Karma101 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Not quite 2 weeks out yet and we still maintain LC. If you've read my story, you'll immediately know why this is BAD for many reasons. I am effectively allowing myself to go from being the GF to the OW. Not good. Not good at all. I actually saw him the other night. The short term fix of him showing up at my door in tears saying how much he loves me, misses me, etc. was almost euprhoric... for a very short time. Has it changed our situation? Nope. And even though his actions speak volumes about his so-called "reconciliation" and the probable outcome, I still know that our time together is done. How does that saying go? "If it's meant to be..." When will my heart catch up with my freakin' head?!?
sunshinegirl Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 Hi Karma, for so soo many reasons I urge you to start enforcing NC on your end. If he shows up on your doorstep, don't answer the door. If he calls, don't answer. It's harsh, it feels terrible - so if you need to, TELL HIM you will no longer accept contact from him. I've read a lot of divorce/infidelity message boards and the one consistent ingredient that must be part of reconciliation is that any third parties need to be 100% out of the spouses' lives. "SSG, are you telling me I should encourage my ex to make things work with his wife? But we love each other!" YES, that's exactly what I'm telling you. Right now you don't have his heart 100%. I'm telling you you don't, even if he's telling you he loves you. If you 100% had his heart, he would not be trying to reconcile with his wife. I say this from personal experience. If you EVER want to have his heart 100%, you have to let him completely work out his relationship with his wife and family. You cannot be a part of it. I don't remember: was the start of your relationship an affair? Or was he already separated when you met/started dating?
Author Karma101 Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 I know you're right... I know. He was long separated before we got involved. She's the one who had the affair, which subsequently continued throughout the duration of their separation. They really rushed into this reconciliation. It literally happened overnight. He has even said that no one is more surprised at her sudden change of heart than him. He says he's conflicted. I realize that his ENs are being met by both of us right now to some degree. I don't know what has happened with them during this past week. Maybe he thinks she's still in contact w/ her xBF as well. I have no clue...
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