floyd Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Hi all. New here. The relationship I'm currently in has, in my mind, reached a plateau. I care for my girlfriend and we have fun together, but when I'm honest with myself, I do not see a future with us. There are few incompatibilities as well as some logistical issues, but in the end, we are different enough that from my side I feel this relationship cannot really grow any more. She, on the other hand, I feel is more "into" it than I am. I think she is looking to the future and has hopes that it will continue to grow and become better. My question is basically am I misleading her by staying in the relationship and not revealing how I feel ? There is really no way to tell her this without doing damage and likely ending the relationship. I know it will end eventually, but we still do have fun together and I have respect for her. thoughts....?
gummybear Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Hi all. New here. The relationship I'm currently in has, in my mind, reached a plateau. I care for my girlfriend and we have fun together, but when I'm honest with myself, I do not see a future with us. There are few incompatibilities as well as some logistical issues, but in the end, we are different enough that from my side I feel this relationship cannot really grow any more. She, on the other hand, I feel is more "into" it than I am. I think she is looking to the future and has hopes that it will continue to grow and become better. My question is basically am I misleading her by staying in the relationship and not revealing how I feel ? There is really no way to tell her this without doing damage and likely ending the relationship. I know it will end eventually, but we still do have fun together and I have respect for her. thoughts....? How long have you two been dating?
Jersey Shortie Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 My question is basically am I misleading her by staying in the relationship and not revealing how I feel ? There is really no way to tell her this without doing damage and likely ending the relationship. I know it will end eventually, but we still do have fun together and I have respect for her. thoughts....? Yes, you are misleading her by staying in a relationship where you know she is more serious about it then yourself. If you really respected her, you would be honest about what you consider the future state of your relationship with her. By not sharing that information, you are creating a situation that provides you with what you want, but you are not giving her what she might possibly want. Neither are you giving her the oppurtunity to make that choice for herself. You need to be honest with her. Don't string her along because *you* are having *fun* when you know she desires more then just *fun*. Not cool. Not fair.
Author floyd Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 How long have you two been dating? about 4 months.
Author floyd Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Yes, you are misleading her by staying in a relationship where you know she is more serious about it then yourself. If you really respected her, you would be honest about what you consider the future state of your relationship with her. By not sharing that information, you are creating a situation that provides you with what you want, but you are not giving her what she might possibly want. Neither are you giving her the oppurtunity to make that choice for herself. You need to be honest with her. Don't string her along because *you* are having *fun* when you know she desires more then just *fun*. Not cool. Not fair. fair comment. Just to be clear, I don't view it as a completely casual relationship. It's more than that, but just not something that would evolve into marriage or even living together.
Jersey Shortie Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Either way, if you are in an adult relationship with another person, you need to give them the respect and have the communciation to express where you stand within that relationship. You have another person to consider. Not just yourself.
CandyGirlXO Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 4 months thats it? I would definately let her know ASAP. Better now than a few years down the road. Maybe after 4 months she is also thinking the same thing you are since 4 months really isn't long enough to really get to know someone. Its too soon to be thinking about marriage. I would talk to her about it, this way she doesn't get herself emotionally attached to you, if thats not what you want. Its unfair to her.
gummybear Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 fair comment. Just to be clear, I don't view it as a completely casual relationship. It's more than that, but just not something that would evolve into marriage or even living together. If you have been dating her for over a year, then I'd say ok you should consider ending it. But its only been 4 months....some people don't even fall in love in that time. If I were you, I'd say give it at least another 1-2 months then re-evaluate at that time. Don't jump the gun yet. If even after 1-2 months you feel the same way, well then at least you will know for sure that she is not the one. You don't want to regret it.
gummybear Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 4 months thats it? I would definately let her know ASAP. Better now than a few years down the road. Maybe after 4 months she is also thinking the same thing you are since 4 months really isn't long enough to really get to know someone. Its too soon to be thinking about marriage. I would talk to her about it, this way she doesn't get herself emotionally attached to you, if thats not what you want. Its unfair to her. I agree. Communicate to your gf how you want to take things a bit slow since you two only been dating 4 months. She will probably respect that and it will at least give her a heads up.
Author floyd Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 thanks for the replies... The rub, in my opinion, is that it has only been 4 months (although we spend a lot of time together) and I want to give it a fair shot. The only thing is I see some warning signs mostly due to personality incompatibilities and some distance issues, which causes me to question the future. I think waiting a little bit (but not too long) is wise and at the same time I can slow things down a little. Who knows...maybe my outlook will change.....
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