Flowerpower7 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 How do I know if the guy I like, likes me or isn't interested? He is shy and lets the woman make the first move for everything. So he doesnt fall within the "norm" of whether he's into me or not. Here is a list of what he does: he is confusing me. - he answers my email the same day, everyday - he asks me if I am going out to a particular event, I say yes and ask him if he is going too, he says no. - he was always able to maintain eye contact with me, but lately he darts his eyes around when i speak to him - he has lately become nervous around me with shaky hands and voice - when we are out at a club he will come to see me, chat, but then go off to ask a girl to dance and then sit with her - I ask him to go to a movie and he says he doesnt know what he is doing on the weekend yet - he chats easily with others, but then clams up when he is with me What do you think?
BCCA Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 That is confusing. I can really only guess, but here are my thoughts: - he answers my email the same day, everyday Most people do, honestly. I've had my ex and I not even on speaking terms and she answered an email in an hour. - he asks me if I am going out to a particular event, I say yes and ask him if he is going too, he says no. This one strikes me as odd. It's almost like he's trying to avoid you, or perhaps, avoid being around you and someone else at the same time. To me, it doesnt sound like the move a guy would make if he was really into you, shy or not. - he was always able to maintain eye contact with me, but lately he darts his eyes around when i speak to him Think about what he's telling you when his eyes are darting around. If it's about how he doesnt know what his plans are for the weekend, then I would say he's probably lying. - he has lately become nervous around me with shaky hands and voice Again, what's he talking about when he gets all shaky? Is he asking you how your day was or telling you something about what he's been doing/going to do? That's an obvious sign he's nervous, but about what is anyone's guess. - when we are out at a club he will come to see me, chat, but then go off to ask a girl to dance and then sit with her Well, there is your answer right there, sorry to say. He obviously isnt always waiting on the girl to make a move if hes asking other girls to dance and sitting with them. And to do it with you right there watching... - I ask him to go to a movie and he says he doesnt know what he is doing on the weekend yet Well, that is complete crap. If he didnt know what he was doing on the weekend yet, that would mean he didnt have any definite plans. If he wanted to hang out with you, he would make time. He wouldnt need to think about it unless he was going out of town or had something already planned. Does he ever even get back to you or just kind of leaves it at that? - he chats easily with others, but then clams up when he is with me Well, if youre asking him out, he knows you like him. It could just be that for whatever reason he doesnt feel comfortable talking with you. Did someone try and set you two up? It kind of almost sounds like he comes near you out of some obligation, but then essentially shuts you out on everything else. I guess bottom line is that you've asked this guy out, told him you were going to be places he asked about, and he asks girls to dance in front of you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this, but I really dont think hes that into you. I wouldnt try and ask him out or anything anymore. Let him come to you, and in the meantime, be on the look out for other people
justaman99 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I think he knows or gets the vibe that you're interested in him but maybe he's not and that makes him uncomfortable. Just a possibility. -Just
Author Flowerpower7 Posted September 19, 2008 Author Posted September 19, 2008 - he answers my email the same day, everyday Most people do, honestly. I've had my ex and I not even on speaking terms and she answered an email in an hour. a year ago he didnt. He would take 3-5 days to answer saying he was busy all the time. Girls generally email back quicker than men. After all its the men who say their going to call and never do. :-) - he asks me if I am going out to a particular event, I say yes and ask him if he is going too, he says no. This one strikes me as odd. It's almost like he's trying to avoid you, or perhaps, avoid being around you and someone else at the same time. To me, it doesnt sound like the move a guy would make if he was really into you, shy or not. He's done this once. I think he was waiting for me to invite him to come. I invited him tonight to come and he said he'd try to make it. - he was always able to maintain eye contact with me, but lately he darts his eyes around when i speak to him Think about what he's telling you when his eyes are darting around. If it's about how he doesnt know what his plans are for the weekend, then I would say he's probably lying. I was talking about dog food and he was standing close to me. - he has lately become nervous around me with shaky hands and voice Again, what's he talking about when he gets all shaky? Is he asking you how your day was or telling you something about what he's been doing/going to do? That's an obvious sign he's nervous, but about what is anyone's guess. we were standing waiting for popcorn at the movies. - when we are out at a club he will come to see me, chat, but then go off to ask a girl to dance and then sit with her Well, there is your answer right there, sorry to say. He obviously isnt always waiting on the girl to make a move if hes asking other girls to dance and sitting with them. And to do it with you right there watching... we take dance classes together, so he is use to askng girls to dance. He just doesnt ask them out on a date or make any moves. - I ask him to go to a movie and he says he doesnt know what he is doing on the weekend yet Well, that is complete crap. If he didnt know what he was doing on the weekend yet, that would mean he didnt have any definite plans. If he wanted to hang out with you, he would make time. He wouldnt need to think about it unless he was going out of town or had something already planned. Does he ever even get back to you or just kind of leaves it at that? we are just friends, so he may not know what he is doing on the weekend - he chats easily with others, but then clams up when he is with me Well, if youre asking him out, he knows you like him. It could just be that for whatever reason he doesnt feel comfortable talking with you. Did someone try and set you two up? It kind of almost sounds like he comes near you out of some obligation, but then essentially shuts you out on everything else. I guess bottom line is that you've asked this guy out, told him you were going to be places he asked about, and he asks girls to dance in front of you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with this, but I really dont think hes that into you. well, he and I use to have a non-committed intimate relationship. I told him we would never have one of those again. I think he is attracted to me, but knows that I said "no" and keeps himself distanced from me. He has a difficult time meeting anyone for friends or dating. I wouldnt try and ask him out or anything anymore. Let him come to you, and in the meantime, be on the look out for other people I've never done this quoting thing before....says my message is too short...so blah, blah, blah...
BCCA Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 well, he and I use to have a non-committed intimate relationship. I told him we would never have one of those again. I think he is attracted to me, but knows that I said "no" and keeps himself distanced from me. He has a difficult time meeting anyone for friends or dating. I think we've discovered the real issue. Obviously, at one time, he did make some moves, and you two did manage to get intimate. So, he has some comfort level with you. Seems to me that he isn't interested in more than a friends with benefits type situation. This would explain his other behavior as well. Honestly, I've never had an uncommitted FWB turn into an actual relationship. I always felt like I would either wait on sex, or ask what the other person saw for the future after the first time. I know, its done and over with now, but in the future, unless you are actually ok with just seeing someone for casual sex, dont let it happen. Even if you met a guy who you thought was really into you, had sex with him the 1-2 time you saw him, and things seemed great, guys have this 'relationship switch' that turns off once theyve pegged you as a FWB. I know that might sound silly, but its not. If I met a girl and we ended up sleeping together and this continued without and relationship, I would probably never think to date her seriously. Sounds to me like this guy didnt want a relationship with you. You did the right thing by telling him that he had to buy the cow to get the milk, but you have to be prepared that he might chose to look elsewhere.
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