nickelinadime Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Hm, that rhymed. I'm not sure why I'm posting this because it seems as if few of you even care. I've decided to keep somewhat of an online journal here to talk about my ventures for the first time without the ex for more than a few weeks. It'll make me feel better. Incase any of you don't know my story, my ex and I were dating for a little over ten months after being best friends for a year. She had feelings for me the entire time. We fought a lot, and we've had an extremely messy and drawn out breakup because of feelings and emotional baggage that hasn't gone away. I finally talked to her today after being ignored for three days. She had decided that she wasn't ready for a relationship again and told me her "plan". This includes being close (flirty) friends for six to eight months (or so) until she has time to build a relationship again. That's not happening. We've decided (well, I have) on no contact. I don't know why, but I have very mixed emotions about it. It's almost bittersweet to finally be done with it, but it's so hard and I miss her already. It's been three or four hours since we talked and I'm very restless. I know I need to maintain no contact for a long time, but I don't know how I'm going to manage. Why is this so hard?
EmperorR Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 im doing no contact to, i felt like letting her know but she doesnt deserve that let her wonder what im up to
Author nickelinadime Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Don't tell her. It's not worth it. At all. I just, don't know why it's so hard.
megapositive Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Good for you nickelinadime! I don't think her being flirty with you for months and months would help you move forward much. Why is NC so hard? Because it's a taste of reality, we are NOT with this person anymore. We can't just call them up to share any little thing that just happened to us. We are no longer a couple. We are no longer best friends. When I've broken NC there's a pattern: I'm ok for the rest of the day, the next day I feel bad and want to talk to him again, even if he is a jerk (), then maybe a day of mixed emotions until I feel stronger again and the urge is minimal. And even though I'm not supposed to, I do wonder if he thinks about me, and wonders why I haven't contacted him. Does he think I'm in a big heap pining over him? Or does he think I'm busy out with other guys having the time of my life?
ahhhchooo Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I'm going to have to start NC again today as well. Went 11 days without contact. Received an email and managed to go 2 days without replying. I caved in but didn't say much. Didn't tell her I missed her, just said I hope she's okay and stay in good health. No response... I didn't expect one, but it's definitely had an effect on my mood and now I find myself thinking about her more and waiting for something to happen. NC is NC. Ugh... I'm with you here
Author nickelinadime Posted September 20, 2008 Author Posted September 20, 2008 As if anyone cares, but: We said our fourth or fifth final goodbyes last night. Hopefully this time it's actually our final goodbye. For a while, at least. I'm having mixed emotions about it to be honest. Part of me misses her, but part of me is really excited about a girl that my friend is going to be hooking me up with next week. She was really upset about the fact that we couldn't talk because, in her words: "I just lost the person who cared most about my life." So? You can't have your cake and eat it too. Besides, I lost the same thing. It's hard, but I'm trying!
Author nickelinadime Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 Another update, unlike anyone cares. We broke the no contact on Sunday for her to tell me about a guy she hooked up with, while drunk, at a party on Saturday. I'm not going to lie, it hurt, but I'm back on the no contact bandwaggon and riding it harder than ever. She took the bus today even though she told me she wouldn't. I tried to not make eye contact, but unfortunately made eye contact once. She was almost crying. It was so hard to not ask her why she was upset or why she took the bus instead of taking the other bus with her friend. But, Day 1 complete (again). Any words of encouragement?
BCCA Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 Another update, unlike anyone cares. We broke the no contact on Sunday for her to tell me about a guy she hooked up with, while drunk, at a party on Saturday. I'm not going to lie, it hurt, but I'm back on the no contact bandwaggon and riding it harder than ever. She took the bus today even though she told me she wouldn't. I tried to not make eye contact, but unfortunately made eye contact once. She was almost crying. It was so hard to not ask her why she was upset or why she took the bus instead of taking the other bus with her friend. But, Day 1 complete (again). Any words of encouragement? All I can say is that it does get better. Dont give her the chance to try and make you feel bad by telling you who shes sleeping with (she did that on purpose, whether she admits it or not. just wanted a reaction from you). She was probably almost crying because she feels sorry for herself, probably nothing to do with you. Stay NC. Everytime I break NC, I remember exactly why its the best way to go. Dont give her the time of day anymore. Telling someone to wait around and see what happens for 6-8 months, during which time she can drink too much and hook up with whomever she wants, is beyond a slap in the face. It's insulting and shows little to no concern for you at all. You dont need that, there are plenty of other girls out there. Her loss, dont make anymore time for her. Dont even answer your phone or emails (which I know can make you feel bad, but still)
Author nickelinadime Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 What do you mean she feels sorry for herself? As far as I know, she was sad that she lost her "best friend". One of her messenger quotes right now is "so close but so far away", which, her friend tells me, is directly to do with me. Apparently she's not even close to over me, which I believe. Doesn't matter, it's over. Thanks for your input.
megapositive Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 What do you mean she feels sorry for herself? As far as I know, she was sad that she lost her "best friend". One of her messenger quotes right now is "so close but so far away", which, her friend tells me, is directly to do with me. Apparently she's not even close to over me, which I believe. Doesn't matter, it's over. Thanks for your input. BCCA may have meant that she's feeling sorry for herself because she didn't get the reaction she wanted when she told you about the hookup. She may have wanted to hear you get jealous and plead to get back together, or something like that. She misses you and lost her best friend, then did something as cold as telling you about another guy, therefore is feeling sorry for herself.
Author nickelinadime Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 BCCA may have meant that she's feeling sorry for herself because she didn't get the reaction she wanted when she told you about the hookup. She may have wanted to hear you get jealous and plead to get back together, or something like that. She misses you and lost her best friend, then did something as cold as telling you about another guy, therefore is feeling sorry for herself. Ah, thanks. Yeah, I think she was just trying to get a rise out of me. Didn't work. I'm staying strong and keeping the no contact!
BCCA Posted September 22, 2008 Posted September 22, 2008 What do you mean she feels sorry for herself? As far as I know, she was sad that she lost her "best friend". One of her messenger quotes right now is "so close but so far away", which, her friend tells me, is directly to do with me. Apparently she's not even close to over me, which I believe. Doesn't matter, it's over. Thanks for your input. Megapositive got it right. Basically, she ended things and now probably feels a little lonely, and when your reaction to her tale about the hookup wasnt to cry and beg to see her, she felt sorry for herself because she cant have her cake and eat it, too. Friend, she slept with someone else. Then told you about it. To me, thats a lot further along than not even close to being over you. She might not have filled the void in her free time that you left, but thats probably it. Maybe this is clearer: she had two choices. 1. feel bad for you for having been so cold and telling you about this hookup, ignoring your calls, and her role in the end of things. 2. Feel sorry for herself because now she doesnt have you to be there when shes lonely. She chose option 2. If it was anything else, she would have told you. I have to be frank, telling a recent ex about your drunken hookups is downright mean spirited. Why on earth would you want to hear about that? Why would that make you feel anything but s**tty? It wouldnt, and she knows that. You seem like a good guy, this chick has kicked you in the nuts enough.
Author nickelinadime Posted September 22, 2008 Author Posted September 22, 2008 She told me she did it to try and detatch herself from me and realize that she can date other guys. I've done that in the past too, and it seems logical. And, she didn't sleep with him. She told me she made out with him and didn't want it to go any further. Apparently, it reminded her of me. I tried to tone that out.
BCCA Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 She told me she did it to try and detatch herself from me and realize that she can date other guys. I've done that in the past too, and it seems logical. And, she didn't sleep with him. She told me she made out with him and didn't want it to go any further. Apparently, it reminded her of me. I tried to tone that out. I'm assuming it was her idea to split. If so, she strikes me as more lonely than anything. I'm sure she misses the comfort level she had with you, but if she wanted things to change between you, they would. Actions speak louder than words, dont fall for the lip service. Even if she only made out with the guy, again, why on earth would you want to hear about that? That's just an unnecessary comment that was only said to get a reaction out of you. Stick to NC. I just dont want to see you get burned. I get really nervous about anyone who says they're having a tough time getting over me after they dumped me. Women aren't as rash as us, they usually think about it for a month or so, talk to all their friends, and only drop the hammer once they've detached a bit. Seems kind of irrational to have a hard time getting over something you didnt want.
Author nickelinadime Posted September 23, 2008 Author Posted September 23, 2008 Well, she decided to contact me again tonight. I used one word responces. She put up with a lot of **** during our relationship. It was never her idea to split but more of her parents deciding that they didn't want her going through all the fights with me. She seems desperate for my attention, even though she's getting it from other males. She even decided to break no contact to tell me she's got a date. She's just trying to make me jealous to make her feel less alone because I'm doing well. God ****ing damn, why won't you just leave me alone?
BCCA Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 God ****ing damn, why won't you just leave me alone? You have full control of that. IGNORE HER! Dont put up with the games anymore. Dont respond to her at all.
audrey_1 Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 Another update, unlike anyone cares. We broke the no contact on Sunday for her to tell me about a guy she hooked up with, while drunk, at a party on Saturday. I'm not going to lie, it hurt, but I'm back on the no contact bandwaggon and riding it harder than ever. She took the bus today even though she told me she wouldn't. I tried to not make eye contact, but unfortunately made eye contact once. She was almost crying. It was so hard to not ask her why she was upset or why she took the bus instead of taking the other bus with her friend. But, Day 1 complete (again). Any words of encouragement? Yes. It's hard but about YOUR well-being now. I have been wrestling with doing NC after a traumatic meeting yesterday that rocked me to the core. He actually came to visit me...and had a hickey on his neck, which he lied to me about. Then came clean later. Now THAT is something to tip the NC scale. Talk about not caring about feelings. Wow. Take care of you. Exercise. Eat well. Live well. We all deserve the best.
Intergalactic Posted September 23, 2008 Posted September 23, 2008 you need to stop answering the calls completely. even if you're only giving one word responses, it's not enough. this is going to keep eating you alive if you keep doing this. take a book on the bus. see if there's another bus you can take! do NOT answer calls/txts/ims/emails. she'll get it after a while. if you keep giving in, she'll keep doing it. not to mention it seems like she's been a complete bitch so far. she dumped YOU, then she tells you about a drunken hook up, then she cries on the bus KNOWING you'll see it and probably feel bad - don't think it was that innocent. she sounds like she's trying everything to con you into staying in her life, and that is NOT fair. when you feel like answering the phone, remember how much it hurt when she broke up with you, when she told you about other guys she's ****ed. it's not fair, don't let her walk all over you.
Author nickelinadime Posted September 24, 2008 Author Posted September 24, 2008 Another update: She tried to mouth a few words to me in class today. I think she asked "are you okay?" Not sure why she thought I wasn't . I almost got of scott free in the way of her trying to contact me, until she decided to take the bus again. What the hell? Before that, all she did was shoot me some really upset looks and try and mouth a few words. It was pretty hard today. I kept thinking about that guy that she made out with. It's getting easier to deal with, but it's still pretty hard. Her friend brought her up with me today. She told me that she wasn't handling the breakup or the no contact very well (but it's not hard to see that part). One of my friends said "it's crazy that you two still love eachother so much but won't be together". I almost hit him. Temptations are rising to talk to her, but I'm doing my best to stay strong! Oh.. is it so much to ask to be left alone?
Author nickelinadime Posted September 26, 2008 Author Posted September 26, 2008 Looks like it's about that time again. Update time! So, we took the bus today to try and decide what to do from here on in. Unfortunately, the conversation took a turn for the worse when it turned to how she was feeling. She used to open up and tell me everything, but for some reason, she didn't today. Me, being my stupid ****ing self, decided to ask her what was bugging her so much. She wouldn't tell me. Eventually, she decided to take the bus to the mall. We walked in the mall for a few minutes and exited on the other side and sat behind the nearby church for a little bit. I asked her what was wrong again, and she told me. She said she wasn't sure how strong her feelings were for me anymore but she knew there were lots there and that she missed me very much. She was crying. I made a dumb move and decided to comfort her and I held her. She just started to cry more. When she had to go, we stood up and she attacked me with a hug. When the hug was done, we just starred into eachother's eyes like we used to and she leaned in. We kissed! Now, here's the problem. We ended up making 5 different times within 5 minutes or so. I'm not feeling so bad but I've just set her back so much. I feel bad and all. WHAT DO I DO NOW?
lofi_tokyo Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Okay... so as I understand it, you don't want to get back together? If thats the case... just stop seeing her, don't kiss her. You said it right, you set her back. If you care at all, stop contacting her and let her move on.
Author nickelinadime Posted September 27, 2008 Author Posted September 27, 2008 It was her idea though. She initiated everything. She's the one that keeps contacting me.
lofi_tokyo Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Then ignore her. If its over, she needs to get that into her head. By talking to her, by going out with her like this, and especially by kissing her, you're leading her onto believing that you feel there is hope for you two. If you really don't want to get back together with her, stop leading her on. Even if shes begging for your attention - shes not begging to see you, shes begging for you back. If you can't give her what she wants, you need to just ignore her calls and help her move on.
Author nickelinadime Posted September 27, 2008 Author Posted September 27, 2008 But here's the problem: it was her idea to break up in the first place and she doesn't want to get back with me either. Everything else she does is contradictory, but it's true. Emotion just got the most of her when she kissed me the first few times. She's always told me she wants to work it out when the time is right and she's not going through so much and when she's ready to handle a relationship, I'm just confused. After all she told me, I'm not totally sure what to think, besides that it's over.
Sysyphus28 Posted September 27, 2008 Posted September 27, 2008 Logical....hahahahhah. No it doesn't seem logical. You are her ex boyfriend and she is telling you about hook ups drunk at parties. That seems illogical and cruel. If she wants to "detach" herself let her.....Don't talk to her. Don't give her one more ounce of your energy. Think of someone else's hands on her. That used to be you?! She is really immature. I am not sure how old you are, but she sounds nutty as heck. I had to manipulate all the dirty details out of me ex, she was trying to save my emotions by not telling me, I wanted to know!! It would help me stop viewing her as a "nice" or "good person" when the truth was.......................yea. The truth hurts. Let this one go.
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