used2bspunky Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 He lied to me.. all that crap about not wanting a woman in his life right now.. I knew it I just knew it.. His friend, this girl who has been looking out for me a bit, wanting us to work out, just text me. That she heard he was on a date. I feel like throwing up. Omg.. OMg omg..
Author used2bspunky Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Oh guys I need some support here... I was lied to. Duped. Oh wow.. I guess this is one way to get over him quickly?
watermeloncandy Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 yep. they are liars. mine told me he wanted nothing to do with dating anyone or a relationship for quite a while. he said he wanted to focus on himself. he said be didn't think he'd be able to get anyone anyways...blah blah ****ing blah. guess what, he's got a profile up in lavalife! looking for someone to date and if it turns into long-term then 'great'! they don't give a sh*t about us. they really don't. they think only about themselves. i'm sending my a-hole ex a letter telling him exactly how i feel about what he's doing and his lying to me and that i do not want him in my life in any way anymore. i'd suggest you think about doing the same. write a letter. write several. then either mail one, or burn it. then get on with your life. they are SO NOT worth all our tears, heartache and sadness. and i've learned that no matter how much of your heart your pour out to them, they won't listen. they won't care. guys like that just don't. he's a prick. get rid of him completely and go enjoy your life. that's what i plan on doing.
ahhhchooo Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 It's hard to imagine the world without him, I'm sure, but it's there waiting for you. In time you'll be fine, take it one day at a time and focus on yourself, not what he's doing
holly86 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Don't send any letters to him!!! Honestly...he'll only laugh about it to his friends and see you as an ex psycho bitch which i'm sure you're not! Just don't talk to him! I'm in the same boat! He dumped me and told me ALL of these nice things...aka 'i love you but i just want to be single again to find myself again. just concentrate on ME. I don't want to date...bla bla bla.' I fell for it and guess what? I should have just told him to have a great life without me and to never talk to me again...in a nice polite way and just walked out of his life! Instead I told him I wanted to try and be friends somewhere down the line or even maybe see if we can get back together sometime in the future! He told me he loved me and turned around and a week later met a girl and asked her out! They are now official! It doesn't take a week or even a month to get over someone! So he lied...BUT after feeling sooo upset I seemed to finally be able to accept the fact that this is IT! And now I'm fine! I'm sure I'll have my ups and downs but I am nowhere near as depressed as I was a week ago! Hang in there! Just don't do something you'll regret because you're angry!! Good luck!
CherishG Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 ^ I totally agree with Holly, DON'T CONTACT HIM OR EMAIL, NOTHING. Be the bigger person and take the high road. I know your hella pist right now and you want him to know how much this is hurting you, but he ain't gonna care. All it's gonna do is actually make his ego get bigger. He will be thinking in the back of his mind, "Wow, she really is affected by this..." Don't do it. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, but better now than if you were still together.
Konfuzion Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 It sucks and I know my ex girl friend of 4 years was on a date in under 48 hours from breaking up with me. Dont give him the pleasure of getting a letter from you just move on and forget him.
Intergalactic Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 i'm so sorry to hear that. i know it can't be easy and you're probably feeling terrible, but try and calm down and breathe, because it's going to be okay. YOU will soon enough (as soon as YOU want to) be going on dates too. while i don't believe in the words "he's not worth it" unless he's done something truly horrible, i also don't recommend sending any letters or contacting him to bitch him out because the reality is that you broke up and he is perfectly entitled to spend his time trying to meet other women if that's what he wants. i know you probably wanted to get back together, but it probably wasn't going to happen, he may want to experience being with other people for a while, and you should too. it hurts, but try and let it sink in and then take a deep breath and tell yourself that you WILL get over it and meet other funny, genuine men who will WANT to be with you. because it's true.
D-Lish Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I disagree that he doesn't care. He's a jerk, yes, and not worthy of your love. But many people start dating so soon after a break up in order to avoid dealing with the pain of the break up. That's why they call them rebound relationships- and they rarely work. At some point- a person needs to deal with the loss. Dating so soon afterward is just hiding from it. I just don't want you to think that him dating is indicative of you never meaning anything to him. That's not the case. He's selfish and heartless to do this so soon after the break up. He's only thinking of himself. That's what you need to do now. Start thinking about yourself- and what steps you need to make to get over this.
HopeDiesLast Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Most dumpers are thinking of themselves i think. it doesnt mean they never loved you or cared for you. i think if you spend any significant amount of time on someone, the love has to be there. But the reason he wanted out was probably something to do with HIM, first. maybe he thought secondly that the situation wouldnt be fair to you if he stayed in it half-heartedly. I'll agree with D-lish that its way too soon to jump into anything without dealing with the loss. its not fair to the other person and its a waste of his own time. But alot of times people who check-out of relationships do it long before the actual break up happens. they still need time to get over it after...but as a dumpee needing maybe 6 mos to get over it....they wont need as much time as us. make sense?
Author used2bspunky Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Thanks so much everyone.. I have not, and will not, contact him. As hurt as I am and angry and wanting to upset HIM, I realize that this is what he wanted, so my actions at this point will do nothing but place me in a bad light. I am the bigger person.. I walked away gracefully when we broke up with my goodbye text, saying I'd all always love him, to take care of himself, and I will miss you. I could have told him to F off, or he'd regret it, but I did not. I'm content with the fact that I spoke from my heart, even though he chose not to respond at all to that. I also know that I was good to him and know that he could never have anything bad to say about me. The fact that his female friend (who alerted me to this info).. says he has YET to tell her that we have broken up, just says something. It's been over 2 weeks and he never told her? It wasn't meant to be, plain and simple and I DO want someone who wants to be with me. I suspect I have lost about 13 lbs. or so during this ordeal and can only learn from it I suppose. And for the time being, there is still love in my heart for him.. it will take a long, long while before anyone can have that from me again and in all honesty, he'd have to completely blow my doors off and win my heart over.. I deserve nothing less than that. It's a shame it did not work out. We had a great great time.. and he introduced me to his best friends and brought me into his life - that isn't easy for him to do, so I know that I was special. His friend still contends that he had deep feelings for me and did not know what to do with them.. True or not, this is the path someone has chosen (for us). I am sounding strong, but I was up until 4am and I am quite possibly still in a bit of shock at this news. I am telling myself over and over to "buck up" as I am holding back the tears here at work...it was news I needed to hear though. My plans for the next two days are to color my hair and get it cut.. and buy myself some smaller clothes... and look to surround myself with positive people... new friends, new places to go.. just newness. I hope it works out for him, she makes him happy and he finally has what he wants and needs. I, apparently, could not, but goodness will find me somehow. And a good man.
baby-boo Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 i did the same thing after my ex finished me. lost a stone, went from long haired blonde to short haired brunette. well done for being strong.
EmperorR Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 mine the same, told me she want to be alone etc. Run the other day I find out as has a crush on some guy at we university less than a week after we break up, and they have so much in cpmmon as I told her it will prob fail just that excitement of Meeting someone new after being in a long relationship is the only feeling it Is
Author used2bspunky Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 I am 38 years old and I swear, this is the first time I have actually ever truly loved someone.. the pain I am feeling is like no other I have ever experienced. When I heard this last night, the noises that came out of me sounded almost like an animal being tortured.. they came from deep within that's for sure... My actions in all this are like no other.. I love him so much I let him go -- It took me a while to finally get it and texts had to escalate to nasty tones before it sunk in, but in the end, I did not go back after the fact and beg, plead.. send texts, emails.. call like crazy. Because I love him. Is that nuts? Even after last night - I just can't and will never contact him again. I believe that if love is meant to be it just happens.. and whatever is meant to be for me will just "happen". I feel a bit like Carrie with Big, in Sex and the City...
HopeDiesLast Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 lol me too used2be....im with you 100%
Treasa Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Everyone else already said what I was going to say, so I'll just add this. Never tell a person who dumped you that you'll always love him. For one thing, even though you may think you always will, eventually that may change. Also, I don't think it helps make you look good. I think guys may think, "She'll always love me...I can use her as a backup if I ever need to." Instead, be cool and make it perfectly clear that you're going to move on just as he is.
Author used2bspunky Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Everyone else already said what I was going to say, so I'll just add this. Never tell a person who dumped you that you'll always love him. For one thing, even though you may think you always will, eventually that may change. Also, I don't think it helps make you look good. I think guys may think, "She'll always love me...I can use her as a backup if I ever need to." Instead, be cool and make it perfectly clear that you're going to move on just as he is. Well too late for that. I said that stuff over 2 weeks ago.
Treasa Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 Yeah, but going forward I would definitely refrain from it. So how are you holding up today?
Author used2bspunky Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 Yeah, but going forward I would definitely refrain from it. So how are you holding up today? You don't understand - I will never speak to him again. What is there to say? He had me, things were fantastic, he obiously met someone that he felt was more worthwhile and he let me go. I have nothing to say to him. I am not doing well today. I can't wait to go home and just lay on my couch. I don't think I am going out for a while - I had been making habit these past few months, of dining out alone at my favorite bars (becoming a regular), chatting with other patrons and the bartender. But even that feels like too much pressure for me, you know what I mean? I think I just simply need some solitude, to do what I want.. and if that means going to bed at 7pm and sleeping in, so be it. He kept saying I need to be alone and I'm not ready for a relationship.. well, I guess he forced this one upon me, didn't he
Treasa Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 I do understand. I'm saying don't tell any other guy that. I don't think he met someone else who was more worthwhile. It sounds as though he's rebounding. However, your self-esteem was damaged by hearing the news that he was out with someone else, so you're assuming the worst. I know what you mean about not wanting to go out, but do you have any close friends who can visit with you and just keep you company let you talk for a while? I don't know you well enough to say if you need to be alone, but you ultimately know best what it is that you want. I've been where you are and know how you feel. Do you have any hobbies? For example, I take martial arts. Even if it sucks to make myself do it when I'm depressed, I always feel better afterward.
Author used2bspunky Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 I do understand. I'm saying don't tell any other guy that. I don't think he met someone else who was more worthwhile. It sounds as though he's rebounding. However, your self-esteem was damaged by hearing the news that he was out with someone else, so you're assuming the worst. I know what you mean about not wanting to go out, but do you have any close friends who can visit with you and just keep you company let you talk for a while? I don't know you well enough to say if you need to be alone, but you ultimately know best what it is that you want. I've been where you are and know how you feel. Do you have any hobbies? For example, I take martial arts. Even if it sucks to make myself do it when I'm depressed, I always feel better afterward. Oh, I didn't mean it that way, I meant, you are misunderstanding if you think there would ever be another opportunity to say that stuff to him. I have no intentions of contacting him, and I'm sure he has no intentions either... How is he rebounding if he is the one who broke it off with me? He isn't feeling any pain... And actually, one of my closer friends is stopping by after work tonight to keep me company... I think this is overwhelming for me BECAUSE of that mere fact that both my parents are deceased and my only brother who is 400 miles away could give a rat's arse about me.. it's sad. I have friends, but I miss my mom terribly... I'm stopping to get some cheese and crackers and wine for tonight.. haven't eaten in days and maybe I can nibble.. Wine is for her not me. I'll pass out. Thanks again for your posts..
0hpenelope Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 It's a coping mechanism for him. It's hard. We're going through something similar, except mine took up a new relationship. :shrug: I'm not saying our feelings aren't important, but there really is nothing we can do about the new girls in their lives. We just have to keep going.
Author used2bspunky Posted September 18, 2008 Author Posted September 18, 2008 sorry again Treasa! I mis-read your post.. i get it now.. (re the saying stuff to other guys, in the future)
celinedion1 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 My ex said he didnt want to be in a serious relationship right now and wanted to focus on himself. He's now living with his new girlfriend he met online and hes only known her for a week. We can all guess how that one will turn out. Yeah they're liers.
Trialbyfire Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 When someone isn't ready to commit to you in a more permanent fashion, there's nothing you can do about it. What you'll find is that the same thing will happen in their future relationships, particularly the rebound relationships. People lie about why they want to break, to avoid the drama of having to deal with the emotional storm that's sure to come upon divulging their selfish reasons for doing so. They sugar coat, claiming not to want to hurt, when there's nothing altruistic about drama avoidance. So...one way of addressing it is not to rebound but casually date instead. It's a way to get your moxy back while at the same time, dealing with the breakup. I know none of you feel like dating but socialization of any kind can help you get back your independence, even to the point of loving the independence, forget relationships...
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