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The new sexual revolution: Porn, Swingers, and shifting moralities


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Posted
Posts about retroactive jealousy show up fairly often. It's usually from a younger guy upset that his gf slept with a few guys before they were together.

 

Well, if that isn't one of the most ridiculous things ever. I'm sure it happens, and I hope when it does the general response has been to instruct said kid to get a life.

 

Don't know about this worm thing though...

Posted
Well, if that isn't one of the most ridiculous things ever. I'm sure it happens, and I hope when it does the general response has been to instruct said kid to get a life.

 

Basically, yes. :)

 

Don't know about this worm thing though...

 

You'll see. Talking to JS about porn is like talking to Hitler about racial equality. :D

Posted

The new sexual revolution:Porn, Swingers, and shifting moralities.

 

 

This is nothing new.

 

I will say this, I do think couples who seem to be on the same page about porn or swinging, for example, I think there will always be one person that likes it way more than the other.

  • Author
Posted
You'll see. Talking to JS about porn is like talking to Hitler about racial equality. :D

 

Oh my.

 

I sincerely hope this doesn't degenerate into another porn is bad... no it's good... no it's bad discussions. Porn, and it's increased level of societal acceptance is certainly one of the factors we're discussing here, but I'm hoping we can keep it big picture.

Posted
I sincerely hope this doesn't degenerate into another porn is bad... no it's good... no it's bad discussions. Porn, and it's increased level of societal acceptance is certainly one of the factors we're discussing here, but I'm hoping we can keep it big picture.

 

It will. Tanbark is right, JS is like Hitler when it comes to these subjects. Be prepared. I think that's what Tanbark meant when he said, "Can open. Worms everywhere." :D

Posted
Can open. Worms everywhere.

 

:D

 

To quote Batman's Joker, "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and here we go...":lmao:

  • Author
Posted
I think there will always be one person that likes it way more than the other.

 

Well, since we don't have an objective measurement (Honey, I'm a 82 on the I like porn scale, what are you?) unless the differences are large it might be hard to tell. Do you see that problem as being widespread? Problematic?

Posted

pretty much every guy and girl I know have had 3 somes when they are single or dating people, or have had Anal sex or have really kinky sex and roll playing, I dont really know of many or any woman really who are prudes like that anymore... HOWEVER, these people men and woman can be sexually adventuress but usually tend to be in commited relationships, being completely and utterly open and vulnerable where you can be THAT comfortable and NOT feel like a peice of trashy garbage afterwards usually consists of having a strong bond and feelings and sometimes love for the person you are doing them with.

Swinging is stupid, you may as well just be single.. why have a title, those titles are reserved for us "UN OPEN and Old Fashioned..Un-Evolved" people!

 

Quite frankly I think we are de-evolving! because we are falling back into the same kind of practices neanderthal's used, Woman make babies!! be sex slave ... Have multiple Partner.. Uh Uh.. *beats chest and Clubs woman*

 

No lover, if he be of good faith, and sincere, will deny he would prefer to see his mistress dead than unfaithful.” - Marquis De Sade

Posted
People want their cake and to eat it to, and with as little to no work as possible in a realtionship to try to make things work. If that's the case,then people should not be together, period.

 

 

Agreed, and not to mention.. the more cake you eat the fatter you get and then you keel over and die of a heart attack! sweets are good in moderation.. not excess!

Posted
You'll see. Talking to JS about porn is like talking to Hitler about racial equality. :D

 

Maybe she'll sit this one out. :rolleyes:

 

Anyway, I'm not sure what to make of the increased sexual openess. You are only looking at a small snippet in time and one society.

 

There have been societies that are very open about sex. I was surprised to learn that the U.S. is quite prudish compared to some of the old Chinese, Roman, Greek, and old Native American (i.e., Aztec) societies. If you've read anything about the history of sex you'll know what I'm talking about. Orgies, prostitutes, courtesans, zoophilia and pedophilia were all common occurrences back in the old days. The Greek hetairai are pretty interesting because they were basically high class prostitutes that were much more educated and had more freedom than most women of their day, especially compared to the wives of the men they serviced. Now, prostitutes are generally frowned upon in much of the world. But prostitution is less needed because now women can (and do) have premaritial sex without as many of the consequences and stigmas and are more open about it. Plus the porn factor. ;)

 

Honestly, I think we probably are going backwards somewhat sexually, giving in to our basic animal instincts and urges more and using less restraint. But I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. Sex is a normal part of life and will always be for most. Food, sleep, and sex are the most basic needs an adult human being has. As long as it is not taken too far to the point where mass chaos ensues or we become like the Bonobos. If you never took an anthropology class you'll find the Bonobo's sex lives very interesting. :laugh:

 

The way I see it is different societies have various sexual norms. Some societies go through phases of sexual repression and liberation. It is like a pendulum that swings back and forth, but never settles on a happy medium because people are inherently insatiable. There will always be a battle of the ascetics vs. the hedonists.

  • Author
Posted
pretty much every guy and girl I know have had 3 somes when they are single or dating people, or have had Anal sex or have really kinky sex and roll playing, I dont really know of many or any woman really who are prudes like that anymore...

 

OK, so you concur sexual adventurousness is happening more today than in days gone by. But...

 

these people men and woman can be sexually adventuress but usually tend to be in commited relationships, being completely and utterly open and vulnerable where you can be THAT comfortable and NOT feel like a peice of trashy garbage afterwards usually consists of having a strong bond and feelings and sometimes love for the person you are doing them with.

 

This quote makes it sound like you think it's good. Yet you go on to say...

 

Swinging is stupid, you may as well just be single..

 

So which side of the fence are you on?

 

Quite frankly I think we are de-evolving! because we are falling back into the same kind of practices neanderthal's used, Woman make babies!! be sex slave ... Have multiple Partner.. Uh Uh.. *beats chest and Clubs woman*

 

Ahh, but there's a big difference! What's happening today is being driven and controlled by WOMEN! It's not devolving into the day that men ruled by force, it's moving forward to a point where women are in charge.

Posted

Women are in charge, l0l. Clearly being able to gang bang a chick and never need to talk to her or see her again really hurts men.

 

This "sexual revolution" crap has been one of the biggest pile's of BS ever, but it fits perfect in a world without self responsibility or respect.

 

Having your legs constantly open does not "empower" you anymore then injecting heroin 24/7, it feels good on the surface but that's it.

  • Author
Posted
Women are in charge, l0l. Clearly being able to gang bang a chick and never need to talk to her or see her again really hurts men.

 

If the "chick" in question wants to be gang banged, and the men in question want to participate, I'd say nobody got hurt.

 

it fits perfect in a world without self responsibility or respect.

 

So you consider increased sexual permissiveness as indicative of a lack of responsibility and respect? Why?

 

Having your legs constantly open does not "empower" you anymore then injecting heroin 24/7

 

So sex is the moral equivalent of hardcore drugs?

 

Of course your use of the phrase "having your legs constantly open" speaks volumes about your position. For the record, I am not a woman.

Posted
Women are in charge, l0l. Clearly being able to gang bang a chick and never need to talk to her or see her again really hurts men.

 

This "sexual revolution" crap has been one of the biggest pile's of BS ever, but it fits perfect in a world without self responsibility or respect.

 

Having your legs constantly open does not "empower" you anymore then injecting heroin 24/7, it feels good on the surface but that's it.

 

 

HERE HERE!!! *claps*

 

Men are no more less sluts then woman who will F**K anything and anything with a pulse, just because you CAN have sex doesnt mean you HAVE to or SHOULD.

 

People dont have any damn self restraint anymore, devients devients devients!! lol

I would rather have sex wiht my vibrator then go out and catch herpes because i suddenly had a sexual erge, and i felt that i was so liberated as a female that my power allowed me to pick up the first guy i see walking down the street!

 

woman just need more vibrators!! lol THAT is empowerment, to be able to get yourself off better than any man! hahahha

Posted

Every action has a reaction. Sexual revolution posts generate sexual counter-revolution posts. Those of us standing in the middle (who are over 30), mutter "a pox on both of your houses."

 

To the celebrants of the sexual revolution du jour (who, by the way are almost always young males or recently divorced middle-aged males), remember that revolutions have casualties--girl friends, wives, health. One person's "sexual liberation" is often another's betrayal and loss. The Human Heart needs more than Orgasms.

 

For the counter-revolutionists, lighten up. This isn't Armageddon, the Collapse of Morality or the End of Days. It's just a poster's views on how relationships should function. Get off your high horses.

Posted

Clearly we are more accepting of open porn use, etc...and I do feel that for most people it is a good thing to sow their wild oats before settling down and getting married...how many posts do we see from people who married young and now wonder what they have missed, what else is out there...

 

But - I disagree that society as a whole has evolved into some enlightened state. For one thing, society is only as evolved as the majority of individuals in it, and I do not see that most people are "cool" with infidelity, addictive porn use, and so on.

 

I suspect that the OP is very intelligent and also very young. Just like I was when I had similar thoughts about polyamory and expressed them within an open marriage. Big mistake.

 

I am sure that MOST of us would love to have free rein sexually, but I am also sure that MOST of us are not as eager to be with a partner who has the same. "My husband's jealousy is irrational but mine is well-founded" sort of thing. In the end, people are not at least at this evolutionary point in time, generally capable of dealing with the emotional clusterf**k that comes with "open relationships". I am not just talking about my own experience here, but what I have observed over time and other people's situations.

 

Most of us are not able to compartmentalize to both enjoy open sexuality and have a close exclusive bond with one other person.

 

I feel actually that a good counterargument could be made that our evolutionary advancement will in the end manifest itself in a capacity to forge that kind of bond in a much more healthy and complete manner, that we will be more emotionally equipped and more rational and less subservient to our own primal physical urges.

 

I don't see the problem so much being that we have to suppress our natural desires and give up all this sexual freedom in order to white-knuckle our way through a LTR.

 

I see the problem more as our inability to acheive the true intimacy we need in order to value the LTR more than whimsical self-indulgences.

Posted
Clearly we are more accepting of open porn use, etc...and I do feel that for most people it is a good thing to sow their wild oats before settling down and getting married...how many posts do we see from people who married young and now wonder what they have missed, what else is out there...

 

But - I disagree that society as a whole has evolved into some enlightened state. For one thing, society is only as evolved as the majority of individuals in it, and I do not see that most people are "cool" with infidelity, addictive porn use, and so on.

 

I suspect that the OP is very intelligent and also very young. Just like I was when I had similar thoughts about polyamory and expressed them within an open marriage. Big mistake.

 

I am sure that MOST of us would love to have free rein sexually, but I am also sure that MOST of us are not as eager to be with a partner who has the same. "My husband's jealousy is irrational but mine is well-founded" sort of thing. In the end, people are not at least at this evolutionary point in time, generally capable of dealing with the emotional clusterf**k that comes with "open relationships". I am not just talking about my own experience here, but what I have observed over time and other people's situations.

 

Most of us are not able to compartmentalize to both enjoy open sexuality and have a close exclusive bond with one other person.

 

I feel actually that a good counterargument could be made that our evolutionary advancement will in the end manifest itself in a capacity to forge that kind of bond in a much more healthy and complete manner, that we will be more emotionally equipped and more rational and less subservient to our own primal physical urges.

 

I don't see the problem so much being that we have to suppress our natural desires and give up all this sexual freedom in order to white-knuckle our way through a LTR.

 

I see the problem more as our inability to acheive the true intimacy we need in order to value the LTR more than whimsical self-indulgences.

 

A well-written post that reflects the hard won wisdom of experience.

Posted

Actually, the idea that we have "wild oats" that will be used up and make us ready to settle down is a myth about the way humans operate. If you continue a certain behavior, over time it becomes more normal to continue. Have bad eating habits? It's more easy to eat poorly. Diet and exericse? Once you practice it regulary it becomes a part of your life. Sleep around? Then that becomes your norm. So I agree that the idea of sowing your "wild oats" isn't exactly a healthy one because people don't have a number of oats they can sow before they "settle down". You are, what you practice on a regualr basis.

 

Women are in charge, l0l. Clearly being able to gang bang a chick and never need to talk to her or see her again really hurts men.

 

This "sexual revolution" crap has been one of the biggest pile's of BS ever, but it fits perfect in a world without self responsibility or respect.

 

Having your legs constantly open does not "empower" you anymore then injecting heroin 24/7, it feels good on the surface but that's it.

 

I could not agree more and this is what I was touching on in my own post. I don't really think women are really all that "empowered". And I think it has effected relationships negatively.

 

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So why not do both?

 

For the same reason I don't eat cheesecake everyday even though I like a good piece of cheese cake. I would be fat. The funny thing about America is that we look down on those who have no self control when it comes to food, yet people who exhibit little self control sexually (IE multiple partners, cheating, porn), are excused. It's funny if you think about it because both sex and food are impluse driven desires. The only difference is you can see the damange food does visually. You can't see the damange sex does. but don't be fooled that it isn't doing it's own damange.

 

 

What I personally consider "mainstream" porn is consenting adult humans in groups of 2 or more participating and being sexual on camera, and very much represents the reality of my sexuality, not just an unattainable fantasy. What aspects of mainstream porn (and let's leave it at that, I know there's some sick stuff out there, but I'd like to leave that beyond the scope of this discussion) do you find unrepresentative of real women's sexuality?

 

Well to be honest, I think our culture has become much more pornified. And guys will defend porn saying "it's just fantasy" but the truth is more women are trying to look like the fantasy and more men want to do the acitivities seen in the "fantasy movie". The line between fantasy and reality is not as clear cut anymore.

 

Most mainstream porn is of a limited stereotypes of the same type of girl in age, looks, body type and action. There is a vareity of looks that no one real life woman can compete with but the vareity is interchangble as it's really just a different face on the same body. And usually the situation and looks of the girl in the movie are so hyper-visual as to get a resposne from the viewer, it sets up a standard of sexuality that isn't real. Is this a possible reality? Of course. Not saying it isn't. Because I think more people are trying to have porno-like sex then ever before, at the same time claiming it's "just a fantasy". So one can't help but wonder just how much this fantasy world has defined what sexuality is for us. Especially for women as defined by what men want women to be and not who wome really are. I don't really think we have reached a point where men really accept women for who they are and for what their true sexuality is. Over extravigated body parts, with over extravigated actions with over extravigated moans and groans is how porn defines a woman's sexuality. We have to look a certain way now and act a certain way to be worthy of having a male who wants to be with us. And this standard is defined in porn, a medium that men are very suseptial to and who if they are honest, really do want their own woman to act more like the girls in porn and be more like the girls in porn.

 

Any loser who calls a woman a name for liking sex is most assuredly on the back side.

 

Maybe for you but alot of men still define women by the name of "slut" and "whore". And infact it s some weird thing we have that men like "sluts" yet they defame women who are "sluts" at the same time. That is men defining women's sexuality. And how many porn movies do infact refer to women in degrogatory names? You say that men are losers who call women names for liking sex but how much porn and men do just that ? Quite alot.

 

You'll see. Talking to JS about porn is like talking to Hitler about racial equality.

 

 

Talking to most men about porn is like talking to hilter about racial equality. :lmao: Talking to me about porn is like Martin Luther King Jr. Talking about racial equality and "I have a dream..".

  • Author
Posted
For one thing, society is only as evolved as the majority of individuals in it, and I do not see that most people are "cool" with infidelity, addictive porn use, and so on.

 

I would absolutely agree with this statement, then again "infidelity" and "addictive" porn use was not what I was talking about.

 

I suspect that the OP is very intelligent and also very young.

 

Thank you for the compliment, I'd like to think I'm intelligent as well. As for young, alas, 2008 represents the last full year where the first digit of my age is less than 4.

 

Just like I was when I had similar thoughts about polyamory and expressed them within an open marriage. Big mistake.

 

Here, I'm confused. You were in an open marriage, expressed interest about polyamory, and that led to drama? Or am I misreading this?

 

Most of us are not able to compartmentalize to both enjoy open sexuality and have a close exclusive bond with one other person.

 

I agree, however that does not preclude my hypothesis (that society is evolving into a more enlightened relationship with our own sexuality). By my observations, despite the fact that most are not able to do so now, the ratio of those who can vs. those who can't is rising in favor of those who can. Will it ever become ubiquitous? Certainly not in our lifetimes, but who knows.

 

I see the problem more as our inability to acheive the true intimacy we need in order to value the LTR more than whimsical self-indulgences.

 

I believe that more and more people are realizing you can have both.

 

I don't want this to be pigeon-holed as about nothing but open sexuality, that is most certainly a subset of the discussion but it's not everything. We see drama in adult romantic relationships for SOOOO many reasons, mostly having to do with our expectations of what's proper behavior from our spouse.

 

Now, we'll never reach the point where we have no expectations, or complete lassis-faire attitudes, but to the extent that it makes sense to realize that by releasing the expectations, the behavior in and of itself really isn't an issue.

 

My wife flirted with that stud waiter! Really? So what, she's going home with you.

 

My husband subscribed to Playboy magazine!! Once again, so what?

 

If an action has no negative consequence, why in the world would we have the expectation that the action not happen? Is sacrifice, solely for the sake of sacrifice, really a good thing?

 

I'm not sure I'm doing a good job conveying my thoughts here, it feels a little disjointed, but let's see what folks have to say.

Posted

"I beleive that more and more people are realizing you can have both."

 

I agree, that most people do realize this, but mostly its about if that is what a person wants or not.

Posted

OP--

 

Do you have kids? If so, what have you told them about sexuality in the confines of a relationship?

 

Are they aware of your lifestyle?

 

Please know, I am not judging your lifestyle, but I am very curious.

Posted

Shifting moralities"

 

Where am I supposed to be shifting them to? I like them where they are. :)

Posted

Someone mentioned something before that made a lot of sense and should not be glossed over which is that most people are willing to let go of their inhibitions within the confines of a committed relationship. When you are in a committed relationship filled with trust, that is usually when you allow your so called "wild" side to come out. Couples actually have a higher propensity for sexual experimentation and even deviancy more than single people. And sexual experimentation is even more common among older and long-term couples. So maybe our society is not going to sh*t as much as we think afterall. People still place a very high value on commited relationships.

 

I can participate in some weird sexual activities with my boyfriend, things that will, outside of my relationship, make me shudder. But when you're laying around in bed all day on a saturday, alternating between sex, naps and food, you find yourself coming up with some strange experiments involving mostly sex and food.:o:D

Posted
Shifting moralities"

 

Where am I supposed to be shifting them to? I like them where they are. :)

 

People, especially young ones, love to believe that they're on the cutting edge of a New Morality, a Changing Zeitgeist or Shifting Moralities. This vanguard mentality can embolden outre behavior: One can have fun and be Hip, too. On the other side, these self-ordained Sexual Radicals can look down their noses (or penises) at the uptight, sexually chained (and not in a fun way) repressed majority.

 

If only life, and sex, were that simple. Most have us have marriages, mortgages and kids. We're too busy surviving from day-to-day to concern ourselves with polyamory or the latest sexual fetish and practices. We want good marriages, and if the sex (however conventional) is good, too, we consider ourselves doubly blessed.

 

At the end of the day, life is about caring far more than it is about swinging.

Posted
People, especially young ones, love to believe that they're on the cutting edge of a New Morality, a Changing Zeitgeist or Shifting Moralities. This vanguard mentality can embolden outre behavior: One can have fun and be Hip, too. On the other side, these self-ordained Sexual Radicals can look down their noses (or penises) at the uptight, sexually chained (and not in a fun way) repressed majority.

 

If only life, and sex, were that simple. Most have us have marriages, mortgages and kids. We're too busy surviving from day-to-day to concern ourselves with polyamory or the latest sexual fetish and practices. We want good marriages, and if the sex (however conventional) is good, too, we consider ourselves doubly blessed.

 

At the end of the day, life is about caring far more than it is about swinging.

 

 

Wonderful post! :love:

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