The new sexual revolution: Porn, Swingers, and shifting moralities

[sxyNYCcpl]

If that title doesn't get a lot of clicks, nothing ever will!

 

I spend a good deal of time reading about human sexuality and behaviors. I have also read through some of the round-and-round again arguments about porn usage, whether or not texting amounts to an affair, and the ever so useful statements that "all men do this" or "all women do that". Based on much of that material, I have begun to draw some conclusions.

 

I believe we are in the middle of a new sexual revolution, the outcome of which will be a healthier, happier, more open relationship with our own sexuality, but there are some people who are emphatically NOT happy about it.

 

To a degree, I think this revolution was seeded during the 1960's "free love", but I think it's being fueled by technology advances since then. Yes, online porn is but a few clicks away, but that's only a subset of what I'm talking about. The ability to communicate so rapidly and with so many people, in combination with the instant availability of information has led us to a place that includes rapid advancement in our sexual practices. Things that were once verboten are now accepted, and I predict will soon be considered normal, desirable even by most people.

 

One of the most positive changes we're starting to see is that women today are becoming much more sexually empowered and are taking ownership of their sexuality, rather than allow yesterdays puritanical attitudes to rule their lives. They're realizing that it's okay to step up and say, "Hey, I like sex too!" Indeed, I believe that this shift from "Good girls don't" to "Hell yes, we do" is what's fanning the flames behind these changes in society.

 

What kind of changes? Lots.

 

Porn was once viewed as something only a few male deviants were into, now it's commonly used by men, women, and couples.

 

It's now much more socially acceptable to have a conversation amongst casual acquaintances about aspects of your sexuality.

 

Sexual monogamy, while still very much the norm, is being put to the test as more and more people conclude that it's not required, or even desirable, to have a healthy, long term relationship.

 

Sex acts that were once literally illegal are now nearly universally practiced in committed relationships.

 

Female bisexuality seems to be very much on the increase, or at least being less hidden.

 

Sexually themed clothing (for example a hat with the Playboy Rabbit logo, or a shirt that says "Pornstar") is now fairly common, even for women.

 

Gay marriage, a topic that once was such a joke that it wasn't even on the table, is on the verge of being a reality in many places, and I predict will be near universal not too many years down the road.

 

Popular entertainment is also becoming more sexualized as time goes by, with shows like Californication and Swingtown on major networks, and songs like "I kissed a girl" (sung by a girl) at the top.

 

In short, what's happening is that acceptable sexual practices are expanding beyond twice a month, with the lights off and the shade drawn, behind closed doors in the missionary position only. Personally, I think that's a good thing, but as I mentioned earlier there are some people who would vehemently disagree with my assessment.

 

You can see many examples here at LS, people who argue that porn is inherently evil, those who make knee jerk statements like "swinging will kill your relationship", even those who are offended by their partner desiring to partake in certain sex acts. For some reason, these folks, usually but by no means always women, wish to hold onto the "Good girls don't" that we were saddled with for so long. I genuinely feel bad for them, as they're letting their preconceptions keep them from evolving.

 

What say you?

[tanbark813]

I fully support women having more sex.

[marlena]

I fully support women having more sex.

 

 

That was funny!:laugh:

 

BUT would you marry one?

[tanbark813]

BUT would you marry one?

 

Of course. I sure as hell wouldn't marry a woman who didn't have sex.

[JackJack]

Maybe your view of others and how they feel and having a "knee jerk response" is maybe the way you come across to them as well.

 

If you want to swing from the rafters, swing away, but don't put others down because they don't share your view.

[sxyNYCcpl]

I don't.

 

In fact, quite the opposite, especially when it comes to swinging (but really it could apply to any sexual act or practice) I fully acknowledge that it's not appropriate for everyone. What gets my feathers ruffled up is people who think because something isn't appropriate for them, it is therefore not acceptable or appropriate for other people. That's called projecting.

[JackJack]

I don't.

 

In fact, quite the opposite, especially when it comes to swinging (but really it could apply to any sexual act or practice) I fully acknowledge that it's not appropriate for everyone. What gets my feathers ruffled up is people who think because something isn't appropriate for them, it is therefore not acceptable or appropriate for other people. That's called projecting.

 

I understand what you're saying. However, when you say they have "knee jerk responses" or "its sad because they aren't allowing themselves to evolve", then that is pretty much what you're doing to them as well.

 

It comes across as if they would just allow porn viewing, or swinging or whatever, then they could "evolve" more, maybe some people don't need that in their lives to evolve. I'm just saying.

[sxyNYCcpl]

It comes across as if they would just allow porn viewing, or swinging or whatever, then they could "evolve" more, maybe some people don't need that in their lives to evolve. I'm just saying.

 

Perhaps.

 

But, how many conflicts, how many broken relationships, how many threads on this very board are caused because one person in a couple wants to limit their sexuality to just A, B, and C, whereas the other wants to include D, E, and F as well?

 

What if opening horizons to other possibilities eased or prevented conflicts rather than creating them? Wouldn't that then be a viable strategy that ought be seriously considered? (Incidentally, and to try to get back to my original points, from a big picture perspective I think that's exactly what is happening.)

[JackJack]

"But, how many conflicts, how many broken relationships, how many threads on this very board are caused because one person in a couple wants to limit their sexuality to just A, B, and C, whereas the other wants to include D, E, and F as well?"

 

Then perhaps they are with the wrong person. OR they should come to some kind of compromise, those are things that have been suggested before when this issue has come up.

 

If one person wants to swing and the other doesn't, and neither can come to an agreement, then the one who wants to swing should find someone who shares the same views, just as the one who doesn't want to swing. Same thing for porn, if one loves it, and the other doesn't if there is no compromise then find someone who shares the same view.

[sxyNYCcpl]

Agreed, in any given couple if no compromise can be reached then separation is likely the only viable alternative.

 

I would like to steer this back to big picture issues, and my points about societal changes rather than dealing with the practices of any specific (even if only hypothetical) couple. What do you think about my original post, am I right, wrong? Is it good, bad?

[Jersey Shortie]

The truth is, that within human sexuality, we both have the ability and desire to be either promiscuous or monogmous. We have certain chemicals that cater to our promiscuous side and certain chemicals to cater to our monogmous side. People want to have sex with different people just as much as they want to and desire to bond with one person. So the whole concept that it is unnatural for a human being to be monogmous and it's more natural to be promiscuous is based on false grounding and mis-information. We are designed to be both promiscous and monogmous. It's a clever system that makes what we chose mentality the ulitmate gift then just what our hormones tell us to do either way.

 

I would agree we have gone through a sexual change within society, but I disagree that this "revolution" has or is leading to healther, happier, more open and connected relationships. People want life both ways and they don't want to have to make a choice either way or put the work into anything for the long haul. If you think about it, the ulitmate demise of people is their desire to pick short term pleasures over long term goals. Want that donut? Go ahead? Want to go back to school but having too much fun going out everytime instead? That's okay. Want to bang someone else? Go ahead. Want that new Hummer that eats gas like a cow in a field? Go ahead. New pair of over priced shoes? Get it! You want it, you get it. We must have what we want and we must have what we want now. Your current marriage having issues? That's okay. Just divorce and find a new mate. That one doesn't work out? That's okay..there are 6 billion people on the plant that want to bang as much as you do. We live in a *me* society that we treat disposably.

 

And I really question if women are all that more empowered today in their sexuality then they were in my mother's time or if we are just slaves to a new kind of sexuality dictated by the media about telling us what is beautiful and how a woman should be sexual. This is not a slight against porn (and we know I can come up with many). But porn is not about women truly being open and sexual. Porn is a how a man defines a woman's sexuality and what he wants it to be. And porn is fantasy. So to say that porn liberate women doesn't seem completely right or fair. Porn is a circus stereotype about what men want woman's seuxality to be. Not what a woman's sexuality really is. Is that really about empowering women or empowering men who still have quite a bit of control in the sexuality of women?

 

Is obvious and lewd sexuality empowering or degrading? I don't know the answer to that but I don't think it means 100% that because women are allowed to express heir sexuality in more rauchy terms now that it has been liberating for women. women still get called names for liking sex. Women are still put into stereotypes. I think that we have swung to the opposite end of the spectrum from puritanical beliefs. And someone where in the middle is probably what healthy really is. We just aren't there yet.

 

12 year old girls are giving boys blow jobs on school buses. Grown men are trying to lure teenagers off the internet for sex. Girls wearing Play boy outfits and pornstar tee shirts isn't empowering or really about sexuality. is sex more open? For sure. Is it healthy? I don't know about that.

 

There are pluses and minus to everything. But to think that we are in a fair and open sexual revolution would be inaccurate.

[XNemesisX]

I don't know. I'm pretty liberal but even I think there's a problem when you have a society that doesn't see anything wrong with absolutely anything and literally anything goes. How many threads do you see on here related to retroactive jealousy because of some of these more sexually carefree attitudes? All it does is HURT people. I wish we lived in a society that has more respect for relationships, marriage, and families. I'm glad we aren't as repressed as we used to be but going to the extreme opposite end of the spectrum isn't exactly good either.

[Sks]

Never have kids please, never..........

[Trialbyfire]

I don't see it as right or wrong. I do see it as your view and trust me, it's not my view.

 

Each person will define their own morality and sexually, to whatever their level of comfort. As long as your views aren't forced onto me, it's moot to me. That there are many people with similar views as myself, allows me to continue to have a reasonably sized dating pool, albeit reduced by other natural filters of personal needs and wants.

[manugeorge]

I think it's good that we are becoming less of a repressed society a la circa 1500s but it's also important not to let it all go to **** where everything becomes a free for all and there are no more boundaries. It's good that we have neo conversatives, ultra conservatives, conservatives, middle-of the road, independents, liberals, hippies, uber liberals, and anarchists. Each cluster is represented and that diversity is what makes society more interesting and allows us to have issues to argue about:D

 

If only we can learn better how to live and let live, then we'd be all set.

[Lizzie60]

I have to disagree.. I don't think the outcome would be healthier and happier, and I'm talking for the majority of people who still believe in long-term relationships.

 

This sexual revolution has started a long time ago.. even before the 'hippies love and peace' era..

 

The Internet has made it way easier for men and women to cheat and be more sexual (only a click away as you say)...

 

That's why, IMO, it's impossible now and will remain impossible to have a monogamous long term relationship.

 

Sex has been banalized by the medias mostly and made easy with the Internet...

 

We are sooo used to see 'beautiful' people on TV, papers, magazines, etc.. that the standards have become way way higher.. therefore... men (who are visual creatures) wants more from their partner (bigger breasts, to be more sexually adventurous, etc.)

 

The only way, IMO, that this could be reverse, is with education and if the government puts more reglementation on the medias.. and by popular massive stand-up (I don't have the right word here ) against all the porn, violence, etc...

 

In a way, I feel sorry for the young people now, a lot of people (men and women) want their marriage/relationship to last because they want to build something solid, a family, etc. but, the reality makes it almost impossible to realize.. we're bombarded with sexual, violent messages 24/7... plus I should add that unless women and men become more 'equals' those chances are even diminished.. Sad..

[sxyNYCcpl]

People want to have sex with different people just as much as they want to and desire to bond with one person.

 

So why not do both?

 

But porn is not about women truly being open and sexual. Porn is a how a man defines a woman's sexuality and what he wants it to be. And porn is fantasy.

 

That's an over-generalization I think. There is so much variety in porn, from the lame to the over-the-top extreme, I think you'll have to more narrowly define what you mean. What I personally consider "mainstream" porn is consenting adult humans in groups of 2 or more participating and being sexual on camera, and very much represents the reality of my sexuality, not just an unattainable fantasy. What aspects of mainstream porn (and let's leave it at that, I know there's some sick stuff out there, but I'd like to leave that beyond the scope of this discussion) do you find unrepresentative of real women's sexuality?

 

 

I don't know the answer to that but I don't think it means 100% that because women are allowed to express heir sexuality in more raunchy terms now that it has been liberating for women. women still get called names for liking sex. Women are still put into stereotypes.

 

Well, I think we're still in the midst of these societal level changes. Therefore, when you look at individuals instead of society as a whole, you still have a range of behaviors from those who are ahead of the curve, to those who are behind. Any loser who calls a woman a name for liking sex is most assuredly on the back side.

 

But to think that we are in a fair and open sexual revolution would be inaccurate.

 

How, then, would you describe it?

[grogster]

Sex would be perfect but for relationships. There's the rub.

I'm 57, and I've lived through innumerable "sexual revolutions".

Most are media events tied to book or magazine publishing.

The problem: while radical sexual desire is revolutionary most of us lead conservative sexual lives that play out in relationships governed by the reality principle.

 

Plus, as long as AIDS lurks most of us will settle for reform, not revolution.

 

Still, celebrate the carnal.

[blair08]

People want their cake and to eat it to, and with as little to no work as possible in a realtionship to try to make things work. If that's the case,then people should not be together, period.

[tanbark813]

What aspects of mainstream porn (and let's leave it at that, I know there's some sick stuff out there, but I'd like to leave that beyond the scope of this discussion) do you find unrepresentative of real women's sexuality?

 

Can open. Worms everywhere.

 

[sxyNYCcpl]

I don't know. I'm pretty liberal but even I think there's a problem when you have a society that doesn't see anything wrong with absolutely anything and literally anything goes.

 

I don't think I'm suggesting that's happening, and I'm certainly not endorsing it if it is. But do you think we're getting closer to it? Is that good?

 

How many threads do you see on here related to retroactive jealousy because of some of these more sexually carefree attitudes?

 

Well, zero to tell you the truth, but I'm a relatively new participant. What do you mean by retroactive jealousy, that someone agreed to try something new, and then after the fact it was an issue?

 

What inspired my original post was reading the back and forth, circular same-old same-old arguments about porn, yet at the same time realizing that as a society we are in fact much more accepting and tolerant of it than we used to be, even if individuals continue to argue. I didn't want to jump into that maelstrom, so I decided to expand upon the idea from just porn to bigger picture sexuality.

[grogster]

Can open. Worms everywhere.

 

 

I hear you. I'm outta here.

[blair08]

I hear you. I'm outta here.

 

:laugh:

[tanbark813]

Well, zero to tell you the truth, but I'm a relatively new participant. What do you mean by retroactive jealousy, that someone agreed to try something new, and then after the fact it was an issue?

 

Posts about retroactive jealousy show up fairly often. It's usually from a younger guy upset that his gf slept with a few guys before they were together.

[Trialbyfire]

If we all had AIDs, we wouldn't have to worry about contracting it!