SecretoftheSigns Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I simply wish to post my story and hope to receive sound advice. In a nutshell: I am in my late 30's and actually moved overseas to attempt living abroad and starting a new life. I am a medical professional by trade. A few months after settling into my new country I met someone (late 20's) and had a relationship with her for approximately 9-10 months. During our relationship, I was struggling to make a life for myself and advance in my new domain. She always expressed that she understood my difficulties but at the same time we ran into arguments since she felt that I am emotionally pushing her away from me and not spending enough time with her. Towards the end of our relationship we had another similar argument, and the following day I was informed (and confirmed) that she was searching around on an internet singles website. I was devastated, and told her I knew. She responded by stating something along the lines of "who will take care of me, the air?". During our relationship she had stated that if I were to propose to her she would accept, so I thought she truly loved me, but now I felt hurt, and confused (I mentioned that I would be with her all the way, but wanted to secure a solid future before I proposed). I broke contact with her at that point and spent time thinking. After approximately two months, I contacted her and told her that I truly love her and would be willing to work on the relationship with her and make it stronger. She was surprised and basically began to primarily convey things about my personality that she disapproved of. During those two months I continued to advance in my new life abroad, and actually reached a much more comfortable place (the struggle overall was one of the most difficult things I accomplished in my life). She further stated she needed time to think. I continued to make my emotions known to her (whether by letter, flowers, poems), but also gave her space. We met twice in the span of two weeks, the first time she cried during the entire conversation, and continued to just state things she disapproved of. The second was a more comfortable time, but after dinner, when I inquired where she stood regarding us, she stated that while she didn't wish to throw everything we had away, she still required time to think. Several days later, she sent an email stating that she cannot go on in the relationship, that although she sees the wonderful qualities in me, she doesn't feel the fire/spark or that she misses me enough, and asked that I refrain from calling her. Nevertheless, I spoke to her on the phone that day after reading the email, and she basically reconfirmed her message. I told her that I was in a better place, and that she she was responsible for much of the change that I was feeling with regards to balancing the difficulties in my life, however, she said that is how she currently feels and if she ever changes her mind she knows how to reach me. I wished her a good life, and we have not seen each other or spoken since, and that was approximately five weeks ago. It has been difficult for me because I do sincerely love her (to the point where I know that I would marry her if she would give the relationship a second chance). The fact that I am in a new country (which I did have familiarity with from before), and arrived on my own, does make life more difficult and isolating, but I did come to the realization of how important she is to me and how much we share in common as individuals. Is the ball now simply in her court? I am a very sensitive individual, and don't know whether breaking NC would continue to help strengthen me, but obviously it is still difficult for me to move on, despite attempts to do so. Any suggestions would be welcome.
westrock Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 we ran into arguments since she felt that I am emotionally pushing her away from me and not spending enough time with her. Were you emotionally pushing her away? Were you spending enough time with her? That seems to be the issue with her. What were you doing about it? You are in a tough situation... she's asked you to refrain from calling her. What do you want to happen now? Do you want to move on or are you still interested in her? If you want to move on then continue with NC. If you are still interested, maybe email her in a friendly way and just ask her how she is, but no relationship talk.
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