selena_cat Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 hello everyone I just want to say thanks for all who has responded to my weak moments of breaking NC. Today i finally snapped back to planet Earth I like everyone who is hurting from a break-up and end of a friendship/relaionship believes contacting the x will make the pain go away,it really doesnt. Point is why should i contact someone who hasnt made the effort to contact me, especailly in almost a year And especially if they are the one who broke it off,and also in my case-was a real jerk about it. If i break NC,i'm on 6 month but whose counting, what would it really say to him, ohi can have her anytime I want,maybe i shoudnt care but I do,\ maybe in time this will be natural not to care Anyway,i'd likre to hear what anyones opinion about NC ,whether its the answer to self-healing, reflection, maybe them miss you,or a way to get self-respect and more preferably the Dumpers respect. During my last interaction with him,it was obvious that all respect from him towards me was lost because i settled for the friendzone which was win win for him but lose lose for me. It just said i settled for anything,so when i refused, and things got really bad I wonderif I did the right thing,and also bothered me that i dont hear from him either. Anywy, heres the website below if anyones inerested in reading more on NC just wanted to share it,but i rather anyone's opinion on whether its the best option whenere there are none.. Thanks! look forward to hearing from all of you again, http://www.freewebs.com/feelnfree/thenocontactrule.htm
BCCA Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 It's all how you approach it. If you walk into it with a plan, and can truly handle any reaction you get, then it can be healthy. Sadly, if you walk into it with expectations, you might get hurt. Sometimes, if for no other reason than our own growth, it's good to come face to face with the situation and see it for what it is. No one owns your self esteem but you. You dont have to feel like theyll think less of you, because you shouldnt care if they did. Each and every person, relationship, and situation is different, so you should always just go with your gut.
Ingenue Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 I think what's important with NC and breaking NC is that both are undertaken for ourselves to heal ourselves. All too often, we worry what others will think of us if we break NC or if we haven't initiated NC. For me, NC is all about me. As the dumpee, I instituted it to heal and am healing. And when I break it, it will be when I'm ready to break it. I'm not going to fret what my ex will think of me if I break it. I'm not going to be concerned that he's going to think less of me when I decide the period of NC is over. Nor will I feel ashamed of breaking it when I've done so at a time when I am at a good mental state. NC has always been about me, my feelings and my use of it to heal that intense hurt. When I am prepared, both emotionally and mentally to speak to my ex again, it won't matter to me what he thinks of it. I can only control my own feelings and perceptions. I've long learned that if we live our lives fretting about what others will think of our actions, we've ceased to really control the one thing we can. I will state one caveat. The only time I would worry about breaking NC is if I was the dumper. I would ensure that my ex was mentally prepared to speak to me by allowing him to contact me. It's the least I can do for someone I love.
Author selena_cat Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 Thanls BCCA and inginue,hope i spelled it ight Its true,not to worry so much about what the ezx thinks i heard so many opinions from friends,and family that says,no you dont want to break NC,it makes you look weak. Funny thing i couldve broken it,we both were online the same time,he didnt talk rto me,i didnt talk to him,usually i get dissapointed and sign off right away but this time i stayed logged on,chatting w/whomeever,and not breaking NC,it hurts b/c he would be one click away but whay should i be the one to do the pursuing, \BCCa is right,listen to your gut. That gut instinct told me i wasnt ready,i dont think i'll ever be
Intergalactic Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Thanls BCCA and inginue,hope i spelled it ight Its true,not to worry so much about what the ezx thinks i heard so many opinions from friends,and family that says,no you dont want to break NC,it makes you look weak. Funny thing i couldve broken it,we both were online the same time,he didnt talk rto me,i didnt talk to him,usually i get dissapointed and sign off right away but this time i stayed logged on,chatting w/whomeever,and not breaking NC,it hurts b/c he would be one click away but whay should i be the one to do the pursuing, \BCCa is right,listen to your gut. That gut instinct told me i wasnt ready,i dont think i'll ever be i know how you feel selena_cat. my ex is often on facebook at the same time as i am (and i refuse to use msn), and it is hard to see him online and not speak. however, i know it will be harder to bear if i DO speak to him and the conversation is ****. just think - he hasn't deleted you or blocked you! this means you can take as much time as you need to make it okay for yourself, and then speak to him. it's hard for me to understand that sometimes, and when my ex doesn't message me even though we're on at the same time, i think "why won't he speak to me?". and then i remember that i asked him to respect my space, my need for NC, and i said that i would contact him when i am ready. and i remember how much more i'll have to say to him in 6 or 12 months time after not speaking to him all that time! and i look forward to getting to know him again when we're past this hurt.
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