motive2002 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Work is driving me nuts lately. I have at one point considered a different occupation, but the boss is putting me through school.. my dad is proud that I'm going back to college.. but damn that drill press! Drill press work is pretty gravy, actually. It's better than most other jobs I do in the shop, but there's one major drawback to it. IT'S TOTALLY MINDLESS!! So, while I'm working the press, chamfering tubesheets with thousands of holes my mind is free to ruminate.. and ruminate and ruminate.......... I'm having conversations with her in my head that will never take place. I'm reviewing and analyzing the relationship, and what took place when.. and still trying to figure out how in the world her attraction level dropped to zero in such a big hurry. Did I snore too loud? Stinky breath? Face too stubbly? Over and over it churns through my head like an upset stomach.. I just want to hurl it all out of me somehow. Everyone I know is tired of hearing about it and besides, I don't want to think about it or talk about it when I'm off work because I can find other distractions easily. Keep my mind occupied. For those times in life when you have nothing but your thoughts, what do you do? I thought about using an iPod or something, but my work environment doesn't lend itself to using headphones at all. Just me and my thoughts as I bring the arm of the press from one hole to the next. *sigh*
bayouboi Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I say be careful your mind doesn't wand too much and you drill press a thousand holes through your hand!
Author motive2002 Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 If I drill a hole in my head perhaps.. like a big twisted pinata. You guys can have the candy.
kizik Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 It sucks to be alone with your thoughts, but don't tell me you're actually going to blame yourself, and little hypotheticals like your BREATH, for the breakup. You're smarter than that. You also seem to have been ruminating and cycling the same thoughts patterns, which is undoubtedly due to your recent contact with her. Dude, while your ex-girl may be super-hot, she's stupid! and really immature. So stop blaming yourself for things, and honestly, stop posting here... being here just makes you think about her too much. I know that you're thinking that is hypocritical of me to say, as I am here too, but I have fully accepted that I was irresponsible for the break-up, and that she was simply foolish for letting me go. Yours was too.
HopeDiesLast Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 i think your right kizik....this damn LS is taking voer my life. i gotta stop for a while too!
Trialbyfire Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 motive, what do you like to do for hobbies? Is there something else you can focus on besides the unanswerable? You've got her all tied up into your self-esteem. Time to pick at one end of the string and start to unravel it, otherwise it's going to drive you insane.
Author motive2002 Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 OMG I went to college today for the new student welcome thing. Talk about a TON of distraction. Beautiful young women EVERYWHERE! Makes the ex definitely look like a wildebeest hahaha. Now we are getting somewhere If only I could have that distraction at work. I'm sure the college thing will take up my thoughts though. motive, what do you like to do for hobbies? Is there something else you can focus on besides the unanswerable? I have hobbies and interests.. and I've been trying to weave that into my thoughts more.. try to distract myself from myself. Wrestling control of your brain is hard to do sometimes.. at least it seems that way.
westrock Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 try to distract myself from myself. That's quite the challenge for anyone! You're on the right track though... the only way to change your thoughts is to change your thoughts. I realize that may sound circular but that's what you need to do. Keep focussing on those young beautiful women you saw at college. That usually works.
ed-205 Posted September 20, 2008 Posted September 20, 2008 I've worked some jobs that were so mindless that I didn't bother waking-up until I was already on the job for 2 hours! Try memorizing the lyrics to some of your favorite songs, (not those *special* songs that remind you of her, but something nonsensical like "Blinded by the light", by Manfred Mann). Focus on the lyrics as you sing or hum them to yourself, and watch out for the stuff your co-workers will throw at you in an effort to make you shut-up!
Author motive2002 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Well, here's an interesting update. In late Dec, the boss decided to allow me to use a headset. It was great, for about a day or so. All this time later I'm still ruminating and it is driving me crazy. I wish I could stop thinking about her once and for all. Any more insight would be appreciated. My therapist doesn't seem to either know the answer, or wants to dig deeper to uncover why I have these obsessive thoughts. What's worse is that since the break-up, my self esteem has taken a huge blow. It's not like the ex was a supermodel rock star with heaps of cash, fame power etc. She was a biker slut from the mid-west. She was into cocaine (which should have been the instant deal-breaker for me). She's not all that hot.. but she hit all the right buttons for me somehow and for the first time in years I was head over heels. So the not so hot girl dumps me like yesterday's trash. You can imagine how that makes me feel It's been too long and I need to drop all of this. I need to get her out of my head!
Crestfallen_KH Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 This is what I would do when I found that I was obsessively replaying a conversation over in my head, a scene that had occurred (or that I wish had occurred) or a conversation that I WANTED to have with my ex-husband... I'd bring it from the realm of the subconscious to the conscious. When the "mind tapes" would start up, I'd stop and say to myself "Oh, ok...obviously you want to spend time on this today. So, how much time d'ya think you'll need? Another 10 minutes? 30? How much time should I expect to be donating to this worthless practice today?" Some days, I'd think "Well, I need 10," and then I'd take the full 10. But what actually started to happen was that I'd often either realize I didn't want to spend ANY time replaying the mind tapes, or I'd give myself 10 minutes, but only take 2 and then go "Ok, that was actually enough." On the occasions when I'd say "Actually, no more time on this today sounds good" and then I found the tapes starting up again 5 minutes later, I'd simply repeat my question. As long as I didn't just set the "tape recorder" down and let it play as background music, I was able to control how long, and how often. For some reason, bringing it to the forefront of my thoughts and challenging myself with it, really helped me to see just how silly and self-torturing it all really was. btw, I now do this whenever I get upset about something. Say, a guy cuts me off in traffic. I used to just mindlessly rant. Now I ask myself, "Ok, do I really want to spent 5 minutes whining about that, or would I rather let it go and be happy?"
Peter_pan Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 well for me i dwelled on thoughts over and over and had all these conversations for almost a year,... crazy huh. and guess what one day i got to say most of the stuff in my head to her, to her face! once i had finished she couldnt handle the truth about how much she hurt me and cried. that was the last time i saw her, need or want to see her. now its all off my chest, i have other things to think about. she barely pops into my head at all now
LikeCharlotte Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 Hello there stranger... been awhile I have some suggestions for you. Try some word puzzles, something you can keep in your head and try to work out while you are working.. You get the added benefit of exercising your brain!Think about some of the things you've been meaning to do. Have you been meaning to exercise more, learn an instrument, build a boat? Well plan them! Think about the steps to getting to that goal and plan them so that you can write it down after workThink about some other woman - like the one you want in the future... what do you want her to be like. Pick out the qualities you will be looking for. Is she patient and calm or high energy? What will you be like? Are there any changes you want to make?Think about light or sound... the way it moves... how it is changing. Take the things you discover home with you and investigate. Do it again the next day. It is amazing how full your environment can be - and most people never notice. I'll think of more... hang on. oh... and catch yourself when you are thinking about her and stop! Consciously dismiss it and think about anything else... even if its just the noise of the press.
EmperorR Posted January 8, 2009 Posted January 8, 2009 What's worse is that since the break-up, my self esteem has taken a huge blow. It's not like the ex was a supermodel rock star with heaps of cash, fame power etc. She was a biker slut from the mid-west. She was into cocaine (which should have been the instant deal-breaker for me). She's not all that hot.. but she hit all the right buttons for me somehow and for the first time in years I was head over heels. So the not so hot girl dumps me like yesterday's trash. You can imagine how that makes me feel It's been too long and I need to drop all of this. I need to get her out of my head! Ah I know the feeling, my ex wasn't ugly, she looked good really good, but I've had better looking girlfriends who treated me proper before her, but yep I know how they hit the right buttons. For weeks even months I thought my ex was the most beautifulest person ever and every girl I would look at and compare them to my ex. And the thoughts of never getting anyone better seem to take over your mind.
Author motive2002 Posted January 8, 2009 Author Posted January 8, 2009 Ah I know the feeling, my ex wasn't ugly, she looked good really good, but I've had better looking girlfriends who treated me proper before her, but yep I know how they hit the right buttons. For weeks even months I thought my ex was the most beautifulest person ever and every girl I would look at and compare them to my ex. And the thoughts of never getting anyone better seem to take over your mind. I guess what gets me, is that my own perception of value has gone down. I think about the ex, and the fact that she dumped me, and the feeling that I' d have to lower my standards below her to get one to stick around doesn't set well with me. I should have been good enough for her. She should have felt lucky to have a guy like me fall as hard for her as I did. Heh, guess not. Maybe I'm just not all that. Apparently she had better options, although in a way I can't see that as being possible. I know what a lot of guys are like. I'm not one of those guys.
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