouldn't want this dude back.
Angel1111 Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 He was pushiing me to the fight so when he left i was the one who felt guilty. When people get angry they say words they dont mean, he was planning it all, we survived fights before and get togother stronger. Anyway thnx.. In this situation, I do think he wanted the relationship to end because he was becoming distant and mean, but he was too immature to know how to end things kindly and in an adult manner. But for future reference, though, just remember that no one made you or him say anything that you didn't allow yourselves to say. No one can antagonize you to the boiling point unless you let them. Take responsibility for the things you do and say because this will affect you in future relationships. Don't make the mistake of continually wounding relationships because of harsh words because they are very, very hard to take back, and the damage is very, very hard to undo. Taking responsibility for our actions doesn't mean beating ourselves up, it just means that we recognize it and learn from it. You're hurting because it always hurts when relationships end - even if they needed to or even if it was for the best. It just hurts.
Ronni_W Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 But I guess I'm in a "situation of denail", I don't want to believe that such feelings are easily to disapear as if they didn't exist. The good news about KNOWING that you are in denial is that you now have the information and the means to get out of it and back to your reality. You do have the necessary intellect and insight to just keep reminding yourself that ALL feelings are transient -- that is their nature -- and that even feelings of love can fade. But, of course, it's not that they never existed. Of course they did exist at one time. Consider, when you were a kid and you got angry over something -- you're not angry about it anymore but that doesn't mean your angry feelings didn't exist back then. Positive feelings are the same -- they come and they go.
wopbamboom Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I honestly feel for you <3 Your ex sounds absolutely horrible, I know you two probably shared some great times but I cannot believe he's being so rude and disrespectful. The things he's emailing you are downright nasty and if thats the way he chooses to be you can do much, much better (not that thats any comfort right now). You have your health (thank goodness your tumour wasn't cancer) and thats the most important thing. Good luck
almost famous Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 "Noone told me before your stupid, It's all over, leaving you is like eating terameso cake" Regardless of language, this is one of the most immature things I've ever seen someone else say to another. I wouldn't want this dude back. You probably don't understand the subtleties of language, however, but that's OK. Colloquialisms in different languages don't always translate. In their first language, it probably makes more sense. Having studied languages, I understand this.
Treasa Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 I took several language classes in college. I understand subtleties. Calling someone stupid in any language is a dealbreaker to me.
Author NA118 Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 hey, I want to thank all of you for the help. Ronni_W Your analysis really makes sense. Since there is a debate on my language, I want to apologize for my bad English. But I’m glad that some of you got the meaning. But that does'nt conceal the fact the he sounded like a child, and treated me so bad. --------------------------------- For some of you who thought that I made a mistake by calling him "stupid" I just want to tell them yes i did, but i didn't reach that point till he had pushed me to a madness point. So we share the same amount of guilt. My main shock was that there was a possibility for me to have breast cancer but still he acted like a jerk! If he really loved me he would understand that I was going through tough times (him being away+ my health condition). I guess non of you noticed the scenario: - Being normal for the first 10 days - changing - changing to the worst - Starting a fight+ provoking me - Not speaking to me - Sending me nice words on my birthday - Breaking up the next day!!!!! in such awful way!! As i mentioned before we survived fights that were harder for both of us. He planned for everything, i just know it. But I believe that everything happens for a reason, maybe what happened was for my best.
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