bubblegum Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Here's the scoop: We broke up a few weeks ago, I ended it with him because of trust issues, but he immediately turned it around on me, which is fine, he always did that in arguments so I wasn't surprised. Then he would call and text all the time, I'd say let's meet somewhere to talk about things, he'd only want to come to my place, I'd say no, in public so we remain calm and all that, he'd refuse. He eventually agreed to meet at a bar/restaurant, we tried to talk but it was clear he didn't really want to talk so we left and he wanted to come over but I said no. His texts were then angry at first, then started being nicer but flirty and suggestive, so I ignored him for days, until he sent one one day that was cordial and sharing some news that had nothing to do with "us" so I responded, and then he abruptly ended the text exchange with telling me to have a nice day. I was surprised it didn't lead anywhere else. I haven't heard from him since. Now I'm missing him. Grrr.......... help!?!?!? What's going on?
complication Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Here's the scoop: We broke up a few weeks ago, I ended it with him because of trust issues, but he immediately turned it around on me, which is fine, he always did that in arguments so I wasn't surprised. Then he would call and text all the time, I'd say let's meet somewhere to talk about things, he'd only want to come to my place, I'd say no, in public so we remain calm and all that, he'd refuse. He eventually agreed to meet at a bar/restaurant, we tried to talk but it was clear he didn't really want to talk so we left and he wanted to come over but I said no. His texts were then angry at first, then started being nicer but flirty and suggestive, so I ignored him for days, until he sent one one day that was cordial and sharing some news that had nothing to do with "us" so I responded, and then he abruptly ended the text exchange with telling me to have a nice day. I was surprised it didn't lead anywhere else. I haven't heard from him since. Now I'm missing him. Grrr.......... help!?!?!? What's going on? How about you get back together with him , work out the trust things, and actually FIX relationship problems instead of giving up like most people do?
westrock Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 What's going on? I think he is waiting for you to take the next step. You're right to insist on only meeting in a public place for now and to use that time to talk about things. Unless he wants to do that, he is not ready to deal with the issues that led to the break up.
Author bubblegum Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 How about you get back together with him , work out the trust things, and actually FIX relationship problems instead of giving up like most people do? That's what I'm thinking about Complication.
complication Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 That's what I'm thinking about Complication. Just do it. Call him NOW and say "hey babe lets talk I want to work this out, I miss you". DONE.
Author bubblegum Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 I think he is waiting for you to take the next step. You're right to insist on only meeting in a public place for now and to use that time to talk about things. Unless he wants to do that, he is not ready to deal with the issues that led to the break up. Yes, this is what I'm thinking too, about meeting in public and talking. He seems to want to skip that and get right back to where we were. I wonder if his abruptly ending our text exchange and saying have a nice day was his way of having the last word, so to speak, since just the day before I didn't respond to a flirty text. I've always been very accomodating in our relationship, and I think he's surprised that I won't meet where he wants to and all that.
complication Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Yes, this is what I'm thinking too, about meeting in public and talking. He seems to want to skip that and get right back to where we were. I wonder if his abruptly ending our text exchange and saying have a nice day was his way of having the last word, so to speak, since just the day before I didn't respond to a flirty text. I've always been very accomodating in our relationship, and I think he's surprised that I won't meet where he wants to and all that. He probably gave up after trying to fight for the relationship instead of giving up. He's going to work something out. Fight WITH him.
Author bubblegum Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 He probably gave up after trying to fight for the relationship instead of giving up. He's going to work something out. Fight WITH him. I'd like to fight with him for the relationship, but I don't know if we should take some time, or better, if I should give him time to think a little more instead of trying to rush in and just get back like we were before, like I believe he wants. I tended to be very accomodating and he took advantage of that in the relationship. He's leaving the country for a couple of weeks starting next week, and I think I feel pressured because of that. If he weren't leaving I think I'd relax and pull myself together some more, and give him time too. I don't know if it's right to do something out of pressure. But if I wait, will I have waited too long?
complication Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 I'd like to fight with him for the relationship, but I don't know if we should take some time, or better, if I should give him time to think a little more instead of trying to rush in and just get back like we were before, like I believe he wants. He's leaving the country for a couple of weeks starting next week, and I think I feel pressured because of that. If he weren't leaving I think I'd relax and pull myself together some more, and give him time too. I don't know if it's right to do something out of pressure. But if I wait, will I have waited too long? Couple of weeks? Trust isssues? I don't konw your scenario, but see how one conversatino goes before hand.
Author bubblegum Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 AHHH this is so hard! I don't know if I should hold off and hope he misses me and thinks about things while he's away, or if I should contact him before he goes!!!???
D-Lish Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 What were the trust issues? That's probably a good place to start. If your issues with trust are valid- should you even be considering getting bavk together with him? You ended things for a reason, now you are rethinking your decision... why is that?
Intergalactic Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 how about not even considering thinking about getting back together or working it out with him until he grows up and respects your decision not to invite him back to your house and meet in public places instead of chucking a **** every time you say it and trying to push you into doing something you don't want to?
CaliGuy Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 He's acting like a big baby. When he doesn't get what he wants (sex) he pouts. Is that the kind of man-boy you want in your life? I sure hope not...
Author bubblegum Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 Caliguy may be right. I texted him today asking for the location of some resources I need for a project. He pointed me in a general direction, but eventually said that we could meet tomorrow and he could just bring them to me and help me understand them. I said ok. Then after a while he said he could come by tonight if I'm available, but has to be kind of late, about 10:30 because of the work he's doing. I said well I've got plans, but we can touch base later, or tomorrow is fine. He then is pushing it, wants to know what I'm saying, should he just work all night or stop early and meet me. I said I meant that I don't know when I'll be done with my plans. Then he says "I guess you aren't in control of when you're coming and going... let me know later." He's being a little pushy here, right, especially for 2 people who are broken up?
CaliGuy Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Caliguy may be right. I texted him today asking for the location of some resources I need for a project. He pointed me in a general direction, but eventually said that we could meet tomorrow and he could just bring them to me and help me understand them. I said ok. Then after a while he said he could come by tonight if I'm available, but has to be kind of late, about 10:30 because of the work he's doing. I said well I've got plans, but we can touch base later, or tomorrow is fine. He then is pushing it, wants to know what I'm saying, should he just work all night or stop early and meet me. I said I meant that I don't know when I'll be done with my plans. Then he says "I guess you aren't in control of when you're coming and going... let me know later." He's being a little pushy here, right, especially for 2 people who are broken up? He wants sex. That's it. He doesn't want to help you nor does he really want you (as a person). He's looking for a reason to get you home alone. Take it as you wish.
Author bubblegum Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 Maybe it is just that, sex. But he did say we could meet somewhere instead of asking to come over?
CaliGuy Posted September 21, 2008 Posted September 21, 2008 It's up to you what you want to do. Just be cautious.
Author bubblegum Posted September 21, 2008 Author Posted September 21, 2008 I'm definately going to be cautious.
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