Broke up was tired of limbo but still sad

[SarahRose]

I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. I'm on the other side of the world from my family and it is 5am there. I think it will help to write everything out and come here when I feel like calling him.

 

I broke up with my bf of 4 years last night and here is my story.

 

I had been with him all this time and I really thought we were going to move towards marriage after I moved here. Yeah I moved to another country for him.

 

I thought the distance was preventing our rs from moving forward.

 

I got here and we dated like normal people and it was great! Great just living a few miles away instead of thousands away. So from the time I got here until yesterday we saw each other every week.

 

Anyway, I noticed the relationship wasn't progressing. He didn't move it forward. I also noticed that he was doing the same things he did while we were apart that annoyed me.

 

Things were good though overall. Feb 29th was coming up and I decided to propose to him.

 

After getting up the courage to do it, he replied with he wasn't ready yet.

 

I said that is fine but it has been 3.5 years and I am going to be deciding whether I'm going to stay or not.

 

So things went on as usual and the next few weeks he mentioned us moving in together at the end of our leases in Sept. So I thought this is good. He is finally moving things forward. So I just dropped the marriage talks and enjoyed the rs or tried to.

 

I started to obsess about it. I didn't tell him about that but my mind was just churning and churning on what to do and why doesn't he marry me?

 

Anyway fast forward to July. I start looking for a new place to live. He comes with me to look.

 

Then the next week I find out he is going to look for places on his own.

 

So I asked what happened to us getting a place together and then he said he didn't want to live with anyone.

 

We were in public sort of and I just shut up until we got home. I was pretty mad and asked him about it and asked him about marriage etc. He said he didn't know if he wanted to get married or not. I was ticked and said thanks a lot. Why didn't you tell me that 2 years ago? Why not tell me before I moved to another country for you?

 

So I went home. Later we made up but things were just getting worse in my mind. I was becoming more unhappy and resentful.

 

So things came to a head for me yesterday morning. He spent the night and we took a love quiz together and some of his answers set me off. I hid my hurt from him though and just got ready for work and dropped him off too.

 

I got home from work and decided to just go over and do it. So I did. I got there and told him I just came by for a minute to talk to him about something and he says, oh oh.

 

So we sat down and he was holding me and gosh that made it even harder and we discussed our day a little. Then I said you probably want to know what I wanted to talk about and he said yes.

 

And I said I want to end our relationship.

 

He said Why?

 

I said I just can't continue on in a relationship with no commitment.

 

So we talked a little more. He didn't defend himself or anything. I just explained I wanted a future with a commitment.

 

I said what are we going to do in the future?

 

He said what do you mean. I said 5 years from now. Do you have any plans and he said not really.

 

So it just went like that. I was trying not to cry but did and he was too.

 

We sat there and held each other for a little while and then I said I should go home and then he walked me to the door and we hugged and I said goodnight Hun as I walked out the door.

 

I got to the car and was sobbing and sobbing. sigh.

 

So that is my breakup story. It is so hard to do this when you love someone so much but gosh I can't see myself being 50 years old telling people I have a bf for xx years but he won't live with me. Sheesh.

 

I have to be strong and not call him.

 

I guess if he really wants me he'll come get me.

[Treasa]

I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

I think you did the right thing, and I agree that you should not contact him. If he realizes you mean enough to him to make a commitment to you, and if that's what you really want, he'll either let you know, or you'll find someone who will do that for you.

 

For what it's worth, I think you're a strong person, and admire what you did.

[lofi_tokyo]

I also really admire what you did. I was in a similar situation and its so difficult to make yourself break up with someone, although you love them, because you know the relationship isn't going anywhere. When I broke up with my ex, we also just sat together and cried. For a while, that really confused me... and it had me coming back to him with questions about why we were ending this.

 

You're so strong for being able to just get up and walk away. I have been on no contact now for about a week, but I did not have the strength to do that immediately. I kept on pushing for a miracle, I wish I had realized sooner I needed to be my own person.

 

At least, both of us are moving on with our lives. We'll find great men someday - I know it!

[thirtythree]

I think you did the right thing --- breaking up with someone you love is never easy, even if it is for the right reasons

 

I did it too - right now much of my energy is taken up trying to move on. I'm not gonna lie, it sucks.

[SarahRose]

Thanks ladies. It is so hard to say bye to someone you love so much.

 

I knew I had to push the issue as I hadn't been happy for awhile and the mental turmoil was just too much. I figure he'll either realize he really does love me and come and commit or he'll slink away and that means he never was going to commit anyway.

 

It is so hard though.

 

I haven't felt the urge to contact him. He hasn't contacted me either and it has almost been 48 hours. He might be thinking I won't be mad in a few days and call him to make up. I won't though.

 

I've been going back and reading old posts online and just thinking about all the things that have happened over the years with us.

 

The more I think about it, except for in the beginning, he wasn't a good boyfriend. He seldom put much effort into us.

[HopeDiesLast]

doesnt that make you so mad? that you put ur heart into something and they dont wanna try? dont wanna put the effort in? that might have been the worst part for me.

 

somehow i still wish i could argue with him and point out how hard i tried. it wouldnt get me anywhere, so i wont. but i feel like he just doesnt give a sh*t ya know?

[SarahRose]

It does make me very angry!

 

I feel led on and used.

 

I mean I gave up my life to move from the US to Australia.

 

I do feel like he was too lazy and just didn't give a crap to make the effort.

 

I think you could argue the point with him but he'd probably have some smarmy thing to say.