b.rad1611 Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 4.5 year relationship and broken up for nearly 5 months. She broke up with me because I was being a little cold and distant. I was a senior in college, and while I was fiercely loyal to her, I was also interested in pursuing my friendships with colleagues. None of which were female. For the first four months following the break up, things were essentially like we were still together. I was much more interested in her at this point because I didn't want her to leave. I took good care of her when she was in the hospital. I listened to her when she needed me. I was just there for her in general to a great extent. We weren't intimate, and she didn't stay over nearly as much, but we talked multiple times a day like nothing was wrong and saw each other almost daily. A few times, she would pull away for two or three days. But she would always come back. Finally, a little over three weeks ago, I heard that she was out with one of my good friends. I panicked and barraged her with calls. She obviously got mad and told me she didn't want to talk to me for a few months. She just went to the movies with this guy, and I'm positive it was harmless. Anyway, 5 days after her wish for space, she and her friend come to pick her friend's boyfriend and me from a party. I don't go outside, because she asked for space and I'm not about to get in the car with her if she wants space. The next day she texts "Hey, why did you do that last night?" I respond "You asked for space and I'm trying to respect that." The conversation goes on for a few more minutes and I end it by saying "Give me a call sometime as I'd like to hear how your classes are going" to which she responds "haha...ok." I don't hear from her from another week. Ironically, she gets behind me in traffic and follows me home (keep in mind she asked for space two weeks earlier). We talk for a few minutes and as she is leaving I ask if I can give her a call sometime. She doesn't respond so I say "Is that a no?" She replies with "That is a nothing." HA...what does that mean? So I'm pretty angry about this and I deliver her a handwritten letter telling her not to contact me again unless she wants to talk about reconciling. A whole 6 days later, she contacts me and says she wants to get together and talk. Thinking it must be good news, I agree. We walk around the block and talk for a good hour. I fill her in on the therapy sessions I've started attending, etc. As we get home, she starts to cry and I invite her to sit in my car and chat. She gets in and tells me "I love you so much, I'm just not ready to jump into anything right now. I can't go back on what I've already said." Okay, I can go with that. I can be patient. She probably has just convinced herself that she needs to go really slow and be sure that things are going to be different. The next day she calls again and we get together for dinner and desert and to run some errands. She gives me some little signs such as playing a song in her car that she heard from a mutual friend I was really into and saying "I heard you liked this song and I heard it and liked it too" (both of us singing it at the top of our lungs...haha). She also told me that she had a haircut coming up but that i "shouldn't worry because I'm keeping it long the way you like it." There were others, little touches and things of that nature that I won't get into. She calls again the next night and we talk for a half hour about some good things going on with her. She also tells me that she sent me an email. It was a picture of an inside joke that the two of us shared. She just about falls asleep on the phone and we hang up very amicably. I'm thinking, "This is going good, one full week of constant contact." Now, it's been three days since I've heard from her. She has ignored an email (I replied to hers with a picture and a little message with a question I was counting on a response to) and hasn't returned three calls (one regarding getting together today that I left a voicemail about). If you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading. My question is: what is this girl doing? She strung me along for a week and then has blatantly ignored me for three days. Am I being to impatient with her. I'm not pushing her, but things were going so well. We even made plans for the coming up weekend. Any insight into what may be bouncing around in this girls head would be appreciated. Thanks again!
Intergalactic Posted September 18, 2008 Posted September 18, 2008 sounds like she's messing with you, mate. tell her you don't want to hear from her til she's made up her mind on what the **** she wants, and actually go through with it this time. you keep telling her that you want to stop contact or whatever and then you go out again the next week. i did this with my ex - he wasn't sure, he kept coming over, i kept wondering, we kept cuddling (we were doing a LOT more intimate stuff than you said you were doing, but no sexual acts) and at the end of the day, he wasn't prepared to make the commitment. sounds like your girl isn't either. so either she makes up her mind or you cut your losses. don't let her keep doing this, because she will, and it will be worse when she finally makes the decision to cut you loose.
Amy22 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 I don't think you are being impatient with her actually I think you are being to patient. This girl has strung you along for five months. She dictates everything. When you talk and when you hang out. If it was me I would not talk to her unless she wanted to try again. It isn't fair what she is doing to you. And you are allowing her to keep you right where she wants you until she decides if she wants to be with you or not. It has been five months and she still hasn't figured out what she wants. That is crap. It is also stopping you from getting on with your life. I would tell her this is to hard on you. You never know what to expect from her and you can't do it anymore. You are going to try to get on with your life and if she actually makes a decision and wants to get back together to contact you. Otherwise you won't be sharing funny pics, walks, and dinners. You have supported this girl and been there for her but what is she doing for you? Nothing but making things worse for you. You deserve better then that. Just be prepared if you tell her that and stick to it. Which you need to if you say it, show her you mean what you say. She could walk away and move on or she could realize you are serious and come back. She probably won't realize you are serious right away because you told her that before. She will also try and call and send messages because you always responded before. Good Luck.
0hpenelope Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Let this one go. If she wants to come back, she'll say it. She doesn't have to play games. She's playing them because you're giving off signals that you're willing to play along... she's exploiting your feelings for her. You're still attached and she's being a classless femme. Her actions are quite annoying. Turn it off, bro. Hold steady and don't contact her anymore. If she gets in touch with you, alright... your call if you want to do something. If she doesn't, you know you're still ok.
ahhhchooo Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 You told her not to contact you again unless it was to reconcile. She contacted you anyway, you didn't talk about reconciling. Now she's ignoring you again. And you were ok with that. You're letting her walk all over you.
ahhhchooo Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Can't blame you though, I'm guilty of it too. But I don't think it sounds like she's interested in coming back. Me and my ex still have "a good time" when I've hung out with her since, and she uses me for that. But it always leads to me wanting more - she doesn't want that. I imagine your situation is the same. Let's stop putting ourselves through this misery, huh?
justaman99 Posted September 19, 2008 Posted September 19, 2008 Can't blame you though, I'm guilty of it too. But I don't think it sounds like she's interested in coming back. Me and my ex still have "a good time" when I've hung out with her since, and she uses me for that. But it always leads to me wanting more - she doesn't want that. I imagine your situation is the same. Let's stop putting ourselves through this misery, huh? enough said.
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