Phoenix11 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I've been seeing this guy off and on for awhile. Two weekends ago we hung out together all weekend. Saturday just hung out at his place, watched some tv and called it a night. Nothing too earth shattering. The next day (Sunday) pretty much of the same. A little NASCAR, some football, movie and dinner. Not sure if I was over staying my welcome, I asked if he wanted me to stay over Sunday night too. His reply..."it's up to you." Seemed like he could care less if I stayed or went home. I decided to stay over one more night...didn't feel like driving. At the beginning of the week...we IM back and forth and planned to get together again last weekend. I arrive early in the a.m. on Sunday, had morning coffee, cuddled. By noon I was getting cabin fever and asked if we could go out and do something....anything. He had errands to run, so we went to Walmart and grocery shopping. It was odd as this was the first time we were out not on a date per se, but just doing regular stuff. Not to my surprise...he was impatient, all over the place, frenzied, like a rat in a maze as he went about his shopping. Sorta cute. Anyway, for the rest of the afternoon we again watched NASCAR (yuck) and football. Did some gardening and made dinner. It was getting late and I told him I had to get going. Sunday night after all...needed to get ready for work the next day. The expression that came over his face was something I had never experienced with him before. A look of sadness, a look of longing. He said only one word... "stay." For sure I thought if I reasserted my position, it would be the end of the conversation. I said, no I really have to get going and get ready for work. He said "I don't want you to leave...stay. I've been dreading this moment all day." Believe it or not...I really wanted to leave, so I reminded him that just the week prior when I asked if I should stay, he was indifferent and responded with "it was up to me." He came back with "that was last week, things are different...please stay, I know it's selfish, but I don't want you to leave....ever." With this tears were welling up in his eyes and his bottom lip began to quiver. Maybe playing house for those few days, and having a female bumping around him awakened somethng in him...something that is missing from his life...or could it truely be love? ..........I stayed......how could I not.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Love?!?! You're not serious. Too soon, Phoenix, too soon. Walmart and NASCAR may not be my cup of tea, but if you enjoy hanging out with him just doing regular things, then cool. Sounds like things are moving along. Don't start jumping to conclusions, though. Stay in the moment and enjoy the ride.
BannaBee57 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 He really almost started to cry? Thats kinda...hmmm... Well, I hope it turns into something great for you. It is nice to just be able to hang out and be real with someone.
Author Phoenix11 Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 He really almost started to cry? Thats kinda...hmmm... Well, I hope it turns into something great for you. It is nice to just be able to hang out and be real with someone. Yes..he almost started to cry. I quickly said yes to avoid an overly emotional situation, besides...I really enjoy his company. The night turned out to be special. Elablorate on "that's kinda ...hmmm" I want to understand.
stefspets Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 He almost cried to get you to stay. Guys don't cry. Watch out...it seems weird.
Chinook Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I dunno, I kinda disagree. On two levels here, he went to the line with really showing you how he feels. 1) He asked you outright for what he needed, he wanted you to say. 2) when it became evident that he may not get what he wanted, or that you may not feel the same way, he became upset and wasn't afraid to show you. I think both those things are kinda big things. I dont think they're indicative of 'real love' it's too soon and yea, 2) could be indicative of him being a brat to get his way. Right now though, I'd say he's being who he feels he can be with you... and that has to be a good thing... at the moment.
BannaBee57 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Elablorate on "that's kinda ...hmmm" I want to understand. I guess it's a head scratcher for me. I've never hear of this kind of behavior. It would be a little unsettling to feel like a guy I was dating was going to fall apart everytime I left him. It's not like you were going away forever. Kinda reminds me of a 1 year old crying when their mom leaves them with the babysitter because they don't yet understand that she will be back in a few hours. It was especially odd considering you guys don't really seem to be an actual couple yet. But, like I said. I hope it works out for you.
Author Phoenix11 Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 I guess it's a head scratcher for me. I've never hear of this kind of behavior. It would be a little unsettling to feel like a guy I was dating was going to fall apart everytime I left him. It's not like you were going away forever. Kinda reminds me of a 1 year old crying when their mom leaves them with the babysitter because they don't yet understand that she will be back in a few hours. It was especially odd considering you guys don't really seem to be an actual couple yet. But, like I said. I hope it works out for you. Yeah...I was really caught off guard by his reaction. Throughout the day he was dropping hints about a LT commitment. I made a comment that it's nice to be around someone so knowledgeable, and he jokingly replied, "if you play your cards right, you can have me around forever." Then I asked him for his recipe to this fantastic homemade balsamic vinaigrette dressing he creates...he said, "I will not give you my recipe and watch you flee, as long as you stay with me you can have all you want" (dressing that is...lol) And then there was the key he left under his mat for me, to make myself at home one day until he arrived. A week later he said to come over..."you still have the key". I didn't. I placed it back under the mat. I didn't think it was for me to keep. He never asked about, and assumed I still had it, and seemed to be ok with it. Are these signs of things going in the right direction or red flags to run fast and hard for the hills?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 It's funny, I dated a guy who used to say things like that to me and then one day he dumped me out of the blue. He asked me to skip work and stay with him on a Saturday and I said I couldn't I had to work. I arranged to meet him for drinks that night and he stood me up. I think he was on an emotional roller coaster. No need to go running yet, just remind yourself that you are in the very early stages of dating, and not in LTR just yet. Act accordingly. It sounds like you may need to set the pace here.
Mako482 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 He almost cried to get you to stay. Guys don't cry. Watch out...it seems weird. Not all guys are cold jerks, some of us do have a sensitive side when we are passionate about something such as who we are with. This seems a little too soon for that type of emotional response though, I am talking someone I feel extremely close to and love-I could certainly be passionate enough to tear up like that in the moment and I am all man I assure you.
Ruby Slippers Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 He came back with "that was last week, things are different...please stay, I know it's selfish, but I don't want you to leave....ever." With this tears were welling up in his eyes and his bottom lip began to quiver. "Ever?" Seems a little much to me. And I'm someone who loves the sappy adoring guys! Reminds me of something an older guy friend of mine told me. He was taking his first long trip with a newish girlfriend. They're driving, and she goes, "Oh, I'm so excited. This is the first time we get to be together 24/7!!" (His impersonation was hilarious.) It freaked him out. He turned the car around, drove them home, and broke up with her. (They are back together now, though, and he seems to have submitted to coupledom.)
shockandawed Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 You know Phoenix........ It might be helpful to the other posters for you to provide a little background information here. Knowing the history, for me, I see this as the latest act in a long running production of bizarre behavior. If my memory is correct, you have been in contact or seeing him for nearly a year. In that time, he has.... Stood you up Begged to come to your house on the first date. Shown repeatedly a very quick and bad temper. Continually refuses to devulge alot of his background info. Demonstrated some extremely odd sexual behavior.(you can elaborate on these if you wish..lol) Continually refuses to talk to you on the phone, or basically communicate with you in any form other than on the weekends you spend with him. Goes long stretches without contacting you or speaking with you. I am sure I am leaving quite a bit out. You have told me you had resigned yourself to just having fun with him. That you knew he didn't have the mental stability to offer you what you needed in a long term relationship. Basically, you just enjoyed the sex with him. Obviously that is not the case. My guess here is either he knows how to play you or he is truly nuts. Neither case bodes well for how your heart feels about him. Think about it, he cries at the thought of you leaving at the end of the weekend, yet continually refuses to have any contact with you during the week, sometimes not talking to you for a month at a time. You hang on the excuse or hope that you have created that maybe, just maybe, he is just an intellectual geek who has absolutely no skills in dating. I think this is becoming an obsession with you, you are intent on winning this game with him and making him love you. If he is being honest here, then make him SHOW you. Take control. If he truly loves you to the point of crying when you leave, then he should have no problem doing what it takes to prove he his serious about you. Call him out.."you want me to stay so bad, then you shouldn't have any problem picking up a phone on a Tuesday night and seeing how my day went." Actions are what counts here Phoenix..actions..
carhill Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 He likes a companion. Perhaps you're the weekend girl From the overview presented here, my take is he likely has some psych issues. Too many inappropriate behaviors to be just "weird". I'm weird
Lucky_One Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 "OK...took Shock's suggestion and revised my email...here's my final draft. For the life of me, I don't understand you. I tried not to crowd you. I tried not to stress you, but in doing so I have allowed you to stress me. I must admit, when we are together I enjoy those special moments and had hoped we could build something. I would have happily made myself available to you for your colonoscopy if you so desired. It's one's actions that defines them. Your behavior tells another story. You disappear, then reappear, crazy excuses for not calling, not emailing, not IMing, never answering your phone or returning calls (how rude) and M.I.A. on the weekends. Now you send me an email which reads: "If you can find another friend to go see S. Dan...please do. I don't want to hold you back" I am assuming you are seeing someone else, or just not into me. Either way, honesty would have been the best approach. You are too "odd" for me and I am moving on. I wish you all the best with as you deal with your health issues and much success in your career pursuits. To this he responded with: Sorry, take care and good luck" Is this the same guy you have been waiting on for all this time, and that you wrote the above email to? If so, no this is not love. This is a man who realized when you got ready to leave that he wanted you to either cook or clean up or fold his laundry or have sex one more time or keep him from calling his mother. Why would you even stay with him last weekend when he gave you such a crappy answer about not caring if you stayed or left? My BF always is enthusiastic about my presence, and genuinely sorry to see me leave; we don't play BS guessing games.
Author Phoenix11 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 He likes a companion. Perhaps you're the weekend girl From the overview presented here, my take is he likely has some psych issues. Too many inappropriate behaviors to be just "weird". I'm weird What type of psych issues could his behavior lends itselft to? I really need to know. My lack of understanding is what causes me to constantly return to him. Maybe he is overly protective as to not wear his heart on his sleeve, and when he does...he quickly retreats. I should not be as confused as I am. He is someone who makes me feel so wonderful at times, and so horrible at other times. There is a label for this yes???
Jilly Bean Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I COMPLETELY agree with Shocked. New members aren't aware of the true history of this guy, but Shock summed it up pretty well. He has pretended to have health issues to avoid you, ignores your attempts at communication for ages, etc. Phoenix - nothing has changed with this guy. You still make all the moves and put forth all the effort, and you are still trying to convince yourself that it is something more than it actually is.
carhill Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Attachment issues? Hard to be an armchair psych these days. Does he have a damaged childhood? In any event, not your problem. You can't fix him
Author Phoenix11 Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 Attachment issues? Hard to be an armchair psych these days. Does he have a damaged childhood? In any event, not your problem. You can't fix him Don't know much about his childhood except his father passed away when he was 12, and has 8 siblings. The sex is amazing...we both agree on that point. If that was the only true connection, as adults we should be to accept that's the extent of the relationship. All of the other emotional garbage (tearful eyes & lip quivering) need not come into play. I don't want to fix him, heck I don't even know what's wrong with him.
Lucky_One Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 I don't think there's a fix for "he just ain't that into you" syndrome.
carhill Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 OP, lots of great guys to just have sex with, if that's all you want I'd pass on this one for the "love" department, sorry to say...
Lucky_One Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Rose123, I am sorry that your book sales are slumping, but please stop pushing your book on this forum. All 5 of your posts urge posters to buy this; try eBay.
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